Barely Beating
by ThenIAlwaysMeantIt
Summary: When the constant abuse and life itself became too much to bear, Edward joined a gang. But when he meets Bella could she possibly be the one to break through his shell? Could she make him feel again? Make him love again? Full summary inside; leave your thoughts. Thank you.
1. broken lives

**Edward joined a gang and became a straight up rebel/bad boy after his mother died. Believing it was his fault, he obviously thinks he's a horrible person and that he doesn't deserve anything, so he goes around with his gang getting into loads of gang fights and crap. But what happens when he meets Bella? Can she break through Edward's shell? Can she make him feel again? Can she make him love again?**

Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight or any related characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyer. I only own the characters I have made up, and the plot.**

**Edward's POV**

"_Edward, Stephen is extremely stressed at work right now and he can't have any more added to it! I'm sorry, but you're going to have to ask him for the money some other time," she said, raising her voice as the rain pounded harder on the windshield._

"_But mom, I only need about one hundred and fifty more dollars! I already raised the rest," I pleaded, "I've been saving up for a Volvo for years now!"_

_My mom slammed her hand down against the steering wheel in obvious frustration, "I said no, and that's final! We just don't have that kind of money to give you right now. I'm sorry, but we can't. I promise, when we get our lives back on track and your step father gets that raise at work....then we will happily give you the money."_

_My mom and I were on our way home from school. I would have been able to drive myself home, but I didn't have a car. Thus, we are having this argument. "Mother, I'm going to be seventeen in a matter of weeks. I need my own car! I've been using Jason as my damn chauffeur for about two years! I can't even drive myself to school because you and dad take your cars to work everyday!"_

"_I said no. Damn it Edward, why can't you ever liste-"_

_The sound of screechy tires against pavement cut my mom off mid sentence. Her head swiveled towards the left, towards her window, as bright lights emerged from behind the curtain of dark rain. Before either of us could react, her head spun in my direction and her emerald eyes, much like mine, were troubled. That look was immediately replaced with pain as the truck collided with the driver's side, and shards of glass soared wildly around us._

My body shot up out of bed as my eyes flew open. I was gasping for air, as if I had been submerged under water for an incredibly long amount of time. I curled in on myself as I fought to catch my breath, all the while clutching at my mattress. I threw my legs over the side of the bed and reached for my nightstand, snatching the pills out of the small drawer. I popped two small pills into my mouth and swallowed them at once. I was calmer almost instantly. Not drugs, Aspirin. They seem to compose me for some reason, back to my cold, expressionless self.

You see, this is quite normal for me. The waking up to find myself being suffocating by absolutely nothing, the nightmares of my mother's death, and not to mention, the horrible life. My mother died a year ago, in a car accident. It was pouring and the truck rammed into the side of my mothers van, crushing her right away as I merely sat there, slipping in and out of consciousness from when my head compacted against the passenger side window. Those images of her dying right in front of my eyes will never leave me. They will forever haunt me, given that I was the culprit.

If I hadn't brought up the issue of me being car-less, none of this would have happened. My mom wouldn't have gotten angry and sped up the car; she wouldn't have been yelling at me and loosing focus while carelessly speeding in the rain; and she would have seen it when the drunk driver ran the red light and came zooming towards us at blinding speed. A tearless sob wracked my body as I fought my memories back and grudgingly dragged myself off of my bed and into my bathroom for a quick hot shower.

I slowly made my way down the stairs that led to the kitchen and grabbed my backpack that lay thrown in the corner of the room. I turned quietly to leave the house through the back door in the kitchen, but just my luck, I had to run into a damn chair. It toppled over and hurtled towards the floor causing a sharp crash against the tile, "Edward, is that you?!" Shit.

I heard the creaking protests of the couch's springs as Stephen hurled himself off of it. He entered the kitchen with a beer in hand, greasy hair, and stained clothing. How the hell can he be drunk so early in the morning?! Fear washed through me as he neared. Damn it, It's one of _those_ days, "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he sneered into my face.

"School," I replied curtly, avoiding his gaze.

"And how do you expect to get there?" I could smell the alcohol on his breath, "Look at me when I'm speaking to you!"

"Jason's picking me up like everyday," I said in a cold dead voice, now looking straight into his eyes.

His eyes narrowed as he let the empty beer bottle clatter onto the floor next to his feet. I closed my eyes and readied myself, knowing what was coming next. His fist connected with my stomach, causing me to double over, gagging. I fell onto me knees and he automatically began kicking me, everywhere. I lay there on the kitchen floor, positioning my arms and legs in a way that somewhat protected my torso and face, but he didn't care, he just kicked my arms and legs as well.

I would fight back, but the fact that his muscles are practically twice the size of mine, I would have no chance. And he wouldn't dare kill me so I don't have to worry about that; he'd know what would happen to him if he did. Stephen is my step dad unfortunately because my real father decided to leave my mother and me when I was nine, he was my role model. When I was growing up I dreamed about being just like him, well that dream ended when he left. He just packed up his things and drove off, never stopping to bid a farewell, and never giving us an explanation for his departure. Three years later, when I was twelve, my mom remarried to this asshole. And look how it all turned out. Great, huh?

He began to beat me a few weeks after my mother died. Of course, he blamed me for her death since it _was_ my fault. I told him about the argument we were having in the car before the accident and he flipped. He slapped me across the face that same day when we got home from the hospital and threw me into my room. Since then, my life has been a living hell.

My thoughts were broken when the house bell rang. Jason.

"Saved by the bell, huh? Not quite. Get ready for when you get home tonight," Stephen spat at me. I cringed in fear and staggered as I rose to my feet. I took a few deep breaths and fixed myself up as much as possible, well just ran a hand through my messy bronze colored hair and ran a hand over my shirt.

Stephen walked towards the front door and opened it, "Edward, your friend's here!"

I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room to see Jason leaning on the door frame and glaring daggers at Stephen's back, who was turned to face me. I grinned roguishly at my step father, "Have a good day today, _dad_." His eyes tightened for the slightest instant as he turned away towards the TV, ignoring my remark, "Let's go dude."

I grabbed my burgundy and black leather gang jacket off of the coat hanger and shut the door on my way out. And yes, gang jacket.

My life long best friend, Jason, hooked us up with a gang. One of the few gang's here in Chicago actually. We had nothing left to lose so we thought, why not? Well _I_ had nothing left to lose. Jason had a family that loved him. A mother, a father, and a fourteen year old little sister, she was the cutest fourteen year old I had seen in my entire life. I was her second big brother, and she, bless her heart, actually looked up to me. Did I find this wrong? Extremely. In the past I had told Jason that we shouldn't get involved with a group of guys that we didn't even know, but we did. And when you get involved with them, there's no turning back.

Jason and I are in a gang who are named The Cold Ones. I personally think it's a whack ass name, but I'm not going to be the one to break it to our gang leader, Keith. He's bitchy enough already.

"Ed, we're passing by Sean's real quick, is that cool with you? Keith told me to give Sean the extra 10mm semiautomatic," Jason asked me after being safe in the confines of his car.

"Yeah man, that's fine. I'll just wait in the car," I replied, not really interested in why Sean needed another pistol, he already owned more handguns than each of the ten of us, but oh well. We never disobey Keith's orders. We drove down a few more blocks in Jason's red 2001 Integra until we reached the front of Sean's house. Jason set the car in park and reached in the backseat to retrieve the black pistol. He placed it in the back of his pants, in case anyone saw him.

As I waited for Jason's return, I opened his glove compartment to find exactly what I was looking for. iPod. I shoved the little ear buds into my ears and went through his music to find an artist I liked, I found Fireflight, eh, they're alright. I blasted the first song on the list and closed my eyes as I leaned my head against the head rest, listening to the lyrics of Unbreakable. Three songs flew by as a car door slammed; startled, I flinched at the sound but ignored it, and kept listening to music.

In no time, Jason was parking in his usual parking space at Lincoln Park High School. We stepped out of the Integra and made our way to The Cold Ones' usual spot, under a branchy tree, on a chipped black bench, next to the school but still closer to the lot.

Keith, Landon, Matt, Paul, Kyle, Todd and now Jason and I were there, all in our black and burgundy leather jackets. We were only missing Sean and Daniel, the brother's of the gang, "Yo Edward, how's it going man? Does your daddy need a little talking to again?" Matt asked, glancing at the shiner over my left eye.

"No, it's fine."

This is what I meant about Stephen never trying to kill me. The gang knew about his beatings on me. If things ever got a tad out of hand, I'd tell the guys, and they'd give Stephen a little "talk"....well no, to tell you the truth, Keith and four of the other's came to my house one night, with guns and crowbars threatening my step father. They said if he ever tried killing me, Stephen would be dead in a matter of minutes. And to tell you the truth, I believed them.

Jason and I sat on the left side of the bench, near Keith, since we were his left and right hand guys. When Keith found out I could fight, and fight emotionlessly without regrets, he automatically set me higher than the rest with Jason. Why he placed Jason as his right hand man? I have no idea, but I'm kind of glad he did, I get to spend time with the only guy I cared about.

"Hale, I see your little girlfriend took you shopping again?" Paul snickered, towards Jasper Hale, a pale blonde guy that I didn't really know. I only knew he was dating a spiky haired short girl.

Jasper was walking past us with Emmett McCarthy towards the school. But when he heard Paul's comment, he halted, I saw his fists clench into tight fists as he turned towards us. I rolled my eyes; we didn't need drama right now, "Paul, shut up. We don't need anything right now. Hale, sorry about him," I let out soullessly.

Jasper's eyes narrowed but he thankfully turned to walk away, "Yeah and you, McCarthy. Man, I'd tap your girl, she's fucking hot!" Paul boomed.

Shit. Emmett turned his body towards us in a swift motion; I could see the muscles tightening under his skin, "What the fuck did you just say?"

Paul scoffed nonchalantly. He hopped off of the bench and stood a few feet away from Emmett, "I said your girlfriend, Rosalie? Is fucking hot. And that I'd tap that," he replied with an idiotic grin plastered onto his face. I casually rose from the bench, in case a fight broke loose from Emmett's temper.

"Paul, sit the fuck down," Keith finally spoke up in his deep voice, "leave McCarthy and Hale alone."

"But what am I doing wrong? I'm just telling a fellow guy, that his girl's hot. Is that such a bad thing?" Paul asked, with a mocking pout on his face. Emmett couldn't take it anymore; he lunged forward towards Paul but was stopped by Jasper.

"Emmett? What's going on?" his girlfriend's worried voice rang through the parking lot. Her heels clicking hastily as she made her way towards us. It was kind of fucking annoying now that I think of it. _Click click click click_. I want to chuck those damn shoes at her boyfriend I laughed to myself.

She tugged at his arm to back away from us, smart girl, knows who to stay away from. Her question lingered in the air as nobody responded; instead another _click click click _of heels approached and I almost cursed them out aloud. I turned my head to the side to see Hale's girlfriend now joining the little quarrel, but also dragging along a girl slightly taller than her, with beautiful long mahogany hair that was covering her face. Wait what the fuck, beautiful?! I mentally slapped myself and shook my head. I don't pay attention to girls anymore; I never found one that I actually cared for. They were all clingy whore's that wanted you for sex. I shrugged my shoulders and sat back down, not really concerned about what was happening.

"Jazz, what's going on?" the midget asked, I didn't know her name.

"Nothing we're leaving. Now." He seized Emmett tightly by the arm and all but shoved him towards the school. Rosalie grabbed Emmett's other hand and pulled him along with her, demanding to know what was happening with us and them.

The short girl was pulling the brown haired girl by the elbow, getting her to walk faster so they could catch up with her people. When I glanced at the brunette girl, at the same moment, her head turned in my direction. I can almost swear my heart stuttered deep within my chest.

**Well this is a story that's been itching at me for days. I want to know if you liked this chapter and if I should continue the story or not. Yes or no? **

**I'll respond to anything when I get back in three weeks from vacation. So if I'm going to update, it'll be in a couple of weeks and it'll be after I update my other story, His Angel, which I am currently writing.**

**Anywayss hehe, if you liked it..REVIEW and share your thoughts with moi haha.**

**Thank you. **

**Lori**


	2. shattered hearts

I stared down at the chipped paint of the black bench I sat at with the gang. I was gone, deeply focused on my thoughts. What the hell was that? I don't feel anymore. I'm a cold and worthless being; there is no need for me to be thinking of a girl, in any way. Especially one that hangs out with those goody two-shoes. I hear that all of their teacher's loved them because they are straight A student's and have never failed a test. Yeah, well I was a straight A student before I got caught up in this mess, and my teacher's never showed me any preference. Those are one of the main reasons I don't like that little group, they're teachers pets and they think they're better than everybody else.

But who was that brunette the midget was clinging onto? I'm sure that I've never seen her around here before, maybe she's new? Whatever, I'll find out eventually. My thoughts were interrupted as the shrilling ring of the school bell chimed for first period. "Alright, Cold Ones, meet before lunch behind building three, if any of you get into any trouble, text me." Keith, our leader, ordered.

The eight of us -since Daniel and Sean still hadn't arrived- headed off in groups towards different buildings. I of course, stuck with Jason. We ambled towards the main building, both reluctant to begin the day. Once in the building, I spoke, "Hey Jason," I began as I ran a hand through my tousled hair, "out of mere curiosity, who was that other chick that was with Hale's girl? I've never seen her around here before. She must be in our grade since she was hanging with them, don't you think?"

"I guess, but I've never seen her before. Though I didn't really see her face because she kept her head down the entire time," he replied with a shrug.

"Huh," was all I could say.

"Why the sudden interest?" Jason asked, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

I punched him in the arm playfully, "No interest, just curious is all. You know I don't date."

He laughed, "Yeah, I know."

We walked silently the rest of the way to the spot we usually split up for first period, "Bye Eddie, see you at lunch," Jason smacked me on the back.

I winced a bit from the impact, for my body still ached a bit from this morning. I'm pretty certain I broke a rib as well, but too bad. "Sure, peace man."

The late bell suddenly rang. Late, again. I power walked to my class across the hall and halted at the door. Ugh, Biology. Why am I being tortured? This was my least favorite class...though I didn't even have a favorite. So technically, this was the class I despised the most. I huffed in frustration and banged the door open to see the teacher scribbling on the board in his messy scrawl, "Ah nice, to have you join us, Mr. Masen. Have a seat," he said sourly, as he closed the cap on the dry/erase marker. I never glanced up from the floor as I reached my table. But when I did, I stopped dead in my tracks. Hell to the fuck no.

My usual table, where I sat by myself, held a body. My eyes narrowed, I never sat with a partner. This was _my _table. Everyone knows not to sit next to me, especially in this class where we're required to do partnered assignments. People caught the drift easily, stay away from members of The Cold Ones...but apparently this one hadn't.

My eyes automatically grew wide as I saw the person I was to share a table with. Of course, none other than the girl with the pretty hair from this morning. I narrowed my eyes at her and glowered at her furiously for making me think of her before. I trudged the last few steps to my seat, noisily scraping my chair against the tile and slinging my bag onto the table. I sat grudgingly, all the while glaring intensely at the girl seated inches away from me.

I could see she was sitting stiffly, clearly uncomfortable as she felt my gaze boring into the side of her head. She reached for the pencil on her binder and fiddled with it for a bit until I noticed her hands began to tremble. A twinge of guilt washed through me for I knew that I was the reason her hands shook. She was frightened by me.

Finally, I averted my gaze from her and towards the front of the room. Mr. Banner lecturing about the phases of mitosis was like watching grass die, agonizingly boring. I sat through the two hours, vaguely aware of the girl sitting next to me. I guess this isn't so bad; at least she's not trying to talk to me, because then it might get ugly. Thinking of her, I glanced at her through the corner of my eye and saw that she was practically biting her lower lip off. It looked like at any moment it would break and start gushing blood. I kept my eyes fixed on her until she caught me staring through the corner of her eye and a deep scarlet covered her cheeks as she created a dark curtain of beautiful hair between us. What the fuck is up with me and her hair?

Since when do I see someone's hair as beautiful? Ugh, whatever.

"Oh class, by the way, before we go. I would like to introduce you all to a new student, Isabella Swan," Banner said, motioning towards the girl sitting next to me.

Ignoring Banner's remark, my eyes trailed off to the clock above the board, thank you, only five more minutes of this torture. I counted down the five minutes, so I stood up at the exact same moment that the bell rang. Without a glance at the girl, who I still couldn't really see her face because she kept on hiding it; I was swiftly out the door and heading towards my third period. English, the best of the classes I had. Though I still didn't like it, I definitely preferred it over Biology.

I walked into English and prepared myself for another long and tedious class.

***

The bell finally rung for lunch and I darted out of my class to meet the other's behind building three. They were all there horsing around except for Keith, Jason and the brothers. I guess Sean and Daniel didn't come to school today at all. I felt a thump on the back of my head; I didn't react because I knew it was just Jason annoying me, "So Ed, did you see that girl again?"

"Yeah actually, she's sits next to me in Biology," I grinded my teeth together in frustration, "her name is Isabella Swan and she's new."

"Nice name," he pondered, raising an eyebrow at me.

I shrugged, not really in the mood to talk about some girl I didn't even know. Thankfully Keith arrived shortly, and he began speaking so he needed all of our undivided attentions, especially Jason's and mine. "Guys, after school, meet under the bridge and bring your knives and I'll let Sean know to bring along the gun. You are all expected to show, if you don't....then you'll have to deal with me," he sneered, cracking his knuckles in the process. "Agreed?"

A chorus of yes' answered him. "Now, let's go eat." He finished.

We filed into the cafeteria in out habitual formation, and as usual the noise level died down completely and all eyes were on us. Keith was front and center; I walked at his left, while Jason walked at his right. And the rest just followed, two behind us, and three behind them. We got food and headed towards our table at the corner by the wall. By now, eyes were still watching our every move, but at least there was some conversations floating around the cafeteria.

Sooner or later, the noise level went back to normal and we were able to speak freely without the worry of eavesdroppers. I took a bite out of my apple whilst sweeping my eyes across the student body of Lincoln Park High. My eyes halted at a familiar figure. Though I couldn't see her face, I knew it was Isabella Swan. And she was sitting with those annoying people. I watched as she unconsciously raked a hand through her hair, finally revealing her face. Despite the fact that I saw her this morning, I had kind of forgotten what she looked like. All I remembered were her deep brown eyes. But now as I saw her clearly, I could see her pale translucent skin and the slight color barely noticeable over her prominent cheek bones. She had full plump lips, the bottom which was caught under a row of perfect white teeth. I had to squint my eyes to spot the light pink scar that cut over her right eyebrow and a couple inches down her cheek. Hmm, I wonder how that got there. At least it didn't do anything horrible, like disfiguration or something. It actually looked pretty cool.

I watched as she laid her head down on her arms over the empty space in front of her, it appears that she's not eating lunch. I had an odd urge to run over to her and demand why she wasn't eating but that would have been extremely awkward. I shook my head and cleared all thoughts of her, concentrating on finishing my apple to the core.

I sighed as the bell rang, signaling for the start of the last period of the day. I had gym next and decided to skip; I didn't feel like changing into my uniform. I waited until most of the cafeteria had cleared out, including the gang. I glanced up from my perfectly bitten apple to see a pair of chocolate brown eyes studying me carefully across the cafeteria. I got lost in the depth of Isabella's gaze, and couldn't bring myself to look away. It was as if she could see into my soul.

Then suddenly, a brutal blush crept onto her stunned face as she flinched and broke away from my penetrating stare. She gathered her things hastily and immediately stumbled her way out of the cafeteria, leaving me sitting there in complete shock. What the hell just happened here?

A few other students still remained, finishing their lunch apparently. I shook my head, trying to clear my head, as I ran a trembling hand through my hair. Fuck, what the hell's happening to me? The previous seconds had left me shaken. Without thinking, I snatched my phone out of my back pocket and texted Jason, _skipping gym. If you need me for anything, call. _

I held my cell phone in my tight fist as I swiftly made my way out of the cafeteria's back door. No one has ever caught me skipping, most probably because I don't even try to hide...so it's like hiding in plain sight? I don't know. I've never been one for riddles and crap. As I walked beneath the trees in the forest next to the school, I ambled down the standard path I take to arrive at my spot. When I reached the tree I always sit under, it looked even more beautiful than usual. The sun shined down upon it, creating a sight that for some strange reason reminded me of the mythological Greek Gods.

I chuckled humorlessly and plunged onto my back under the tree. As I lay there, with my hands cradling the back of my head, I gazed up at the sky, my thoughts drifting off towards my mother. A sob bubbled up my chest and a tear escaped the corner of my eye. My hand flew up to retrieve it, I panicked a little. I haven't cried since the day she died, what the hell is going on today?!

Shutting my eyes tight, I cleared my head and willingly let the darkness take me in with open arms.

My phone vibrating in my hand woke me out of my dreamless sleep. I flipped it open and took the call, not bothering to open my eyes to check who it was first. "Hello?"

"Edward, where are you?" Jason hissed into the phone, "Keith is getting pretty impatient here waiting for you."

Oh fuck I'm late. "Shit. I'm going to have to run there, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Where are you?"

"When I skipped last period, I fell asleep in the forest so I never saw the time." I explained, as I bounded up onto my feet and grabbed my bag off of the floor. "Look I'll talk to you later, Jason. I'll be there soon."

"Alright, bye then. Be careful on your way here."

I took off my jacket and slung my bag over my shoulder, it's easier to run without the jacket on, "sure sure, bye."

With a quick whip of my fingers, I had the phone shut and in my pocket. I groaned and began my trek to the bridge. It wasn't that far, it was just a couple of blocks. Oh god how I wish I had a car at this moment. My insides went all soft when I thought of myself in the confines of a silver Volvo, with an all black leather interior. The soft purr of the engine beneath me...I stopped myself before I fell over in stupidity. Like any guy, I'm a sucker for cars.

I ran the rest of the way without stops, flinging the jacket over my shoulder so my hand wouldn't get all sweaty with the leather. As I neared the hollow under the bridge, I saw all of the other gang bangers lounging around and waiting on me. Keith was the only one standing, pacing back and forth actually. Shit, I'm screwed.

When I reached them, I leaned forward with my hands above my knees, catching my breath, "Keith, I'm so sorry for being late. It won't happen again."

"It better not," he replied in a deadly voice, getting up in my face. I cleared my throat and shook my head to reassure him.

"Alright," he said in a louder voice, so the rest of them could hear, "Ready yourselves we're heading out soon."

"If you don't mind me asking, where exactly is it that we're going?"

He turned towards Landon who asked the question, he was the youngest in the gang, this going to be his first fight actually. He's such a good kid; it pains me to see that he got involved with the wrong crowd. "There's some trouble down by The Falls, and we're going to go check it out. I hear there's a new gang in town," he grinned devilishly. A spark of anxiety flashed over Landon's face, but he automatically covered it up and looked away.

Keith looked at each of us before he spoke again, "I hope you all have your shit. Let's go."

At that, we headed to the cars to begin another long night of fighting.

**So, what did you all think of this chapter? I just got back from vacation, so that's why I hadn't updated or replied to your reviews. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, thank you for reading. I'll update as soon as possible if ya'll want. REVIEW, please.**

**Thank you.**

**Lori**


	3. opened doors

It was currently four in the morning and the gang and I were finally returning from The Falls. It seems that after hours and hours of fighting, it obviously takes a huge toll on your body afterwards. This was the longest fight I've been in since the day I joined. Thankfully, none of us were badly injured. Though, I can't say the same about the other gang, they were poorly trained and had absolutely no fighting skills whatsoever. We each took on one from the other gang and knocked their lights out, they did get in a couple of kicks and punches but they were no match for us. Hell, after Paul got pissed because he got bashed in the head, he finally took out his knife and stabbed the motherfucker that he was against. All sense of motion stopped at that moment, we were all just staring as the guy fell limp on the ground. Seconds after, their leader let out a sharp whistle between his teeth and they were all immediately scrambling up to their feet and running away in fear.

Feeling a smack against my chest, I was brought to the present.

"Edward, I think that cut might need a couple stitches." Jason pondered, glancing away from the road to scrutinize my right eyebrow.

The dude I had been fighting clipped me three times. First, he threw a punch on the side of my jaw, the second time he attacked me with his nails, he was pretty weird, yes. And the third time, he scratched me again, but it was thin and on the neck. So now I'm stuck with like a three inch scrape falling diagonally across my eyebrow. "I suggest you keep your eyes on the road. And nah, its fine, Jason. When I get home I'll disinfect it. No need for stitches."

He gave me an 'if you see that you do need stitches, you better call me' look, but let the subject drop. I leaned my head against the headrest as I pressed a dirty rag above my eye to stop the bleeding. Our first stop was Sean's house, to drop off him and Daniel. Once they were out of the car, Landon let out a gust of air. He would always get a bit anxious around the brothers since they were always so trigger-happy. Poor kid, he actually was pretty young, just a fifteen year old freshman.

It was now us three in Jason's car. Landon was always comfortable around the two of us. I'm guessing he felt safe with us? No, that would be completely preposterous. "Hey Landon, If you don't mind me asking. Why did you join our gang?" I asked him curiously, not bothering to glance back to see his expression. I actually was really curious. He was like Jason; he had something to live for. A good life and a family that loved him, well I think he does. He's never really mentioned anything about his life out of the gang.

Landon took a deep breath before beginning, "W-well, a couple months ago, m-my mom found out that my father had cheated on her. And that night she ran out of the house crying her eyes out. I heard her start up the car and drive off....that was the last night I ever saw her. The very next day, I was sitting on the couch watching the news with my idiot father when a news report came up about a middle-aged woman f-found dead on the side of the road in her car. She was drunk and drove headlong into one of those streetlight posts..." Landon trailed off shakily.

"....and that woman, she was your mother." I finished off for him, as I turned my torso to look at him. He nodded his head slowly and glanced up from his hands to meet my stare. His blue eyes held so much pain; I felt a mixture of emotions at that moment, emotions that I couldn't truly identify. I felt like I needed to help him somehow, but I didn't know how. Instead, I turned back around to face the windshield and added, "You'll get through it. One painful day at a time, but you will."

"You've been through this? You're mother died too?" He whispered the last part.

"Yes, she did. But not the same way," I responded with an emotionless voice.

"Oh."

All conversation died after that. Jason never spoke when Landon was explaining his story. And he didn't speak after either. It seemed he was deep in thought as he drove down the familiar road to Landon's house.

"Thanks for the ride, Jason! I'll see you guys tomorrow!" he rushed, as he clambered out of the backseat.

"No problem, kid. See you tomorrow," Jason finally spoke, flashing him a small smile.

Landon was beaming as he slammed the door shut at jogged into his house. "He's such a good kid. He shouldn't be hanging around with us, –well me- thank god he didn't get banged up much tonight. That boy has an arm let me tell you." I ranted proudly.

Jason's slightly slacked jaw turned into a smile that threatened to rip his face in half, "Why Edward Masen is this an emotion of happiness I'm hearing coming from you?" he asked me sarcastically.

I didn't respond, I just kept the rag pressed to my eyebrow as I gazed out the passenger side window. What was it that I was feeling? I was obviously proud that Landon could put up a fight at such a young age. But I also felt the need to guard him. He was starting to make me feel how Jason's little sister, Katherine, made me feel. Protective.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts, that I didn't notice when Jason cut the engine and sat there in my driveway awaiting for me to get out of the car, "It'd be kind of rude of me to kick you out of here, don't you think, Eddie?" Jason grinned.

"Oh, sorry man," I apologized as I got out of the car. I closed the door shut, and leaned into the passenger side window, "and thanks for the ride."

"You don't need to thank me; I never mind driving my best friend around and you know it."

I stared at him for a while, glad to have a friend that I could trust without indecision. "Thanks, bro. See you tomorrow."

"Of course," he said, turning on and revving the engine, "Now, call me if you need those stitches."

I ignored him and began to walk up my driveway. "Eddie!" I heard him call behind me.

"Sure sure, I'll call you!" I yelled over my shoulder, "and don't call me, Eddie!" I heard a boisterous chuckle and the squeal of tires as Jason peeled out of my driveway and off to his house. That idiot's going to mess up his tires too soon.

I ran a hand through my tousled hair and took out the key from under the floor mat. I didn't bother carrying it around with me because I knew that after a week I'd lose it. As I entered the deathly quiet house I was eternally grateful that it was four-thirty in the morning, for now, I won't be receiving the beating from Stephen that I was supposed to get last night. I silently tiptoed up the stairs and up to my room. Tossing my bag and jacket on a chair, I headed towards the bathroom.

I stripped out of my clothes and turned on the hot water and waited until it was scorching. As I waited, I turned towards the full-length mirror behind the door. Eh, not that bad this time, I usually had more bruises when I returned from a fight. I had a fist shaped bruise forming along my ribs, a scratch along the side of my neck, the bruise on my jaw and the gash above my eye. I poked around the cut on my eyebrow and automatically knew that it didn't need stitches. The blood was already beginning to dry up, so now it was just an angry deep red scratch. I sighed and hopped into the shower, relishing the feel of the heated water pounding against my skin.

When I was finally finished, I slid on a pair of clean boxers and threw myself over the covers. Though I would only be getting an hour and a half of sleep, I still let my eyes to droop closed and the darkness overtake over my body.

I woke up to the sun beating down on me through the window. With a groan, I stumbled my way out of bed to get ready for another dreary school day. After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I slipped on a pair of dark wash straight jeans, my black vans, and a black V-neck. I grabbed my bag and jacket and headed downstairs. I silently prayed that _he_ was still asleep. After reaching the last step, I peeked into the kitchen and living room, searching for him. He wasn't there....I almost did a victory dance.

Skipping breakfast, I noiselessly went out to the front yard and sat on the curb as I waited for Jason to arrive. As if on cue, his red Integra appeared flying around the corner and came to a screechy halt in front of me. I could hear the song Time of Dying by Three Days Grace blaring from outside of the car.

"Dude, you're going to go deaf," I almost yelled, climbing into the car. As soon as my door clicked shut, we were zooming our way to school.

He simply ignored my remark and kept pounding his hands against the steering wheel as he drove at a speed completely against the limit. I was in shock that in a matter of minutes he was parking his car in the parking lot. I should really find myself a new ride, I don't want to die yet....I flinched as my thoughts automatically shifted towards my mom.

Fortunately, Jason spoke, so my mental dilemmas were interrupted, "Dude, I have to go early to my first period today. I have to turn in some make-up work. Want to come?"

"Sure." It's better than sitting with the rest of the gang and hearing them make fun and taunt people.

We walked into the building and as we reached his class, I suddenly stopped. "You know what? I think ima head over to my Biology early. It'll give Banner something to think about, me being early for once in my life and all," I said sarcastically.

"Ha-ha, alright then, Edward. See you at lunch," he waved before turning and entering his class.

I turned as well and headed towards my class. When I reached it, I entered hesitantly and saw Mr. Banner seated at his desk with a book stuck up in his face. "Morning, teach!"

He jumped at my abrupt outburst, "Mr. Masen what are _you_ doing here so early?!" he asked in evident distress.

I shrugged, making my way towards my seat, "Nothing much, decided to come to class early for once." He just stared at me with a dumbfounded expression plastered onto his face. He shook his head and glued his eyes back to his book.

I laid my head on the cool table in front of me and closed my eyes, hoping to get a couple of minutes of sleep before class started. But of course the bell just had to ring. I moaned in frustration as I heard the shuffling of students filing into the classroom. I stayed resting against the desk until I heard the chair beside me slide out. My head snapped up as I glared at the person who startled me. My expression instantly softened as I saw Isabella Swan's face. She wore a snuggly royal blue sweater that matched unbelievably well with her skin tone. Okay, what the hell, since when am I gay? I mentally rolled my eyes and looked away from her before I scared her, again.

"Alright class, today you will be observing mitosis using prepared slides of onion root. All the materials you will need are placed in the center of your tables. And you will be required to work with your partners. Please begin." Banner ordered.

Oh fuck my life, are you serious? I have to work with her now? I sighed and prepared myself for the torture.

Not really wanting to frighten her again, I softened my expression and thought that I should give this girl a chance and be civilized. Well try anyways. "You want to go first?"

She whipped her head in my direction and stared at me with shocked eyes, "Um, s-sure." She stuttered out in the most beautiful voice I had ever heard. I felt my insides go all spongy.

As she observed one of the slides, I decided to speak to her and break the ice. "I'm Edward Masen, and you're Isabella, correct?"

Her hands froze as she was writing down the lab information. She gazed up at me from behind her lashes, "Uh, Bella."

I stared deeply into her chocolate brown eyes, getting lost in their depth. Clearing my throat, I snapped out of my embarrassing ogling. "So then, Bella, why'd you decide to move to one of the windiest cities in America?"

She seemed utterly confused of why I was speaking directly to her. Well I kind of was a complete ass to her yesterday for just sitting in a seat. "Well um, my parents were having troubles so I decided I should come live with my cousins for a while...who don't seem to mind my presence." She rushed through. A stunning blush crept onto her face and she turned away from me, hiding self-consciously behind her hair.

"You don't need to hide from me," I blurted out without thinking. What the fuck where did that come from?

But luckily, it made Bella face me again. I saw the corners of her mouth twitching up slightly, "So, um Edward. What's your story?"

My eyes tightened somewhat, "I don't have one."

"Come on, everyone has one."

I rolled my eyes, fairly aggravated with this gorgeous being sitting inches away from me, "can we please drop this. Ask another question."

"Fine then. How did you get all of those injuries? You didn't have them yesterday." She declared, crossing her arms and completely forgetting about our lab.

"Fight."

"With who? Those people you were sitting with yesterday morning? Is it true you're all like a gang?" she asked in a soft tone.

"I didn't fight against them, I fought with them. And yes we are a gang; we're called The Cold Ones."

Bella averted her gaze from me now to stare at the long but thin scratch on my neck. "Huh, so I'm guessing that the golf ball of a bruise on your jaw and those two scratches were from that gang fight?"

"What would you know about gangs?" I asked in a rather rude tone. It wasn't on purpose, but I'm already so accustomed to it that whenever I try and speak normally to people besides the gang, it all comes out rude and cold anyway.

"The obvious. That gangs usually fight with other gangs for like territory or something? I don't know," she whispered, furrowing her eyebrows and focusing back onto the assignment pending.

I raised my eyebrows, impressed with the very little but correct knowledge she had about us. I would have thought that she didn't even know what a gang was, but I guess I was wrong to judge her prematurely. She continuously glanced from the microscope and back to her paper to write down what she observed. I couldn't help myself as I sat there just staring at every movement she made. I saw as her eyebrows would sometimes pull together in irritation when she would catch a mistake. I saw the way she would adorably be nibbling on her lower lip as she wrote. I saw the way she would run a hand through her hair whenever too much of it got in her face. And finally, I witnessed the striking red on her cheeks when she caught me staring.

I don't know what came over me the next second to do what I did. I did something I hadn't done in years; I thought the muscles needed for this action had died or something. But apparently not because I...smiled. Not a small, shy smile, but my full lopsided grin, the one that reached my eyes. It felt amazing to smile again, especially when it was at such a beautiful creature.

Bella seemed to be in a state of shock. Her jaw was slightly dropped and her expression was completely dazed. She gaped a while but recovered quickly, creating that dark curtain of hair again, probably to cover her blushing from me. I felt the urge to run my hands through her silky brunette hair and just fix my eyes upon her faultless face to read her eyes. But like yesterday at lunch, that would have been fairly awkward.

I was barely conscious of the time when the bell suddenly rang around us, "Oh shit, Bella, I didn't do my part of the assignment!" I fretted, damn it I'm already coming off as irresponsible.

"Chill, Edward. I did the whole sheet, no need to worry." She flashed me a knee-weakening smile and stood up to hand the paper to Mr. Banner. Without a backwards glance at me, she sauntered out of the room.

At the moment Bella set foot out of the classroom, everything that had just occurred in the past two hours seemed to hit me like a canon ball. Did I just really talk to someone out of the gang? A girl to be exact? Am I crazy, or did she _not_ try to get in my pants? After trying to date a year ago, in my sophomore year, every girl that I found some sort of interest in was only after what was down under. Like what the hell, how incredibly shallow can a person be?

I really want to say that I regret talking to Bella today, but to tell you the truth, I'm not. She was different, and had instantaneously caught my attention, unlike every other girl here. I felt an odd sensation in the pit of my stomach, it was bubbling from the inside out. It gave me a strange yearning to see and talk to her again.

I wonder what The Cold Ones would think if I told them all of this? What would Keith think? I cringed at the thought of him yelling and demanding me that I forgot about Bella. I shrugged, I never share emotions or my feelings with them anyway, so what does it matter. The only person I share the least bit of info about my life with is Jason. And even then, I still keep it all to a minimum.

"Edward, are you going to your next class or what?" Mr. Banner brought me back to actuality, "If you ask me, I say you're actually starting to enjoy my class...first you come early, and now you leave minutes after the bell rings...hmm I wonder."

I chuckled darkly, grabbing my bag in the process and left to English. The whole while, I _still_ couldn't break my thoughts away from Bella.

***

English passed in a blur and I met up with the guys in the hallway before lunch. "Ed, where were you and Jason this morning?" Kyle asked me curiously.

"Jason was turning in something, so I tagged along." Kyle nodded in assent and turned around to see Jason standing behind him; no doubt he's going to ask him the same question.

I turned my body around to see if Keith was arriving, but instead saw a bright smile and blue eyes beaming up at me. "Hey, Edward!"

"Supp, kid? How are you?"

"I'm good, thanks. And you?" Landon asked enthusiastically.

I tilted my head to the side slightly and smiled softly at him, "Good too, actually. Really good." My response stopped as I saw a figure nearing us from my peripheral vision and I straightened up, knowing it was Keith, since we were all just waiting on him. His senior class was across the school.

He walked right passed us all, and we all turned on our heel to follow like lost puppies. I just noticed how annoying that was. We acted like his followers...and that's probably how it looked to everyone else as well. Jason and I swiftly caught up to Keith and fell into place as we walked by his side, as well as the other seven behind us.

I composed my face in an expressionless mask, the one that basically lived on my face for the past year or so. But it suddenly cracked and turned into a crooked smile, as my thoughts changed course, a course towards Bella.

I felt my heart thump unevenly in my chest as we entered the cafeteria.

**Holyflippindolphin's, I just completed this chapter at three in the morning -.- haha and I'm preeeeetty sleepy.**

**Well what did you think? I'LL POST UP THE NEXT CHAPTER DEPENDING ON THE AMOUNT OF REVIEWS I GET FOR THIS ONE! :) hehe. **

**I like hearing what you guys think about it. So leave me your thoughts en un review (:**

**Btw link of how Edward [though you all know what he looks like], Jason and Keith look on le profile. **

**Thank you, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Lori**


	4. hold my heart

Besides the fact that I was utterly engrossed by Bella Swan, lunch was the same as usual today. It came and unfortunately ended. Everything about her just draws me in. There's something about her though, I can't pinpoint what, but there's something off about her entire demeanor, something off by the way she carries herself. As if she was living a lie...well no, not a lie, but more like hiding a secret? I groaned and ran a hand through my disheveled hair, desperately trying to rid my thoughts of her. I walked into the male dressing rooms to get changed for an hour and a half of dodge ball.

I reluctantly strolled through the double doors two seconds after the bell rang, and of course like every class, "Mr. Masen! Seventy-five pushups for being late!" Coach Clapp roared at me as he saw me walking towards the bleachers.

I shrugged and dropped to my hands right where I was. I mechanically began all seventy-five push-ups as the entire gym just sat and watched, as usual. I didn't really mind, pushups were quite easy for me; I stared down at my hands as I did them, watching as the tendons began to gradually bulge out of my skin at the speed I was doing them. "....54, 55, 56, 57, 58...." I muttered under my breath to keep count. I flipped my left arm behind my back, so I was now doing them one armed. I chuckled under my breath as I heard wolf whistle's by the bleachers. Jason, of course. This was the only class I had with him.

"....73, 74, 75," I grunted as I bounded up onto the balls of my feet. I took a deep breath, and just walked towards the bleachers, sitting down at the closest empty space.

I looked up to see Coach Clapp glaring at me, "Well Masen, now that you've finished showing off you're pushup skills, we can all continue with today's activities," he said sourly.

I rolled my eyes as he blew the whistle, "freshmen and juniors against sophomore's and seniors! You are all free to go play now."

As I stood up I heard Jason's voice next to me, "Clapp's a stupid teacher."

"Trust me, I know." I replied, pulling my shirt off over my head. "Now come on, let's go kick some sophomore and senior ass!"

He shook his head at me in incredulity, "Must you take off your shirt?"

"It's more comfortable," I defended myself.

"Idiot."

I ignored his rude remark and positioned myself directly on the border where our team couldn't pass. They blew the whistle and I darted to the center of the gym, snatching two balls at a time and throwing them at two seniors, hard. They both flew backwards onto their asses. Jason was right next to me, grabbing two at a time as well, and hurling them both at a sophomore. The poor kid screamed when they hit him and he ran out of the gym clutching at his head.

Almost everyone in our team was into the game and hitting our opponents. I saw most of their team was already out and sitting at the bleachers. Hmm, we might win this time. I swiveled on my heel to catch a ball that went flying towards Jason at my right. But from the corner of my eye, as I caught the ball, I saw a certain silhouette that I could spot anywhere. I could spot her from a mile away. She was standing near the back, with a panic-stricken expression on her face. Her eyes wouldn't stay on one spot for longer than a second, they were everywhere. But then they landed on me...and stayed there. Her eyes went wide and a deep scarlet covered her cheeks as she saw me shirtless. She finally let her eyes meet mine, and I gave her a soft acknowledging smile. A dazed expression crept upon her face.

I laughed quietly to myself, and decided to get back in the game. But as I was turning, I saw a ball zooming fast towards Bella.

"BELLA, WATCH OUT!" I yelled.

The moment she locked gaze with the ball nearing her, I knew that I didn't have time to move, and neither did she. The ball hit her straight in the face, knocking her backwards against the wall. I saw as her head compacted against the concrete at full force. Her eyes shut tight, and agony flared onto her beautiful face. Instinctively, I wheeled around and grabbed the closest ball near me. Me eyes swept over the team before me and I caught sight of a senior, laughing and pointing at Bella. Bingo.

I chucked the ball at his head with as much force I could. He didn't even see it coming as it smashed against his arrogant face. He fell to the ground and let out a loud wail, holding his nose between his hands. With narrowed eyes, I pivoted on my heel and jogged towards Bella who was still lying on the floor with her head against the wall. Her eyes where closed and she wasn't moving. Oh, shit.

"Bella! Bella, are you alright?" I breathed, kneeling by her side.

No answer.

I shook her lightly by the arm, "Bella, can you hear me?" Obviously not if she's unconscious you dumb fuck.

Automatically, I gently slid one arm under her knees and the other –very carefully- behind her shoulders. I lifted her easily, how much did this girl weigh? Like eighty pounds?! I disregarded my useless mental ranting and headed straight towards the gym's double doors. Everyone had their eyes glued on us. Well more me, it was extremely uncommon for one of The Cold Ones to interact with someone out of the gang. But only Jason's face caught my attention. He gave me one swift nod, one that meant "_I won't tell, Keith."_ I gave him a sympathetic smile in return and left the gym.

I didn't bother taking Bella to the coaches because they're complete dimwits and I know they'd just tell me to take her to the nurse. So, why not just go straight there? I was practically running there now, but I instantly slowed a bit, not wanting to jostle Bella if she injured herself badly. As I neared the door to the nurse's, I kicked it open, and carefully carried Bella in.

"Excuse me Nurse, but she got hit with a ball in the face at gym and she flew back and hit her head against a wall. She's passed out," I rushed through quickly to the nurse standing in the small room by the sink.

I was about to lay Bella out on the bed there, but the Nurse's words stopped me in my tracks, "I-I'm sorry. But this is kind of my first day as your school Nurse and I kind of don't know how to handle any of this yet."

I stared dumbfounded at the young woman, "You've got to be kidding me!" I scoffed as I turned around and kicked the door open again. I had no other choice than to drive her to the hospital myself. I know it might be a little drastic, but I don't know what's wrong with her when she's limp in my arms.

As I made my way out the front doors of the school and towards the student parking lot, I boosted Bella's body up slightly so her head was resting on my shoulder and I could feel her wondrous breath hitting my bare chest every so often. Well, at least I know she's alive. Wait. I stopped dead in my tracks. How the _hell_ am I going to get to a hospital without a car? I am officially the biggest idiot ever.

I grunted and sat on the sidewalk in front of the building, whipping my phone out in the process. I heard it ring as I held Bella on my lap but cradled to my chest, "Hello?"

"Jason, please, I know this is a lot to ask man, but please. Can you please, I beg yo-"

I was cut off by him yelling, "Just spit it out, Ed!"

"Can you please give me a ride to the hospital?" I asked in one breath.

He didn't even hesitate to respond, "Of course. Let me run to my locker and get my keys. Where are you?"

"Outside on the sidewalk."

"Okay, go wait by the Integra, I'll be there in a couple minutes," he assured to me.

"Sure thing...and thank you, Jase. I really appreciate this." I told him sincerely.

"Anything for a bro." And at that the phone clicked. I smiled and shoved my phone back into one of the pockets in my basketball short.

I placed my right arm back under Bella's knees and lifted her up with me as I rose from the ground. I did a double take when I glanced down at her face as I walked towards Jason's car. Her expression was pained, even in her unconscious state. She had a bruise forming along the right side of her head along with a small bump. My jaw snapped in anger from that son of a bitch that hit her with the ball and then laughed when she fell.

I reached the car and leaned against the passenger side. I closed my eyes tightly as I put an effort in controlling my temper. Suddenly, I heard the Integra behind me beep, and the doors unlock.

"Lay her in the back seat!" Jason ordered as he reached us. He opened the passenger side door and pressed the seat forward, making space to place Bella in the back. I carefully set her on the seat horizontally, and immediately pushed the passenger seat backwards so that I could sit. Jason was already seated in the driver's side with the engine running while I was still shutting my door.

"Dude, you move really quick," I commented appreciatively.

"Yeah yeah, I know. Now shut up, and let me concentrate."

I didn't speak after that, for one of my arms were outstretched towards the back where I was holding Bella's body in place. Jason was driving like a maniac. No maniac is an understatement. He was driving more like a person running from the cop's after going on a massive killing spree. My body shot forward, despite the fact I had my seatbelt on, as the car came to an abrupt halt. I looked around and saw the hospital at my left. I sighed in relief and jumped out of the car, ramming the seat frontward in my haste. "Okay, I understand you want to get her inside, but don't kill my baby." Jason demanded.

"Sorry," I said and lifted Bella out of the car. I was walking towards the automatic doors when I felt a body walking at my left. "Jason, you don't have to stay. Go back to school; I don't want Keith on your ass."

"Shut up, Eddie. If he's going to be on yours, then he's going to be on mine," he replied in a serious tone.

"I love you, man."

His head fell back and he let out a boisterous laugh, "Who doesn't?"

I just shook my head at him and focused on getting Bella to a doctor. We stepped through the doors and directly went over to the desk at the front. "We need a doctor. Bella hit her head against a wall in gym after some guy flung a ball at her fac-"

"Bella?!" I turned towards the voice that interrupted me. A tall, blonde, blue-eyed doctor was promptly nearing us with panic burning fiercely in his eyes. "What happened here?"

"U-uh, we were in gym and some guy hit her with a ball in the face while we were playing dodge ball. She flew backwards from the impact and hit her head against the wall. Our school Nurse was kind of stupid and didn't know what to do so we brought her here," I explained quickly.

The doctor stood in front of me, hovering over Bella slightly. "Bella, honey can you hear me?" he asked her softly, placing a hand over her hair. _Honey?_

"Oh, and she kind of passed out back at the school," I added because he was trying to talk to her.

The doctor nodded and held his arms out to carry her, "may I? I need her take her to one of the rooms."

"Please, by all means," I placed her gently in his arms and he was on his way. I glanced at Jason and we both shrugged, trailing after the doctor who entered a close by room. Bella was already on the hospital bed. The doctor was now lifting one of her eyelids and turning a thin flashlight on directly in front of her eye. Bella flinched. I let out a long sigh of relief.

Her eyes leisurely fluttered open and landed on the doctor, "U-Uncle Carlisle?" she stammered. Uncle?...well it sure explains the 'honey' from before.

"Hey sweetie, you okay?" he leaned down and kissed her forehead softly.

She raised herself up, so she was leaning on her forearms, "I think so, my head just feels like it's going to explode. What happened?"

"Yeah, I would think so," he chuckled. "And someone hit you playing dodge ball back at the school. Then you hit your head when you fell back...let us take some X-rays though, so we can make sure you're completely well."

She nodded and averted his gaze. Her chocolate orbs glanced around the room and widened as she met my emerald ones, "um, w-what are you doing here, Edward?"

"We brought you here," I replied, getting lost in her big brown eyes.

"We?"

"That would be him and me," Jason announced, side-stepping from behind me and walking towards Bella. He stopped next to her bed and stuck his hand out, grinning widely, "Hi, I'm Jason."

Bella placed her small hand in his and shook it, "Nice to meet you, Jason. I'm Bella." She smiled warmly at him and took her hand back. "You guys didn't have to drive all the way over here. You guys missed gym."

"And you think we care? You were hurt and I didn't see anyone else coming to the rescue so I brought you here...with Jason and his car," I said matter-of-factly. She blushed in return, ahh lovely.

"Thank you," she whispered, staring at her hands.

Carlisle kept glancing from me to Bella with a knowing glint in his eye. Bella raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, and he quickly recovered with a shake of his head, "Bella, let's go get your X-rays done. Jason, Edward, I am forever in your debt, thank you for bringing Bella here safely."

"It was nothing, don't worry," Jason dismissed with a wave of his hand.

I nodded in assent, "just make sure she gets those X-rays done, Dr..."

"Cullen."

"Alright then Dr. Cullen, should we stay here and give Bella a ride back to get her things from school?" Jason asked.

Dr. Cullen shook his head, "No, it's fine. My shift ends shortly, I can take her myself and we'll go straight home from there. You two should go back to school...since one of you is wearing gym clothes and the other's half naked."

I dropped my head and looked down at myself, "oops, forgot."

"Then I guess we'll go now," Jason said as he walked towards the door, "Feel better, Bella!"

"Thanks, Jason!" she replied after him.

I gazed at her for an immeasurable moment. Just staring deep into her eyes, "B-bye Bella," I stuttered. _I_ stuttered? This girl's going to be the death of me.

She blushed violently, "Bye Edward, thank you."

I nodded and exited the hospital at Jason's tail. I caught up with him quickly as we neared the Integra. We were both silent as we got into his car and he turned on the engine. I took his I-pod out of the glove compartment and was about to turn it on when Jason snatched it out of my hand, "Oh no you don't."

I pouted and tried grabbing it back, "What? Why? You always let me listen to your I-pod!"

"Not right now. Right now, we're going to have a talk."

"About?"

"Bella," he said, I could hear the smile in his voice.

"What about Bella?"

"Shut up, Edward. I know you like her." He bellowed in the confines of the car.

I gaped at him as if he'd lost his mind. "Are you crazy? I don't like her!"

He sighed in exasperation, "You should see the way you look at her! The way you were watching her back there, you had the same look you used to get...when you used to be around your mother. I see a caring, loving person, and not a cold, emotionless one. And I see the same thing when she looks at you, not in the same scenario obviously, but she gazes at you as if there's nobody else in the room, just you and her. She clearly likes you back. You catch my drift, Eddie?"

"Not really, no."

"You both like each other! Gosh, you're difficult." He said, slamming his hand against the steering wheel.

I rolled my eyes and then closed them as I let my head fall back against the headrest. I did not like Bella. And she definitely did not like me. She could never like a person like me. I'm rude, arrogant, selfish and many other horrible things. I could never allow her to fall for a person like me, let alone _me_. That would just be incredibly preposterous. Just because I thought she was unbelievably beautiful in every way imaginable and just the thought of her makes my heart warm and flutter, doesn't mean I...Oh, great, I like Isabella Swan. I smacked myself hard on the forehead and groaned.

"I was waiting for that," Jason grinned cheekily, glancing away from the windshield to wink at me.

"Waiting for what?"

"Waiting for your whole, 'Ughh' and then hit yourself because you realized that you _do_ like her."

I stared at him as if he had two heads, "and you called me an idiot."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!" he sang victoriously. I actually laughed at this and leaned my head back again.

No wonder I've been feeling so strange these past two days. My thoughts almost blew up. Two days?! I like a girl after two days, and I've only talked to her once. I need to stay away from her; she can't get involved with me. I'm dangerous and I'll only ending up hurting her in the end. Jason's wrong, that angel does not have the same feelings I have.

Jason spoke before my thoughts continued on this unbearable course, "Edward, after we get to school and pick up our stuff, the bell is most probably going to ring. And since we don't have plans with the gang today, you want come over to my place. Katherine's been dying to see you."

I immediately brightened up at the suggestion. "Really?" What I truly meant to say was, 'yes, I don't have to go home get banged up by Stephen?' It's as if Jason could read my mind though.

"Yup."

We reached the school in a matter of minutes and just how Jason predicted, the bell had currently rung. We ran inside and into the dressing rooms to grab our things. I stuffed my jeans and t-shirt into my bag and put on my jacket, zipping it up since I was shirtless. I made my way back outside towards the car, and of course Jason was already there. It seemed that he was in a heated conversation with someone. As I got closer, I noticed it with Keith. Fuck.

"Everything alright here?" I asked loudly, so they could hear me.

"Its fine, Ed," Jason answered me in a hard voice, "let's go."

He climbed into the car, and I gave Keith a questioning glance, he just glared at me darkly and turned around, heading towards his black 2003 Mustang GT. He built that beauty up from scratch.

I soon followed after Jason, and got in the car. "What was that about?"

"Nothing." He replied curtly, gripping the steering wheel firmly. My eyes tightened slightly but I let it go. If Jason didn't want to tell me, he didn't have to. I kept many things from him as well.

We made it to his small one story house quickly and we both climbed out of the car at the same time and headed towards the door. He opened the front door with his key and as we stepped over the threshold he yelled, "Hey mom, I'm home!"

"Hey honey! I'll be in the kitchen soon to warm up some food for you!" his mother yelled from her room.

"Okay, thanks!"

We walked into the living room and there was my little fourteen year old laying upside down, with her head hanging off the couch, flipping through channels on the TV. "You know it's not good to lay like that with all the blood rushing to your head and all."

Her head snapped up at the sound of my voice, "Edward!" she flipped off the couch and ran towards me.

"Hey Kathy, I've missed my little sister!" I said, as I hugged her tightly to my chest. She hugged me back and I almost screamed from the searing pain in my ribs. I didn't say anything though because I didn't want to make her feel bad. I removed her arms from around me and picked her up, throwing her over my shoulder. She shrieked and her little fists thumped against my back.

I dropped her onto the couch and she landed on her stomach. "Gee Edward, thanks. I see how much you love me." She said, her voice muffled by the cushions.

"You know I do," I chuckled.

I flopped onto the couch and Kathy picked herself up to sit beside me. I threw my arm over her shoulder and she cuddled into my side. "Aw, what an endearing sight, my ex-sister and my ex-best friend," Jason cooed mockingly.

"Shut up Jase, you know you still love us," Kathy laughed from under my arm.

These are the best people in my life. Jason, Kathy and Landon. Well with a new addition of course, I can't deny my feeling for Bella. But I sure will ignore them. Right then walked in Jason's mother.

"Edward, dear I didn't know you were coming!" she said, furrowing her eyebrows at Jason for not informing her beforehand. "Would you like something to eat?"

I smiled kindly at the dimpled middle-aged woman and got up from the couch to greet her with a kiss on the cheek. "No thank you, Mrs. Cooper."

"Oh, well If you change your mind, just let me know and I'll happily whip something up for you," she said as she patted my cheek gently. She stared at my face for a little longer than necessary and her face scrunched up disapprovingly. "How is that you boys get into so many fights at school and don't get suspended?"

You see Jason's parents -along the other gang banger's parents- didn't know we were a gang. They just thought we are all close friends and just got into a lot of fights. I looked down at my feet and disregarded her question as she huffed and turned away from us to head to the kitchen. I felt bad not telling her and Kathy, but hey, they weren't even my family to tell.

With a sigh, I sat next to Kathy on the couch until it reached night time.

***

After a couple of hours of talking to Kathy and watching television, Jason took me home. Once we said our goodbye's and bumped fists, he was flying out of my neighborhood. I rubbed at my eyes as I walked up my driveway, thinking of today's passed events. It was a really long day, but to tell you the truth, it was the best day I've had in a long time. Mostly because I had talked to Bella, and I wasn't a complete jerk. I smiled to myself as I opened the front door and headed towards the stairs.

"Edward?!" I stopped like a deer in headlights at the foot of the stairs. I heard Stephen shuffling towards me from the living room.

Oh, fuck.

**REVIEW if you want more :) this chapter wasn't good at all in my opinion. I didn't get stuck in it or anything, but I just don't think it came out good. What do ju think?**

**Leave me jur thoughts. Hehe. And even though I didn't like it, I hope you all did.**

**Thank you for reading; I'll post up the next when I can [and after I update my other story, His Angel.] School's starting again this upcoming week, so maybe by next weekend I'll have another chapter up.**

**Love you all.**

**Lori**


	5. thirst of desire

My eyes were rammed shut and my breath was coming out in sharp pants. Why did he have to do this to me? After my -almost- good day? Why did he have to torture me this much? Oh, that's right, mom. I sighed and felt the tremors run down my spine as I turned slowly on my heel, eyes still shut. "Edward, _son_, what possessed you to actually come home tonight?" I flinched as Stephen's reeking breath fanned across my face. He was closer to me than I had thought.

My eyes snapped open to meet his deadly black ones, slightly dilated, but boring into mine nonetheless, "I come home every night."

"Don't dare lie to me you little fucker." He barked at me like an animal.

I stood my ground and replied tersely, "I'm not lying, Stephen. I just come home late."

"Yeah, of course you do," he slurred sarcastically, inching closer to me. I knew what was coming next. I could tell by the stony flicker igniting in his eyes. My eyes closed on their own accord as I felt his fist smash against my right cheek. Great, more crap on my face.

I stayed on my feet until he began using my stomach as his personal punching bag. I slumped to the ground as the pain lashed throughout my abdomen. A spark of hope washed over me as he stopped striking me for a split second, but I knew it was too good to be true as I felt a boot tip puncture my right calf. My whole body was being attacked by his boots, for someone who rarely ever goes to work; he always has his boots on. Suddenly, he smashed his foot against the back of my head, it bobbed forward and then back. I felt a warm liquid seeping through my hair as my vision began to darken and blur. My body seemed to have gone completely numb because I wouldn't move an inch. My eyes closed involuntarily, as I lost all sense of consciousness.

I woke up to find myself on the kitchen floor. Shit, how the hell did I get here? As if answering my own question, I tried to move but my body screamed at me in pain. My head felt like it was about to explode. I slowly reached my aching arms up to cradle my head in my hands. I let out a low groan as I touched a tender part on the back of my head. I shut my eyes momentarily and forced myself to rise from the ground. With stinging soreness rippling through my body, I managed to get on my feet and stand up somewhat straight. I could barely move my right leg, my calf was searing. I slowly knelt down to rub the back of it, but what I felt was an indentation of the tip of Stephen's boot etched into my leg. How the hell am I going to get through school today?

My eyes widened suddenly, school. My neck turned towards the clock on the wall. The clock indicated that it was around seven-ten. Fuck, class started at seven-thirty, I'm going to be late. I hobbled up the stairs as fast as my deadened legs would take me and charged into my bathroom. I ripped the clothes off of my back and turned the water on hot. I turned towards the mirror, and saw the dried up blood on the side of my head, it stuck to my hair like glue. My emerald but red rimmed eyes roamed over my abs and saw that I already had bruises covering most of them, I flinched.

I turned a little too quickly and my calf felt as if it where splitting in half and erupting in flames. I faltered and grabbed at the back of my leg helplessly. I saw it was awfully purple and filled with green botches, I tried tightening it, but nothing happened. I stood on the tips to my toes to try and tighten it again, but nothing. I nudged at the bottom of it, and it felt as if the muscle wasn't there, as if it where dead somehow, but agonizingly dead. I let out a shaky breath and somehow managed to climb into the shower with little difficulty.

After I was clean and had all the blood out of my hair and off of my body. I got dressed in denim blue jeans with a black thermal long-sleeve and my jacket over that. I shuffled down the stairs, grabbed my bag and limped out the door. As I quickly limped the few blocks to school I opened my bag and took out my phone. I flipped it open and saw that I had four missed calls and five text messages, all from Jason.

I checked my messages, _Eddie, I'm giving Landon a ride to school today too, so I'll pick you up a couple minutes earlier._

The second one was fifteen minutes after, _Ed, you there? Come outside I'm already here._

As I was reading the third I received another. _Edward Masen, what's going on? You alright? I was about to break down your door, but I didn't think you'd like that very much. Answer your damn phone. Class is about to start._

I quickly scrolled through my address book and pressed the green button to call him. It rang twice and he picked up. "Edward, where the fuck are you?"

"I'm on my way now, calm down, Jay," I replied, failing miserably to hide the pain from my voice as I pressed down on my right heel.  
"What's wrong? Are you hurt?" His voice raised an octave in worry.

"I'm fine, just a little banged up. Look I'm nearing the school so I'll talk to you later." I breathed.

"I can go pick you up if you want? Where are you?"

"Jason, I'm fine. I'll walk; I'll see you during lunch." At that I snapped my phone shut and ran a hand through my still wet hair. My hand hovered over the closing gash on the back of my head, it wasn't bleeding anymore, but it was still relatively open and extremely painful. I neared the last block to arrive at school, and realized that I didn't take any Aspirin today because my body was still practically shouting at me to stop moving. Shit, this is going to be one of hell of a day.

Limping into the schools parking lot, there was no one in sight. I checked the time on my phone and it read seven-forty. I did my best in walking into the building and to Biology as fast as possible, but there really was nothing I could do about my leg. I took a deep breath before opening the door and walking in. All eyes were boring into my face and I heard a few small gasps in the eerily silent class. I kept my head down as I walked over to my seat. I let my bag sag onto the floor beside me and as soon as I was in my chair, I placed my head over my folded arms on the desk in front of me. My head dug into the crook of my elbow, shielding my already sensitive eyes from the brightly lit classroom. A low moan escaped my lips as I accidentally bumped my calf into the bottom of my chair. I know I sound like a pansy, but I really fucking hurt without my Aspirin.

"A-are you alright?" my head flew up as I heard the angelic voice ask me. I locked gazes with her and saw the worry creased between her eyebrows. I turned away from her and replied through tight lips, "Yes, I'm fine."

"Well you don't look fine." She responded with a tint of attitude in her voice, I felt her body turn towards me.

I turned my head back to face Bella and raised a questioning eyebrow at her, I could see the determination set in her deep chocolate eyes, "I may not look it, but I am."

"Edward, please..." she whispered mostly to herself. When she saw that I wasn't going to respond she gave up and slouched in her seat.

"Why do you even care so much anyway?" I barked at her ruthlessly. I didn't mean it to come out that way, but once you say it you can't take it back. Bella noticeably stiffened in her seat at my harsh words and didn't look at me. But as an alternative she crossed her arms tightly over her chest, hunched in on her shoulders and let a curtain of brown hair cascade between us. How much I wish for her to turn to me and just fall into my arms instead of hide from me. I'm such a horrible person. Why can't I just think before I speak? It's such a nasty habit that I picked up from Keith. I sighed and felt like banging my head against the desk, but that wouldn't really aid my blasted headache.

Instead, I laid my head directly on the cool black table top of our shared desk. The chilly solid helped the pain in my head a bit but that just caused me to be even more focused on my leg. The scorching fire still remained all over my calf. I gradually let my hand fall under the desk and rub lightly against the back of my calf, it hurt so fucking much. I've never had an injury that's pained me so badly; I flinched as I accidentally pressed down on the indention that my step-father did to me. I removed my hand from underneath the table and let it fall in my lap.

I could see Bella watching me from the corner of my eye. She had her hands made into tight fists and they were situated in front of her lips, as if she was refraining herself from saying something out loud. Her cheeks were unbelievably scarlet today, oh how I desire to read the beautiful creature's mind, to speak to her without a care in the world, to hold her in my arms, to be with her.

I heaved my head off of the desk and roughly ran my hands over my face and then through my hair. I cupped my chin in one of my hands and stared vacantly at the front of the class. Mr. Banner was seated at his desk, completely absorbed in a Biology textbook. Isn't he supposed to be teaching us? Oh whatever, I hope he's giving us a free day today. I need a nice nap.

But of course, luck is never on my side. Banner shut his book and stood up from his desk. "Okay class, today you will be working on another assignment with your partners. The worksheets are at the center of your tables. Place it on my desk on your way out when the bell rings."

I let out a deep gust of air that I had apparently been holding in and grabbed the sheets of paper. I slid one towards Bella and placed one in front of me. I glanced over at her and noticed she hadn't moved. She remained with her arms crossed and her back ramrod straight. "Bella, are you okay?"

She stayed as if she hadn't heard me. I lightly placed my hand over her left shoulder, "Bella?" I felt her jump in her seat and a shiver run down her spine.

"W-what?" she stuttered in confusion as she twisted her head to look at me. I didn't realize that I had been leaning into her, so when she turned in my direction, our faces where merely inches apart. I couldn't build up the nerve to look away, so I continued ogling. Her jaw slacked slightly and her penetrating brown eyes sparkled as she gazed into my green ones. I threw her my signature crooked grin and she exhaled shakily from her mouth. I could feel her sweet breath linger above my mouth. Being only inches away from her lips gave me an incredible temptation.

I could feel her body trembling beneath my hand on her shoulder. "Are you cold?"

She seemed lost in the intensity of my stare, but surprisingly replied, "no, why?"

"Because you're shaking," I breathed lightly. Her eyes closed momentarily and she shook her head, leaning away from me to face the desk once again.

"N-no I'm not cold…how about we do this assignment?" She asked me lamely. I chuckled at her way of trying to change a subject.

"I'd rather not do it because I'm feeling kind of lazy today, but I wouldn't want to risk your grade." I answered cheekily, winking at her. What the hell is coming over me? Bella blushed fiercely and turned her head away, glancing down at her paper.

We worked on our rather simple assignment; it was a continuation from last class' lab. Between questions Bella and I would make some small talk. It was incredibly abnormal for me to be speaking to her so freely. It wasn't fair to her; I cannot allow myself to become so attached to someone as caring and selfless as Isabella Swan. It wouldn't end well. In the long run, I would end up hurting her somehow. I just know it, it always happens.

Biology flew by, and before I knew it I was packing up my bag to head over across the hall to my English class. I reluctantly stepped out into the hall and felt a small body mirroring my footsteps. I turned towards them and my heart fluttered like a hummingbird's wings when I saw who it was. She was walking with me to her class. I felt a sudden warmth radiate throughout my body and a small smile playing over my lips. "Hi um, where you headed to?"

"...English." She stated watching me as if I were mental and had more than one head.

"Oh, me too." I replied, "Who's your teacher?"

She just stared at me with a dumbfounded expression, "Same as yours…"

"How is that possible if you have it next...?" I trailed off mindlessly and absolutely confused.

"Edward, I'm in your class," she whispered, sounding hurt almost. Bella's in my class? How could I have _not_ noticed her? Fuck my life, I'm a complete jackass. She's been in that class for about three days and I haven't seen her. I need to start paying more attention to my surroundings, especially Bella. I sit all the way in the center back of the classroom in English, how could I have missed her though?

I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts as I heard a familiar friendly voice, "Hey Edward! What's wrong with your leg?"

"Oh hey, kid. And nothing, it's fine. How are you?" I asked tensely, as he jogged up to me and fell into step at my side.

He grinned widely, "I'm good and you?"

Thankfully he immediately let the leg limp drop. "Okay."

"Oh alright...and um, who's this?" he asked curiously, all the while leaning in front of my body to scrutinize Bella who was walking shyly at my right.

I instantly stiffened up and wondered if Landon would tell Keith about her. Nah, Landon's a trustworthy kid. "This is Bella Swan, my...friend."

My head turned towards Bella and I saw her gazing back at me with what seemed to be surprise and hopefulness written all over her face. I looked into her eyes to try and find any sign of apprehension or regret, but I didn't see any. She smiled widely at me and turned her head back towards the hall.

"Oh, well it's nice to meet you, Bella. I'm Landon Sinclair," he said brightly, sticking his hand out in front of my body to shake Bella's hand enthusiastically.

Landon chattered animatedly to us the rest of the way towards English. You can say he was sort of our source of entertainment for those couple of minutes. But let me tell you, that boy has an unbelievably strong pair of lungs. He could go on forever.

In a matter of seconds, Bella and I reached our English class and Landon bid us a farewell. "I like him. He's all smiles and seems like a great person to be around," Bella beamed warmly once Landon had fled towards his class.

"Yeah he is." I ran a hand over the thick stubble growing on my face as I remembered what had occurred between Bella and I before Landon had interrupted. "Listen, Bella, I'm really sorry about not noticing you in my English class. I just don't really pay much attention in that class. I usually sit all the way at the back and just stare at the clock the entire time, hoping it'll tick by a little quicker."

She shrugged, "No its okay, Edward. Don't worry about it, I don't even sit near you...but if I where to be sitting in the seat right next you then maybe I would have gotten offended, but I don't. So it's all good," she chuckled sarcastically. Though she says she doesn't mind and that it's okay, I know it's not. Her eyes were guarded; hiding what she really sought out to say. My jaw tightened for the least bit because I knew she was lying but I let it go. I'm most probably coming off to her as some sort of freak already.

Though I have only known her for a few days, I feel like she's been my friend forever. As if we had been playmates in our childhood and now finally meeting once again. I rolled my eyes at my ridiculous thought and opened the door for Bella to walk through. Once she was inside, I followed her with my eyes to see where she sits.

First row, first seat.

No wonder I'd never spotted her here. She's blocked from my line of sight and I never even bother looking in that direction. My stomach automatically fluttered wildly as I thought that I now actually had a reason to glance over there every once in a while. Bella.

I plummeted into my seat, crossed my arms lightly over my abs and leaned back against the chair beneath me, preparing myself for a not so dull two hours of English.

**Finished with this chappie ^.^ I hope you all liked this one. :D I wrote this yesterday when my friend, Linda, was over writing her own FanFiction on another computer. Haha. **

**Yes, as you can see Edward's already whipped. He really likes her, though he's only known her for a short amount of time x] But it's cute c:**

**Hmm, I only got three reviews for my previous chapter. How about we pass five? Please? Hehe. More reviews makes me update faster :D**

**I LOVE REVIEWS, SO REVIEW! :)**

**Thank you, I'll try and update soon, after I update my other story, His Angel. **

**Love you all.**

**Lori**


	6. secrets got me

**A/N: okay sorry if I'm reposting this chapter for some of you. My computer went all retarded on me after I "posted" it yesterday and immediately shut off after. So I'm not sure whether it got posted or not. *sigh* having a messed up computer is so much fun -_-**

**Well anyways, disregard if you already read it, if not, then enjoy :) thank yous. **

English wasn't as dreadful and monotonous today. I had a source of diversion. Watching Bella. I know that sounds kind of uncanny but I was so entranced by her every movement that I couldn't look away. Who would ever want to look away from something so incredibly stunning? I sighed and cupped the underside of my chin with my left hand. I knew at that moment, that I'd get to know Bella Swan. As much as I'd regret it in the future, I just couldn't ignore the compelling pull I had towards her. I don't want her to be endangered by me and my world, but I'm a selfish being, so I follow my instincts. The discordant bell suddenly ripped me away from my trance.

I snatched my bag off of the floor next to me and scampered out of my seat from my still frazzled thoughts. As I flung the strap of my bag over my shoulder, I exited the classroom just to see a lovely figure walking in front of me. Having a burst of courage, I jogged up to her and fell into stride beside her. I shoved my hands roughly into my pockets and cleared my throat. Her head swiveled in my direction and when her chocolate eyes met mine, I swear I saw them automatically light up. I smiled softly to myself and glanced down at my feet as I walked.

"So, who're you eating lunch with today?" I blurted out without thinking.

She glanced up at me and beamed, "my cousins."

"What where their names again?"

"My aunt and uncle's kids, Emmett and Alice. They're adopted." She shrugged nonchalantly.

My brow furrowed slightly. I never knew the midget and Emmett were adopted. "And the other two? The blonde's?"

"Jasper and Rosalie Hale. They're twins and are both dating my cousins."

I already knew that source of information but I had forgotten Rosalie's and midget's names. Alice suits her though, small name for a small person.

Before I could reply, a body tackled me down in a playful headlock. Though I knew it was teasing, it was ridiculously agonizing. My body was still brutally throbbing. A loud and embarrassing cry escaped my lips as I fought against the arms around my neck. But they still wouldn't let go. What the fuck, did they not just here me almost sob? Who the hell is this dense person? But then my best friend's voice saved me from almost weeping in public.

"Paul, let him go. Now." Jason's voice was laced with unaccountable fury.

Paul's arms where immediately removed from around my neck as I fell to my knees from lack of balance. I stroked the back of my neck as I swiftly but painfully rose to my feet. "Ed, you okay?" Jason asked, looking me over like a concerned parent.

I nodded, "yeah, I'm fine man. Thanks. Just still a little sore from this morning."

Jason raised his eyebrow's, waiting for me to continue. But as I opened my mouth to inform him on what happened this morning with Stephen, my eyes caught a petite profile behind him. My lips instantly shut on their own accord.

Jason saw me gazing past him and turned around, almost knocking Bella over in the process. "Whoa, didn't see you there! Sorry," he apologized sincerely, catching her by the shoulders before she fell onto her ass.

"It's okay, I'm sort of a danger magnet, don't blame yourself." She sighed, clearly annoyed with herself. No wonder I feel such an anomalous force towards her. I'm danger.

"...Jason, right?" she asked him as she fiddled with her fingers.

He nodded enthusiastically and grinned down at her, "and you're Bella."

She smiled in return and ran a pale hand through her glossy mahogany hair. "Hey, how'd you get that pink scar above your eye?" Jason asked her curiously. Damn, that imbecile.

"Oh, um an accident." She replied curtly, turning her gaze away from him to glance at me. I saw a flash of anxiety flicker in her eyes before she blinked and turned towards Jason once again.

He rocked back and forth on his heels, "...oh, alright. Sorry, I didn't mean to pry or anything."

She waved it off, "it's fine."

The three of us stood there in the middle of the hallway looking as awkward as can be until an unexpected bell made us all jump. I looked at the time on my phone, half past twelve. No wonder no one was in the hallway, they were all at lunch. "So, are you guys planning on eating today or are you just going to stand there like idiots?"

Jason exploded in laughter as he saw a beautiful crimson creeping onto Bella's face. I openly glared at him and shoved him towards the cafeteria's double doors. "Dude watch it! I could've totally just gotten a concussion there if I didn't have cat like reflexes."

I rolled my eyes at him as he continued, "besides, she knew I was just playing around. Didn't you, Bells?" She giggled at him and nodded, blushing again.

The three of us where smiling widely when we entered the cafeteria. All movement around us died as the crowd saw who stepped through the doors. A chorus of whispers and mumbles surrounded us as we walked towards the serving lines. "Why is everyone staring at the three of us?" Bella asked me anxiously as she picked up an apple.

I leaned down to whisper in her ear; I saw goose bumps rise on her neck from when my breath made contact with her skin. "The kids at this school aren't accustomed to seeing members of The Cold Ones out of formation. Especially if they're hanging out with someone out of the gang."

"So is it bad that I'm here with you guys? I'll leave if you want." Bella began to make her way out of the line, but before she could, I grabbed her hand to stop her. An electric current ran up my arm and traveled throughout every fiber of my being. I pulled her back slightly to get back in place.

"No. Let them think that they want. I don't really give a fuck and neither does Jason. Right, Jay?" I leaned over Bella's shoulder to tap him on the arm.

He turned around and had a lost look in his eyes as he chewed on a slice of pizza, "huh, what?"

I shook my head at him for not paying attention and turned my focus back on Bella. "Well, he doesn't care either, so don't worry about him." I flashed her my lopsided grin and her eyes unfocused for a moment. My heart melted at the effect I had on her. If she only knew her effect on me...she'd have me wrapped around her little finger.

We all got our lunch, besides me because I didn't have money, and made our way out of the serving area. Jason and I walked Bella to her table, which was populated by those goody two shoes. They all overtly glowered at Jason and me, but we simply ignored them. "Bye new friend!" Jason waved enthusiastically and leaned down to give Bella a peck on the cheek. He turned and walked away.

I stood there for a few seconds and ran a fretful hand through my tousled bronze colored hair. I muttered a "bye Bella" before turning around to walk to the gang's table. Fucking retard, why couldn't you kiss her cheek like Jason? I'm such a fucking moron.

I reached the table and plopped down onto an open seat next to Jason. I looked around the table to see all the other gang bangers giving us a stare down. "What?"

They all quickly averted our gaze and my questionings back to their food. All but Landon, of course. I smiled warmly at him, "hey kid, what's up?"

"Nothing much...so, I saw you where hanging with Bella before, huh?" he inquired, raising an inquisitive eyebrow at me.

I looked down at my hands over the table, "yeah...and?"

"She's pretty cool."

I didn't reply to that. I just dozed off at the mess of teenagers before me. Of course, I couldn't help but glance over at where Bella sat. I did a double take when I saw her in a heated conversation with the people at her table. My brow furrowed as I saw her and the midg- I mean, Alice, with an almost pleading look on their faces. Emmett and Jasper had frowns on their faces but their eyes were raging like fire.

I tried to read their lips as they spoke because I could barely hear any private conversation over the loud buzz of the student body. '_Bella, Jazz and I are just looking out for you. You can't blame us!'_

I could clearly make out Bella's reply, '_I'm not blaming you guys for anything. I'm just saying that I can take care of myself, and whoever I hang out with is none your business._'

'_But Edward Masen and Jason Cooper?! Really? You couldn't have picked a rowdier pair. They're not safe to be around.' _Jasper said. I felt a twinge of anger wash through me. I know I'm not safe to be around, but they better shut the fuck up about Jason before I make them. At the same moment, sudden warmth situated itself in the pit of my stomach. Bella's defending me. I smiled and looked away from them, not wanting to snoop any longer.

The rest of lunch passed by in a blur and it was finally time for last period gym. I limped into the changing rooms, and somewhat got myself dressed without toppling over from the pain lashing throughout my calf as I slid my shorts on. The stinging in my leg only worsened during the day. I have a feeling I'm sitting the activities out on the bleacher's today.

After I finished changing, I actually arrived early so that I wouldn't be forced to do the seventy-five pushups. I found Jason seated in the crowd and I glanced to the seat beside him just to see that it was occupied. I looked at the person's face and saw that it was none other than Bella. I large grin broke across my face as I met Jason's stare. He leaned back slightly so that Bella wouldn't see what he was doing, and mouthed a "you're welcome."

I flinched as I tried to walk a little faster than usual, but gave up and walked at a normal pace. I reached the bleacher's within seconds and plummeted myself beside Bella. "Hey guys," I greeted them, attempting to hide the pain in my voice. I gave Jason a pat on the shoulder and leaned down to give Bella a kiss on the cheek. My lips blazed as they pressed against the skin on her cheek.

I backed away very slowly from her beet red face and searched her eyes. They were overflowing with an emotion that I couldn't identify, an emotion that I'd never seen before. Is it possible that she could be feeling the same way as me? No, never. Sorrow washed through me as I turned away from her.

"Edward, what's wrong?" she asked softly, placing a small hand over my forearm.

I glanced down at her hand and then back up to her face, "nothing. I'm fine."

Thankfully, she let it drop.

The shrill of a whistle interrupted the awkward silence that was surely to ensue. "Alright, basketball today! No one will be allowed to sit out so don't bother asking any of the coaches...you may all form whatever teams you want. You're free to go play now!" Coach Clapp roared through a bullhorn from his office.

Shit, I have to play. I inwardly groaned and stood from the bleachers with Bella and Jason at my side. "Um, I'll go find Jessica and Lauren to play with." Bella said shyly from my side.

"Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory?" Jason grimaced, "ew hell no, you're staying with Eddie and me."

"Don't call me, Edd-"

But Bella interrupted me before I could continue. "What?! No. I am not going to ruin this game for you guys. I'm a total klutz."

Jason shrugged, "who cares? Half the people here are clumsier than you, so don't argue with me. I always win."

Bella sighed and a worried expression was instantly etched onto her face. Without thinking, I bent over slightly and pressed my lips against her hair, which was directly over her ear. "Don't fret, Bella. You'll be fine. I won't let anything happen to you." She blushed fiercely in response and looked down at her feet, hiding her face from me.

My heart thudded unevenly within my chest.

A ball came soaring towards me and I caught it swiftly between my palms. "Ed, I got us a group of people to play with." Jason informed me from across the court.

We all made our two separate teams, and Bella mostly remained on the sidelines to avoid attention. We played for about an hour and we where winning by a landslide. My senses mechanically heightened as I saw the basketball airborne and zooming towards a traumatized Bella. Oh fuck, not again. I flung myself forward and caught the ball at mid-jump, spinning in the air so that instead of landing on my face; I'd land on my back. But that didn't work out as well as I'd thought it would.

My right leg caught my fall as I stumbled backwards onto the hard gym floor. I fucking swear my leg was about to fall off. My calf was searing worse than before. Every inch of it screamed at me to stop moving. So I did. I lay on my back with the ball tight between my hands and on my chest. I threw it next to me and let it dribble away. My eyes closed involuntarily as I held back the sob threatening to escape my lips. Damn it, Edward, be a man. I groaned loudly and opened my eyes.

"Edward, are you alright?!" Bella's voice instantly calmed me as I heard her nearing. She kneeled by my side and placed a hand lightly over my hair. Whoa, she wasn't kidding when she said she was a danger magnet.

I gradually rose to sit on my rear, "Yeah, I think so."

Jason ran over and grabbed one of my elbows as Bella grabbed the other to help me up to my feet. The moment my right foot made contact with the ground, my whole leg gave out and I landed on my knee. "Fucking shit," I mumbled mostly to myself.

"Bella, grab his whole arm and lift him up as much as you can. Edward, support yourself with your left leg." Jason demanded strictly. I nodded obligingly, and rose onto my left foot. I let my right leg bend slightly, so it hovered above the ground. Jason let go of my elbow and walked towards my back. He knelt down and scrutinized the back of leg.

"Holy shit, Edward! What the hell happened to your calf?!" Jason hollered from behind me.

I played dumb, "what do you mean? What's wrong with it?"

"What's wrong with it?! It's fucking purple and green! What the fuck happened?" he asked, rushing around my body to face me and look me in the eye. I gave him a pleading look, a look that meant I couldn't say it out loud. A look that meant Stephen.

His eyes tightened for the least bit and instantly softened. "Um, apparently Edward doesn't want to fess up and say what happened...but it looks like his calf is seriously messed up. And I think he should have it check out." Bella spoke softly from beside me. I had almost forgotten she was still standing there, clutching onto my arm.

"You're right, Bells. Come on, Edward. Let's go to the hospital...again." Jason sighed, grabbing my left arm and placing it across his shoulders to support my weight.

"No no no no, I am not going to the hospital for this _minor_ injury." I protested whilst locking my left leg in place.

"Edward Masen, since when are you such a baby?"

I groaned and began hobbling towards the door with Jason and Bella. "If you want...we could always go to my house. My Uncle Carlisle's off today, he only goes in if he gets paged."

I shook my head, "no Bella, I wouldn't want to bother him on his day off."

"He'd be perfectly fine with it though. And this way you won't have to pay for anything."

Before I could respond, Jason answered for me. "Okay Bells, you should come with us though so you could give us directions on how to get there."

"Gladly. The less time I have in this godforsaken place, the better." She muttered, removing a hand from my arm to tuck back a strand of hair that escaped from behind her ear.

We arrived at the Integra in no time. I carefully climbed into the passenger seat, without banging my leg up much, as Jason turned on the engine. As soon as all of our doors where shut, we were racing out of the parking lot much like yesterday.

***

We came to a screechy halt in front of a pallid white three story house. The whole front yard was adorned with flowers of all different colors. "Holy crap, this house is amazing." Jason gawked as his eyes roamed the yard through the windshield.

"Our family has an excess amount of money." Bella said, with a tint of annoyance seeping through her words,

I turned my head to look at her in alarm, "you don't like the fact that your family has a lot money?"

"Not really. It's all way too extravagant for my taste."

I gaped at her, "ugh, I wish."

Jason climbed out of the driver's seat and stormed over to my side to help me out. I grimaced as he opened my door, I hate feeling so vulnerable.

The three of us made our way to the front door and Bella banged on the door loudly. Seconds later the door swung open to reveal gracious looking woman with light brown hair and hazel eyes. "Bella? What're you doing home so early? And who're your friends?" she asked, glancing between Jason and I warily.

"Aunt Esme, this is Edward and Jason." Bella introduced, gesturing us with her hand. "Edward hurt himself during gym. Is Carlisle here?"

Esme nodded, opening the door widely so that we could enter. "He's upstairs in his study, I'll go get him for you. Feel free to make yourselves comfortable."

At that Esme disappeared up the stairs and we all sat down in the living room. Bella and I sat on the sofa while Jason stood pacing back and forth in front of us. "Jason, you can sit you know." Bella informed him.

He shrugged, "Yeah I know, but I don't want to."

After a few peaceful minutes we heard footsteps descending the stairs. "Ah, Edward, Jason, we meet again." Dr. Cullen said as Bella and I rose from the couch. Jason pushed me back down lightly by the shoulder and told me to stay seated.

"So, what's the problem now?" Dr. Cullen asked, stooping down to my level.

"When we where in gym, a basketball came flying towards Bella, and recently unveiling that fact that she's incredibly clumsy, I don't think her catching a ball thrown by a quarterback on the varsity football team would've ended very well."

"Thanks for that, by the way..." she added shyly from beside Jason.

I smiled up at her sincerely, "my pleasure."

"Well anyways," Jason said with a roll of his eyes, "when Edward caught the ball, he fell and injured his calf even more than it was before."  
Dr. Cullen scrutinized my calf and poked around it causing me to flinch, "what do you mean by 'even more than it was before?'"

Three pairs of eyes bored into mine as they waited for a response. They where completely mistaken if they thought I was going to reply to that. I would lie, but then I'd feel truly guilty being untruthful to the people I cared about. So as an alternative, I stared down at my hands as they lay limp in my lap.

"Bella, Jason, can you two excuse us for a moment?" I watched as Jason and Bella left towards the kitchen, leaving me to face the doctor.

"Edward, would you like to tell me what's going on?"

I shook my head and crossed my arms, staring directly into Dr. Cullen's eyes, "not really, no."

"Fine then. Would you like to tell me then what happened before?"

I sighed and pressed my palms firmly over my eyes. "I got hurt; I was walking backwards...and backed up into a splintered table..."

"Okay, I'm going to pretend that I actually believe that. Let me just tell you what you have, it's nothing drastically bad or anything. Your calf muscle detached. That is why if you try and stand on the tips of your toes, it feels as if your leg is going to explode?" I nodded as he continued, "you can either have surgery to have it repaired or you can leave it how it is."

"What would happen if I left it alone? Will the pain eventually go away? Would I be able to walk?"

"Yes yes, of course. It won't hurt anymore after a couple of months or so. And it just won't have as much strength as the left leg." He said, sitting on the couch next to me.

I grazed a hand over my face and over the diminutive stubble growing on my cheek, "I think I'll leave it how it is then...if that's fine?"

"It is. Let me just run upstairs and bring down some pain killers so that you can actually walk properly from now on."

"Okay, thank you, Dr. Cullen."

He nodded and gave me an earnest smile, "please, call me Carlisle." I flashed him a tight smile in return and as soon as he disappeared up the stairs, I threw my head back against the sofa.

I heard light footsteps nearing me. Expecting to see Carlisle, I raised my head and looked towards the stairs, but in his place I saw Esme walking towards me. "Oh I didn't mean to startle you, dear...I just wanted to know if you would like to stay for dinner tonight?" she beamed at me in such a motherly fashion that it tore at my insides. My mom used to give me that same exact look.

I turned away before my thoughts got out of hand, "um I appreciate the offer, Mrs. Cullen, but-"

"-he'd love too." Jason interrupted, walking out of a hallway with Bella trailing behind him. What is up with everyone cutting me off today?!

Esme's smile grew even wider if that where possible. "Great, would you like to stay as well, Jason?"

"No thanks, Mrs. C. My mom loves our family dinners every night. So I'm going to have to pass. Thank you though." Jason grinned down at her.

Annoyance bubbled deep within me. Who the hell is he to speak for me? I never said I wanted to stay for dinner. As much as I actually _do_ want to, I detest feeling like someone's charity case.

"I'm going to head back to school and pick up all of our stuff. Edward I'll bring your stuff over here. And Bella I'll ask one of the female coaches to retrieve your stuff from the girl's locker room for me." Jason said as he headed towards the door. "Thank you, Mrs. Cullen, again. Have a good afternoon." At that he was out the door.

I scoffed to myself, well that sure was a bit rushed.

Ugh, I shouldn't be annoyed with Jason. He's just looking out for his best friend; he's the only one that cares for what happens to me.

I took a deep unnecessary breath, and prepared myself for what was to come.

**Hello everyone. I don't know, I wasn't planning on writing this today, but I did. And so yeah, there you go. :)**

**I hope you all enjoyed it. And now Edward's staying for dinner :D and I know a lot of stuff is happening at the moment, like in each chapter....but too bad, that's how I like it. And if you don't then you don't have to read it. No one's forcing you...sorry, I'm in a crappy mood today....I don't know why.**

**Anyways, if you review, I update. If you don't, then no update. Ya feel me? Muhaha :D**

**So....REVIEW AND LEAVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS! Pass six?**

**Thank you**

**Lori**


	7. i'll find what lies beneath

**A/N. sorry about reposting again. My computers acting up -__- I'm using the laptop and it's not cooperating with FanFiction, so sorry if you got the alert twice. :/**

**Enjoy (:**

A small child with spiky short hair was caught running around in a colorful playground. Beside her, stood a little boy with dimples and mahogany curly locks who had his arms wrapped around the waist of a much younger looking Esme. It was the perfect picture, one that you would see in a frame at a convenient store. The only one missing was Carlisle, though he was the one who was most probably taking the picture. I sighed, and averted my eyes from the photo. Glancing at another one alongside it, I found myself smiling. Warmth radiated from the pit of my stomach as I saw a little Bella grinning widely up at the camera. She was missing her two front teeth and her brown hair was a giant knot, she was adorable.

Bella Swan had no idea the affect she has on me. Knowing her for less than a week, she already had me wrapped around her little finger. She was just so...different. It seemed to me that she would actually be my friend, unlike every other female I've met. Bella was gentle and sweet and didn't care much to be hanging out with people so hazardous. This was incredibly wrong on my part though, allowing her to talk to me. It wasn't safe for her, I am a dangerous being. One that shouldn't have friends...let alone one like Bella. I flinched slightly as a sweet melodic voice interrupted my thoughts. "Yeah, I was four in that picture. I came down here from Forks to visit Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme."

I glanced to my right and there stood Bella with her hands behind her back with a flushed and slightly embarrassed expression. How I longed to capture her face between my hands.

"It's cute. And your hair looks awesome." I chuckled lightly, showing her my crooked grin.

She turned an even darker shade of scarlet and allowed her head to fall forward somewhat. Her hair cascaded past the sides of her head, shielding her face from me. I've noticed that that is something she does quite a lot. It appears that she doesn't like people seeing her blush or embarrassed...well who would? I stared down at her, smiling and waiting for her to meet my eyes once again. When she did, my knees almost gave out. Her chocolate orbs sparkled brightly at my emerald ones. Her cheeks remained a faint shade of pink. Ugh, she's going to be the death of me.

Thankfully, she broke the comfortable silence. If that stillness would have drawn on, I would have found myself doing something not so chivalrous. "Would you like to go sit down? You shouldn't be standing on that leg right after drinking pain meds. It'll take slower for the affects of the pills to work. Trust me, I would know."

I laughed at her words, of course she would know. Bella here's one for danger. "Sure, let's go."

Bella led me out of the hallway and back into the living room. We sat side by side on the long black couch. She shifted beside me to sit cross-legged and faced me. She gazed at me, reading my expression, as if wanting to say something, but was not able to put into words. Finally she formed the words and spoke, "So, how did you and Jason meet?"

I shrugged, "middle school. He was the only one that would talk to me. I remember the first day of seventh grade as if it was just yesterday....

**Flashback**

_I walked into my Honors Algebra class, nervous and hunched over. I strolled through the rows of seats looking for an empty one. When I found one, I plunged my stuff onto the ground and my body into the seat. I fidgeted and ran a hand though my hair...nervous habit. I heard the desk to my left scrape against the tiled floor. _

"_Hi! I'm Jason, what's your name?" the boy who'd just sat down was facing me with a hand outstretched in my direction._

_I awkwardly took it and shook it lightly, "I'm Edward."_

"_Cool name. So, Eddie, what kinds of things do you like?" the boy, Jason, asked me. _

"_Don't call me, Eddie. And I like cars, music and my pia-" I immediately stopped myself before I could continue. No one knew of hidden passion. Only my mom knew, and she was the only one that would ever know._

"_And your what?"_

_I shrugged, "nothing, don't worry about it."_

"_Well alright I guess...hey you want to hang out after school? My mom said it's fine if I invite someone over."_

_I scratched the back of my head anxiously. "Um, I'd have to call my mom when the bell rings and tell her where I'm going to be if that's fine."_

"_Yeah, of course," he grinned widely at me, showing two rows of perfect white teeth, "we're going to be great friends."_

**End Flashback**

"....and from then on, we've been the best of friends." I ended, gazing into Bella's eyes. She just sat there beaming up at me as if that where the greatest story she'd ever heard. Funny, girl.

Her eyes where soft and calm as they bored into mine, "that's really sweet, Edward. Jason's such a great friend to you...he looks at you in such a protective way. Like an older brother looking down at his younger brother, looking after you and always making sure you're okay."

I nodded, "he's always been that way with me, and that's exactly why I love the idiot."

An unexpected knock came from the front door. Bella hopped up from the couch and jogged over to it, flinging it open she smiled and glanced over her shoulder at me, "speak of the devil."

Jason strolled in with my bag and clothes in one hand and Bella's things in the other. A mischievous grin was plastered onto his face. "So, what have you guys been up to?" he asked, as he threw my things onto my lap whilst placing Bella on the far end of the couch.

I rolled my eyes at him, "just talking."

"Just talking, eh?" He raised a curious eyebrow at me, probably expecting me to tell him that Bella and I had a full out make out session in her living room. And that, of course, did not happen.

Bella nodded, she had returned to her seat beside me, "yeah, we just talked...about you actually."

Jason threw a playful glare in my direction and shrugged. "Well, I'm glad you guys had fun talking about my awesomeness, but I have to go. My mom and Kathy are expecting me home."

With that, he stepped forward, bumped my fist lightly and leaned down to place a small peck on Bella's forehead. He was about to start walking out when he halted in his steps and stared down at me with worry set in his eyes, "Fuck. Ed, I can't pick you up to take you home. My grandparents are coming in from out of town and my mom isn't allowing any of us to leave the house."

I shrugged thoughtlessly, "its fine man. I can walk."

Bella's hand connected with my shoulder in an instinctive smack. "I'm not going to let you walk home, Edward. I'll drive you."

Jason sighed in relief, "thank you, Bells. I owe you big time."

She waved off his remark and followed him out to lock the door. She was about to turn and walk back towards me when Esme's voice rang around the house. "Dinner's ready!"

As I limped behind Bella, I leaned down casually and placed my lips close to her hair, "where are your cousins? Don't they eat at home?"

Bella's head turned in my direction and her face was inches away from mine. "They'll be here in about two minutes. They always get here on time."

At that precise moment, we heard the front door bang open as Bella and I sat on the dining room table. I threw myself carefully into the seat beside Carlisle and across from Esme. My body instantly stiffened, knowing it was Emmett and Alice who had just arrived. Shit, I already knew they didn't like me. I wonder how they where going to react when they saw me sitting here...in their house...next to Bella. I took a deep breath and readied myself.

The first one to step through the foyer was Emmett. His massive build was slightly bigger from up close which had me practically shitting bricks. He had a dimple filled grin on his face as he glanced around the table at his family. His eyes did a double take when they met mine and instantly hardened. His smile fell away from his face and was automatically replaced with one of disgust. "What the fuck is he doing here?"

"Emmett Cullen! That is no way to speak to a guest in this house. Sit down. _Now_." Esme scolded, her eyes were raging as she glowered at her son who sat in the seat beside her, still glaring daggers at my face.

Before anyone could respond to his question, the spiky haired girl, Alice, danced into the room. She was smiling from ear to ear and when she saw me, her smile grew even wider. Well I sure as hell wasn't expecting that reaction from her. "Oh, hi! Edward Masen, right?" She danced over to me and gave me a peck on the cheek.

I instantly calmed down; at least she doesn't hate me. But that means she didn't see anything wrong with me, which was bad. "Um, yeah, Edward. And you're Alice?"

"Yes sir!" she chirped, skipping past my seat to sit beside her cousin.

The room fell into an uncomfortable hush. As Carlisle cleared his throat, preparing himself to speak, Emmett cut him off. "So, what _are_ you doing here, Masen?"

Bella answered his question for me. I took a mental note to remind myself to thank her later. "He hurt himself in gym and Jason and I brought him here to your dad. Then Aunt Esme invited him over for dinner. Chill out, Emmett."

"_Jason Cooper_?" Emmett asked. He said Jason's name as if it where some kind of disease.

My eyes instinctively tightened, "Yes, Jason Cooper. Is there a problem?"

That was the first time I'd spoken since Alice and Emmett had arrived. Much to my surprise, my voice came out more demanding and stronger than I had expected.

Emmett looked taken aback that I had spoken directly to him. He mumbled a barely coherent 'no' and continued eating.

As we all ate Esme's amazing food, Carlisle spoke to me and asked about my family. I told him about my mother dying which was ridiculously hard to put into words. They all stared back at me with sympathetic and sad eyes as I spoke, even Emmett. "...but that was years ago. It was the past." I ended in a tight voice. I felt Bella place a warm hand over my forearm as I spoke. When I finished I looked down at her now saddened eyes, they were filled with tears. I wanted to erase that expression from her face; I wanted to obliterate it from my memory. I never wanted Bella to feel sorry for me. Again, I am nobody's charity case.

When dinner was finally over, it was only six-thirty and I really didn't want to go home to face Stephen yet. He was just too much. As if reading my mind, Bella insisted I stayed over a while longer so that we could talk. She led me up the three flights of stairs and into her room. Her room was surprisingly nothing like how I pictured it...not that I've pictured her room or anything. Anyways, it had a queen sized bed pushed back against the back wall. She had her own bathroom on the side, with a door and everything. She had seven rows of CD's aligned along her wall with massive speakers protruding from its sides, her walls where a dark shade of red. This looked more like a boy's room, but you could somehow tell it was a female's. I smiled when I walked in, it was amazing, and I wished my room looked like hers.

The CD's are what drew me in though. I scanned each row, and was surprised that I knew every artist. This girl just kept on surprising me. I found one that made jaw drop and eyes go wide in astonishment. "_You_ like Breaking Benjamin?"

She chuckled and took it off of the rack. "Yes, why so surprised?"

"No reason." I shrugged.

Bella smiled and took it off of the rack. She seemed deep in thought as she scanned the back cover. She nodded to herself and opened the lid. She took out the CD and pressed it into the player over the speakers. She backed up and jumped onto her bed, sliding towards the top so she was leaning back against the headboard. I followed after her and sat lightly at the foot of the bed across from her. We stared at each other as Breaking Benjamin's, _What Lies Beneath, _reached our ears and took us both into our own trance. I saw as she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Her lips slowly began to move as the lead singer's did.

_Take a breath  
Hold it in  
Start a fight  
You won't win  
Had enough  
Let's begin  
Never mind  
I don't care _

_All in all  
You're no good  
You don't cry  
Like you should  
Let it go  
If you could  
When love dies in the end _

I watched as her hands tightened into fists in her lap. Apparently the song's lyrics took a toll on her. Where they as meaningful to her as they where to me?

_So I'll find what lies beneath  
Your sick twisted smile  
As I lay underneath  
Your cold jaded eyed  
Now you turn the tide on me  
'Cause you're so unkind  
I will always be here  
For the rest of my life_

I joined Bella in singing along to the music. We most probably looked like idiot's sitting on a bed and getting all into singing a song across from each other. But this was my favorite song. And as cheesy as it may sound, the song spoke to me.

_Here we go  
Does it hurt  
Say goodbye  
to this world  
I will not  
Be undone  
Come to life  
It gets worse _

_All in all  
You're no good  
You don't cry  
Like you should  
I'll be gone  
when you fall  
Your sad life  
Says it all _

_So I'll find what lies beneath  
Your sick twisted smile  
As I lay underneath  
Your cold jaded eyed  
Now you turn the tide on me  
'Cause you're so unkind  
I will always be here  
For the rest of my life _

_Don't carry me under  
God sing for the hopeless  
I'm the one you left behind _

I didn't notice when Bella had lowered the volume on the speakers with the remote on the night stand. I didn't notice when she had stopped singing. And I didn't notice when she sat there staring at me as I sang the song, pouring my heart out and letting it seep into the lyrics.

_So I'll find what lies beneath  
Your sick twisted smile  
As I lay underneath  
Your cold jaded eyed  
Now you turn the tide on me  
'Cause you're so unkind  
I will always be here  
For the rest of my life_

As the song was reaching its end, I opened my eyes and gazed into Bella's eyes. Hers where filled with questions and wonder. I cleared my throat and bit my tongue, holding back the sob that threatened to bubble up and escape my lips. What the fuck is wrong with me? I rammed my eyes shut momentarily and pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. "I'm sorry about that. I just...." I trailed off without thinking, getting lost in my thoughts.

"No Edward, It's okay." She leaned forward and situated herself right beside me. She reached up and brushed my bronze hair away from my eyes, "your voice is beautiful."

I exploded in a round of laughter at this, "excuse me?"

She blushed and spoke softer this time, "you sing amazing, Edward. Your voice is flawless...no one's ever told you that before?"

"Well no, considering the fact that no one's ever heard me sing...besides you now." I breathed, opening my eyes to look at her.

"Well then when someone's that good, they should know...and now you do." Bella smiled up at me with sparkling eyes. I stared down at her and examined her face. My eyes raked over the scar on her eye. Not knowing how she got it was eating at me. My brow furrowed and I knew I had to ask. I knew that I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Bella, if you don't mind me asking...how did you get this scar here?" I asked her cautiously, whilst running one of my fingertips lightly over it. She looked up at me with pain evident in her brown eyes; she bit her bottom lip nervously and took a deep unnecessary breath.

"Forget it; you don't have to answer that. I'm intruding, I'm so-"

"No don't be sorry, Edward. It's not your fault. And it's time that I tell someone besides my family. And to be completely honest, I'd prefer to tell you over anyone else."

She sighed and stared past me at the wall, "three years ago back in Forks, my brother, Logan, and I where walking to a gas station to buy something for our mom. We lived a few minutes away so we thought it would be safe. Logan thought it would have been a good idea to take a short cut through an alley that he'd come across a few days before. So I followed him, but what we weren't expecting was being assaulted by a group of guys...a gang." All color left my face as I stared at her with anxiety running throughout my body. She glanced at me momentarily and continued, "One of the guys wanted me for himself. Logan did everything he could to protect me...but the man pulled out a knife and he...he shoved the blade into my brother's heart. I-I saw it all happen, I cried over my brother's lifeless body and one of the men smashed a glass bottle against my f-face.... I can't...h-he fu-"

Bella now had silent tears running like waterfalls down her cheeks. Without thinking, I pulled her into my arms and let her cry in my chest. I rubbed the back of her hair and rested my chin on her head. "Shh, Bella it's fine now. It's going to be alright, you're safe."

I couldn't help but loathe myself. A _gang _was what attacked her. A gang is what now caused her so much fucking pain. A gang, what I am currently in. I hated myself; I detest myself for being such a monster, for joining a group of other cruel hearted assholes, for allowing myself to be Bella's friend. But I couldn't back out now. Like the gang, once I'm in, I'm in.

She backed away slowly from my chest and wiped at her eyes harshly with her fingertips. She waited until she thought she was calm and collected enough to speak. "I know, thank you, Edward. And I'm sorry for breaking down like that. I thought I could get through the story without crying like a baby, but it seems that I just can't yet."

I tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, and ran my thumb across her cheek mindlessly, "don't apologize for that. It's understandable, Bella."

She sighed and cupped her hands together as I stood up from her bed and stretched. I turned to her to help her up from the bed but she was already standing beside me. "Let's get you home, it's a school night, and it's getting pretty late."

"Alright." I responded slightly dejected. I didn't want to leave this angel's presence just yet. But all fantasies have to end sometime.

I followed her out of her room and found Esme and Carlisle watching a movie in the living room. Esme was cuddled into Carlisle's side and he had an arm draped over her shoulder. "Hey guys, I'm going to go take Edward home now." Bella spoke from behind them on the couch.

"Okay, bye sweetie. It was nice having you here for dinner, you should stop by again sometime." Esme's sweet motherly voice made me smile; I walked around the couch to give her a kiss on the cheek and Carlisle a handshake.

As I head towards the door I grabbed my bag and clothes that I had dumped beside the door and turned around to respond to Esme's remark, "thank you both for everything. Your entire family is so kind, and Esme your cooking is amazing."

I heard her giggle from the sofa and I exited the house, satisfied for ending the night well.

I almost died when Bella and I climbed into her black Audi TT Coupe. It. Was. Gorgeous. I played with everything as I gave Bella directions to my house. The car had a black leather interior, and a blue light behind the black stereo. Holy _shit _that was by far one of the sexiest things I've ever seen.

Unfortunately, we arrived at the front of my house much too soon for my liking. I sighed and turned towards the beautiful creature beside me. "Bella, thank you for everything, I don't know how to ever repay you. You're great."

I could see her gleaming smile fill the darkness in the confines of the TT. "It was my pleasure, Edward. And thank you for listening to me tonight...I needed that."

I gave her a swift nod and leaned in towards her to kiss her cheek. I felt the heat radiate off of her face as my lips pressed lightly to her skin. I smiled softly against her face and leaned away.

Exiting the car, I gave her a small wave that she mercifully returned and pivoted on my heel towards my house.

**Song: What Lies Beneath by Breaking Benjamin :D AMAZING.**

**Hey guys, I'd like to say that I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Also, I'm really sorry for taking so long to update :/ school, homework, and projects are driving me insane. Oh, there's also a series of books that you should all check out, The Mortal Instrument series and they're amazing. I'm currently on the third, City of Glass, and holy crap haha :D**

**Anyways, awwwww to Edward and Bella in this chapter c: they were cute, and ju can tell how close they're already becoming. Jason, of course, how can you not love the guy? He's so cute xD **

***sigh* I'll try to update again soon for you guys! Thank you...and remember REVIEW!!! By now you should all know, no reviews no update :D muhaha. Okay I'm done 8D**

**Review Button :D**

**V**

**V**

**V**

**V**

**V**

**V**

**V**

**V**


	8. put on quite a show

**A/N: Just a heads up guys, there's a few F bombs dropped in this chapter haha. More than usual actually...Edward's feeling somewhat thoughtful and emotional today :) you'll see what I mean.**

**ENJOY!**

The week came to an end much too soon. As oddly as that may sound coming from a person like me, it's outrageously true. These past five days have been ones that will eternally remain at the back of my mind. It was the week when I was actually spoken to by someone other than my usual clique, the week I had allowed my guard to collapse and shrink back inside of me, the week I'd met Bella. Just being in mere presence of such a stunning creature makes me act in a different manner. React to things in a dissimilar way, an open-minded way. I used to believe that when a person would say that someone else had changed them, like literally made them into a completely different and better person, that they were totally wrong. But I was the one who'd been wrong all along. Another person can in truth transform you.

Though you may not notice it, it happens. It's an unconscious act from both individuals and you never even know it ensues until it actually does. As for me, I now believe that I have crossed paths with the one that is destined to change me. That may have sounded corny as fuck, but too fucking bad. I'm not permitting anyone's words besides Jason and now, Bella's to get to me. I can't keep breaking down my defenses. I cannot allow them to slowly carry on deteriorating until there are no barricades remaining. It's awfully difficult for someone to gain my complete faith. The only person that has that privilege is my best friend, my soul brother. He's been there for me my entire life, and there's no one in the world I could ever consider replacing him with, not even Bella.

I sat upright on my bed with my back against the headboard and half of my body covered with a midnight blue comforter. Fiddling with the hem, I pondered my thoughts and deliberated on what I could do for the day to could escape Stephen's wrath. I shrugged and threw my legs over the edge of the bed, all the while strolling into my bathroom.

As I waited for the water to warm, I pressed my palm to my calf and began to gently massage it to somewhat loosen the muscle. My body winced as my hand pressed down a little too hard against a tender part, where it was indented with a fucking boot tip. By the time I was in the shower with the scalding hot water cascading down my body, I was seething just picturing Stephen's vile figure in my mind. I shook my head forcefully as I spilled shampoo along my hands, for these are one of the most peaceful fractions in my daily life.

Stepping down the last few steps on the staircase, I entered the kitchen, rummaging through the small black refrigerator in search for some food. I was so sick and tired of not being able to have a decent meal in my own house, the way I was supposed to, the way most teenagers do. I've barely eaten anything that could be considered nutritional in the past two days. Not finding anything even worth microwaving I gritted my teeth in pure irritation. A sudden shuffling noise caused me to swivel on my heel whilst shutting the refrigerator door closed. "So, little Edward decided to stay for the weekend, huh?" the nauseating voice of my stepfather rang in the space around me.

I took a deep unnecessary breath, and closed my eyes momentarily, pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. "Maybe I am."

His thick scruffy eyebrows rose at my words in astonishment. "Is this talkback I'm hearing from you boy?"

I stood my ground, with my fists clenched at my sides and glared furiously at Stephen. I've had enough of him. I've had enough of his mindless and absurd enjoyments in torturing me, I'm through. Forget respecting my father and shit. If my so called stepfather doesn't find the need to respect me, why should I respect him in return? Motherfucker, I'm done with him.

He dragged his feet towards me until he was positioned just mere inches away from my face. I didn't flinch away or even blink in the slightest. Practically nose to nose, his disgusting breath reeked of alcohol, no surprise there. "What's gotten into you, son?"

My arms where trembling in rage as I stared back at him. "I am not your son. And you, Stephen, are _not_ my father."

A look of what seemed to be humiliation flashed over his expression as his hand flew up from his side to slap me roughly across the face. My head didn't even budge from the impact. These past fourteen months of bottled up anger and sadness seemed to be building for this precise moment. I could feel my throat constricting and the angry tears burning behind my eyelids. Without thinking, my arms swung up and caught Stephen by the front of his filthy t-shirt, bringing him closer to my face. "Listen, you never had the right to be called a father. You where never there, and you sure as hell didn't act like a parent. I only pretended to like you because you married my mother, and she deserved to have someone there for her after dad left. You see, _he,_ I did love, and I did have respect for, until he left us. I detested the fact that you tried to take his place in our family. You could never fill the whole he left behind in my heart and especially not in my mothers before she died. Yes, you where an _addition _to our family, but not a replacement. So get that straight in your fucking head. I loathe you, and everything you are. I can't stand being in your presence and just seeing your lousy face makes me sick. I'm done with you and your twisted ways. So. Fuck. _You_."

His expression remained the same throughout my lengthy harangue. But ten little words threw me over the edge. "Didn't your mother ever teach you to respect your elders?"

I flung him across the kitchen with all of my might. He slammed against the wall beside the stairs and dropped towards the ground with a muddled grunt. I stalked forward and sunk my foot down upon his throat.

"Shut the fuck up. I've heard enough out of you. I'm out of here; I can't stand being in this fucking house." I spat down at him, in a ridiculously calm voice. I hastily removed my foot from his neck and stormed up the stairs, ignoring my body's aching protests. I barged through my room like a hurricane, running and snatching things around wildly, all the while flinging them into the duffel bag already placed upon my bed.

I have to get myself out of this hell.

As soon as I had my shit packed, which was just most of my t-shirts, a couple of jeans, and my toothbrush, I grabbed my jacket and raced down the stairs. Without a backward glance to see if Stephen was where I had left him, I pushed myself forward with heavy footsteps to the entrance of the house and slammed the door furiously on my way out.

***

I've been walking straightaway for miles on end. I checked the time on my phone and saw that it was now five in the afternoon. I haven't eaten all day and it felt like my stomach was eating itself from the inside out. I groaned and sat on the curb of a sidewalk near a highway. When I had fled my house, I didn't think about where I would go or what I was going to do, I was so caught up in the rush of the moment that I overlooked everything. Resentfully, I flipped my phone open and dialed the first person on my speed dial. I hate doing this to him; I'm just a fucking burden on his ass. He may not say so, because I know he has a gentle heart and he doesn't like hurting people's feelings, but I know I'm just weighing him down. He picked up on the third ring. "Hey, Edward, what's up?"

I ran a hand through my hair nervously, "Hey Jay. Um, I hope you don't mind me asking but where are you?"

"At home with Kathy and my mom, why?" I heard the sudden shift in his voice. It was now alert and sharp with concern.

I heard the jingle of keys and the slamming of a door as I responded. "Calm down, Jason. I just wanted to know if you could come...pick me up...?"

"Of course, where are you?"

I glanced up at the numbers on the street light, "on fifteen and Berwyn. Right before the highway."

"Alright, stay put, Ed. I'm on my way."

I sighed in relief and slumped back against the concrete wall behind me. "Thank you, Jason. You're a lifesaver."

"Sure sure, stay there and don't talk to strangers." He laughed into the receiver. Before I could respond with a witty comeback, he had hung up. I shrugged and snapped my phone shut, shoving it into the pocket of my jeans.

What a day. I don't have my parents, and now I'm homeless. Whoop-de-fucking-do. I closed my eyes as I felt the pleasant heat of the sun beating down on my face in this windy day. Today was one those days though, one of those days when I really missed my mother, Elizabeth. Besides the fact that I mentioned her more than once today, I felt the need to envelope her in a hug and know that everything would be all right. I wanted her to pat my cheek and tell me that she loved me.

I didn't realize the moisture on my face until moments after. I quickly wiped the tears away from my cheeks and shook my head roughly, clearing the thoughts away. Thankfully, a red Integra came zooming into view and I instantly bolted to my feet. The pain in my calf had died down somewhat, but it still hurt a whole lot. Jason's car came to a screechy halt right in front of me. I opened the passenger door and halted when I saw a cute bright face grinning widely up at me. Her smile instantly fell as she scrambled out of the car and placed both palm's tightly against my cheeks. "Edward, what's wrong?"

Kathy had a line of worry set between her eyebrows as she stared up at me, squinting against the sun hitting her azure eyes. "Nothing, I'm fine." I responded softly, placing a hand over one of hers. "Now come on, let's not keep Jay waiting."

She looked like she was about to argue but before she could, I picked her up by the arms and playfully tossed her into the backseat. She landed with a thump and glared at me as I pushed the seat back and climbed into the front, throwing my duffle bag down to my feet. "Love you, Kathy."

I gave her an angelic smile from the rearview mirror and saw her smiling back at me warmly, "Love you too."

I kept that smile on my face as I turned my head towards Jason sitting next to me. He had his left hand gripping the top of the steering wheel and the right leaning against the armrest between us. He stared at me with questioning hooded eyes as he slowly turned away and revved the engine, peeling out of his stop. He swiftly plugged his I-pod into the radio's plug and clicked play, allowing the loud music to encompass the confines of the car.

We reached his house in a matter of minutes and all stepped out. I followed after Kathy who was already walking into the house, but was stopped by Jason's hand smacking lightly to my shoulder. "What happened?" he demanded, crossing his arms firmly over his chest.

I glanced down at my feet uneasily, "nothing."

"That was not 'nothing'. Even Kathy noticed something was wrong. Spill, Edward."

I raised my head to meet his gaze boldly, "I left the house. And I am _not_ going back, ever. I can't live like this anymore. I can't live with him. I can't bear it anymore, I told him I'd had enough and I just couldn't remain there any longer, Jason. I can't. It's not the same getting your ass beaten by a gang and getting it beaten by your stepfather."

Jason punched my arm lightly and had a genuine smile plastered onto the silly face of his. "I'm proud of you, Masen. I truly am."

"Thanks." I mumbled, a knot building in the pit of my stomach as I thought of where I could stay.

As if reading my mind, Jason spoke up, "Shit bro, now you can live with us! We're going to play so much X-Box together!" He said capturing me in a headlock and rustling my hair playfully with his hand. I quickly got out of it and gaped at him in incredulity.

"I am not staying with you, Jason."

His face immediately fell considerably. He looked like a lost puppy whose only toy got shredded into tiny pieces. "What?"

"I'm not staying with you." I repeated, trying to hide the misery in my voice.

His face automatically hardened, "and why the fuck is that?"

"Because...because I can't keep doing this to you. I'm tired of always having to ask you for favors. Yes, I am your best friend and all, but it doesn't mean I have to come to you for everything. I have no individuality because I rely on you so much-"

"-Edward, shut the hell up already. You're acting ridiculous and to tell you the truth, you're being a straight up pansy. You're living with me whether you like it or not. You can complain all you want but that's not going to change my mind. Man up, and get over it." He interrupted me while raising a hand to slap the side of my head.

"But Jay-"

"-shut up!" He said melodramatically, throwing his hands up in the air. He mumbled something incoherent and turned on his heel, towards his house.

I sighed and followed after him. Once I stepped past the living room, Jason was already there talking to his mother. "...so yeah, he can stay with us, right?"

"Of course, Jason! It's Edward we're talking about here. The sweetheart's a second son to me." Mrs. Cooper's words where practically tugging at my heartstrings. She saw me enter and beamed at me. "Oh, hello, honey, I heard you will be staying with us until your father returns from his business trip in Europe. So I'm going to go ahead and prepare the guest room for you." She said, walking towards me and placing a kiss on my cheek.

I shook my head, "no that's all right, Mrs. Cooper. You don't need to do that for me. I can sleep on the couch or something."

"Oh don't be silly, Edward. And by the way, I hope you haven't eaten dinner yet because I'm cooking for the others now. It'll be ready in about an hour."

Ugh, this family, they're like my personally made lifesavers. I couldn't deny food right now, I was starving. "Please, I'd love some."

She nodded and skipped away, humming an unfamiliar tune. I glared at Jason and mouthed, "business trip?!"

He shrugged and rolled his eyes, lounging onto the couch. "So, how was last night with Bells?"

I practically choked on air at the randomness of his question, "w-what?"

"You heard me."

I swallowed thickly, "It was fine. We ate dinner and then talked...oh and her cousin, Emmett, wanted to eat me alive."

Jason threw his head back and let out a boisterous laugh. "Of course, he hates us. But that wasn't my initial question. What did you and Bella talk about?"

I scratched the back of my head as I sat down in the reclining chair beside the couch, "Nothing much, just...stuff."

"What stuff though? God, you'd be a horrible girl." He said, rolling his eyes.

I chuckled, "fine. We went to her room and I saw her collection of music, which is amazing by the way, you would die if you saw the CD's she had racked up there. Um, we listened to some Breaking Benjamin and then she told me about how she got the scar above her eye."

Jason's eyes instantly brightened, "she what?"

"She played Breaking Benjamin?"

"No no no, what was the last thing before that? She told you what?" He asked, waving my previous question off with his hand.

"Oh, she told me how she got that scar." I breathed, thinking back on yesterday and the way she described that horrible night in Forks. Grief washed through me like a tidal wave as I thought about the way she cried into my chest, and the breaking of her words.

"Hello, earth to Edward! How did she get the scar?"

I shook my head at him and gave him an apologetic look, "not my story to tell, Jay. You can ask her yourself next time you see her."

"But you totally yelled at me with your weird eye power thing when I asked her in school!"

I snickered and covered my face with my hands as I laughed, "with my what?"

"Shut up, you know when you just glance at me and I know what you're thinking by just looking at you? Well yeah, that ha-ha." He said, glancing at the black television screen, clearly embarrassed.

"You freak."

I received a glare from him in response and positioned my head back against the headrest on the chair beneath me. I sighed, kicking my shoes off and pressing my legs up towards my chest. A surge of exhaustion suddenly coursed through me as I recalled on today's past events. I involuntarily yawned and couldn't fight back the way my eyelids gradually began to droop shut. I gave up trying to overcome the drowsiness as I permitted the darkness to creep up and take me away.

**Hey everyone! I didn't like this chapter, at all. I liked the last one though [which I didn't get the amount of reviews I wanted but its okay -.-]**

**I don't know, this chapter felt so, incomplete. Well, not incomplete really, but more like not good? Haha I don't know. Maybe I didn't like it because Bella wasn't in it. *shrugs***

**I just wanted to take you back to Edward and how is without Bella and junk. And hehe he left Stephan :) Edward's subconsciously changing, all because of Bella, of course. (: Lol I promise the next chapter will be better and hopefully longer too!**

**This week has gone by so slow and I'm so happy it ended. I really want it to be a long weekend, but no we have o go back to school Monday -_- FML. **

**Omg btw, people the show on FOX, Glee, is soo good! Ugh I love it, you should all watch it :D haha I kept replaying the soundtrack as I wrote this lol. **

**Sorry for the rambling guys. Anyways, I hope you're enjoying this so far and thank you for reading! **

**REVIEW! No reviews, no update, you guys know the drill xD**

**So, again, thank you. AND REVIEW PLEASE! IT MAKES ME UPDATE FASTER! c:  
**

**Lori  
**


	9. i'm already gone

At last, it was Monday.

The weekend had whizzed by ridiculously quick. It was one of the greatest weekends I'd ever had. I hung out at Jason's with him and Kathy playing X-Box for hours on end; we never got a call from Keith and the gang to meet up somewhere so we where free to do whatever we wanted. Though I didn't want to weekend to come to an end, at the same time I did. I did because I couldn't wait to see Bella again.

A shy smile crept onto my face as I slipped on my black Van's. I threw on my jacket that hung off of the bed post and stepped out of the guest room. I strolled down the hallway that lead to the kitchen and saw Kathy slouched on a stool with her back to me.

I quieted my footsteps and extended my arms out to her. Sneaking up on her, I grabbed at her tiny waist and let out a low scream. She shrieked in response and toppled sideways off of the stool. Before she could make contact with the ground, I caught her and placed her on her feet. She spun unexpectedly, and continuously slapped at my arms and chest. "Edward, you freaking asshole! You scared the crap out of me, you retard!" she glowered, tears pooling in her angry azure eyes.

"Kathy, it was a joke. Aw, don't cry it was just me." I reassured her, pulling her to me in a tight hug. I squished her tiny frame against mine until I felt that she was calm enough to be let go.

When I did let go, she turned away from me and stalked towards the living room. I rolled my eyes and followed after her. Women.

She sat on the couch with her knees tucked under her chin and her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. When she saw me appear at the entryway she turned her head away from me, allowing her blonde hair to conceal her face. I lightly plopped down on the cushion beside her. I wrapped my arms around her tiny body as she struggled to get my arms removed from around her. She gave up as she noticed that her strength was no where in comparison to mine.

I lay my head over hers and sighed. "I was just playing, Kathy. What's wrong? You didn't need to get so upset."

She shrugged and removed her arms from around her legs to wipe at her tear streaked face. "Kathy, look at me." I said, shifting her in my arms so that she was now facing me. "What's wrong?"

She sighed and slumped her shoulders, looking up at me from behind her damp eyelashes, "nothing."

"Katherine, tell me what's bothering you. You're never like this. And don't lie to me, I know you too well." I said in a serious voice.

She bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath from her nose. "First, I don't like being snuck up on. And second, I was...thinking about stuff and then you just come in and interrupt me...not to mention that you scared the crap out of me."

I shook my head. "You know I'm always doing something like that to you, but I'm sorry that I scared you. And what where you thinking about that had you so caught up?"

At my words, a fierce blush covered her entire face as she gazed up at me with wide eyes. Her expression reminded me of Bella's but Kathy's was even more innocent. "You don't need to know that." She mumbled in reply. I raised a questioning eyebrow at her, waiting for her to continue.

She let out a huff of air as her body deflated into the couch cushions and partly into my side. "Fine, I'll tell you. But please, promise that you won't go crazy on me."

"I can't keep that promise. It depends on what you're going to tell me."

She waved her hand at me to be quiet, "ugh fine, whatever, I'll tell you...so, um there's this guy-"

Without thinking, I interrupted her as my protective instincts kicked in. "_What_?! You're not supposed to be thinking about a boy and your age! You're like twelve!"

"What the hell, Edward, chill your Kool-Aid. I'm old enough to have...feelings for guys, you know. And for your information, I'm fourteen not twelve!"

"That's still way too young." I said in a tight voice.

She rolled her eyes at me and flipped her hair, "no it's not. Get over it. And I'm not telling you anything else if you keep reacting this way."

I clenched my jaw in rage. My little Kathy likes a boy. How fucking horrible. She can't have feelings for someone, that's just...no, it's impossible. I don't like this; I prohibit her to have a boyfriend until she's about thirty. Yeah, thirty sounds about right....wait, I'm not her blood brother and I can't tell her what to do. Fuck my life. But Jason will side with me, I know he will. "Fine, continue on about this _boy_ you like oh so much." I scoffed.

"I never said I liked him...and gladly." She grinned, "Okay, well I met him at the diner down by the hardware store when I was with Haley. He was there with a group of his friends and when he saw me, I don't know I just felt something....as if I was meant to be there, and meet him. I don't know, but it was great. He even came up to me and started talking to me...and heaskedmeoutfortonight." She rushed through the last couple of words, so I couldn't catch them.

"Excuse me? What was that last part?"

She averted my gaze and fiddled with the tips of her hair, "that um...he asked me out for tonight." She mumbled, but this time I caught every word.

I took many deep breaths before I could respond. I was practically seeing red. "And you said?"

"I-I said yes..." She trailed off, staring at me warily.

My eyes bulged and practically popped out of their sockets. "You said what?! Why would you agree to go on a date with a guy you just met?! I haven't even met him yet...and neither has Jason for that matter since you haven't even told him about the little fucker!" I cracked my knuckles menacingly as I mulled over the things I could do to scare that fucker away.

"Edward, calm down." Kathy said softly, grabbing my hands in both of hers. "I'm really excited for tonight, so please, if you love me then you won't ruin this for me. If all goes well tonight, I think there can actually be something between him and I."

Shit. My little sister's going on her first date tonight. I couldn't help it when the grief washed through me and positioned itself on my face, causing a chuckle from Kathy.

"Why do you look so sad, Edward? It's no big deal."

I gaped at her, "no big deal?! You're going on your first date tonight...you're growing up way too fast."

"That's sweet, big brother, but I'm really excited. So please, for my sake, be civil tonight when you meet him. Please, don't ruin this for me...and can you tell Jason for me? I don't want to die just yet."

I nodded, still quite depressed. "Yeah, I'll tell him on our way to school." I sighed, getting up from the couch. The rest of the morning passed by in a blur. When it was finally time to leave for school, Jason emerged from his room and walked out of the house with me following. In the few minute ride to school, I explained to him about Kathy's...situation. And it took almost all of his willpower to not pop a U-turn and speed back home to confront Kathy. But at least he took it better than I had. He was just angry that she hadn't told him about it sooner. He was entirely all right with the fact that she was growing up _and_ going on her first date that night. How absurd.

When we reached the school, we headed towards The Cold One's table, and we caught up with the guys. I informed them on everything that had happened in the past few days....well except for everything that had to do with Bella. Keith stated that Jason and I had been distant from the rest of them lately, and that we hadn't been meeting up with them like usual at the diner. So we reluctantly guaranteed to meet with them more often.

When the bell had finally rung, I walked with Jason down the halls until we reached our different classes. We bumped fists and I made my way towards Biology. I arrived to class about two minutes before the late bell and sat in my usual seat. I allowed my eyes to roam around the room and land on the door. In second's time, it swung open and there appeared the most amazing woman I'd ever met. Bella walked in with her bag slung over one shoulder and thumping against her opposite leg with every step she took. She wore dark wash jeans that hugged her legs miraculously, and had her arms tucked into the pockets of her snuggly black hoodie. Ugh, I want to hug her, I laughed to myself.

When she caught me ogling, a breathtaking smile broke across her flawless face and I couldn't help but return the smile. My crooked grin flashed brightly as she somewhat skipped towards her seat beside me. As she bent forward to place her bag on the floor between us, she also leaned into me, placing her warm lips to my cheek. "Hi, Edward."

"Hey, Bella. How are you?" I asked softly, gazing at her as she situated herself and then turned her body towards me.

"I'm good; my weekend was dreadfully long and boring though. I couldn't wait for today." She grinned, bouncing slightly in her seat. "And how was your weekend?"

I played with the hem on my long sleeve shirt as I responded, "well, for me it went by extremely quick. But I couldn't wait for today either...for some reason, I love being in school now." I said kindly whilst beaming down at her. "Oh and the fact that Kathy's going on her first date today is just...fabulous." I said sarcastically, the irritation bubbling up in my chest.

Bella tilted her head to the side questioningly, "who's Kathy?"

"My li-I mean _Jason's_ little sister. She's fourteen years old and she's going on a date tonight!...and on a Monday, who goes out on a Monday?" I rambled, running an anxious hand through my hair.

Bella placed a small hand over my sleeved forearm. I looked down at her when she did so and instantly calmed when I saw her soft and caring expression. "Edward, calm down. You're clearly very protective of her, as if she was your own sister, but she's fourteen, let her have a life."

"But she's Kathy! I can't just give her up to some boy I've never met." I whined, dropping my head with a thump onto the cool marble of the table in front of me.

Bella's laughter was like wind chimes, a sound of beauty and marvel. "If this is you reacting to your sister going on a date, then I can just imagine you when your own daughter tells you she has a boyfriend."

Many different emotions flashed through me all at once, "I'll kill the kid that even steps one foot near my daughter."

Bella sighed and shook her head in incredulity. I laughed at her reaction and lifted my head off of the table to face the front of the room. Right on time, Banner explained today's lesson and gave us our assignments. "So remember kids, the report is due next class, finish as much as you can today. And whatever you don't complete, you'll most probably have to exchange numbers and go to each others houses."

A chorus of complaints erupted out of nowhere but Bella and I remained quiet. She glanced towards me and smiled. "Want to work on it at your house?"

My brow furrowed in worry. I can't tell her that I moved out of my step father's house...but I can tell her that he's out of town, right? I don't think Jason would mind me bringing Bella over tonight.

"My dad's out of town for a while on a business trip, so I'm staying over at Jason's. I don't think he'd mind if I brought you over, is that all right with you though?"

She nodded enthusiastically, "Yes, that's perfectly fine." We quickly exchanged numbers so that I could text her the address after school.

The rest of the day seemed to pass by as if in slow motion. I was looking forward to after school a little too much that I crashed into open lockers numerous of times. I hastily apologized to the owners as I rushed away all the while rubbing at my reddened forehead. I also thankfully found Jason before lunch and asked him if he was cool with Bella going over his house tonight, and of course the guy never let's me down.

When school finally came to an end, I made my way as quickly as possible to Jason's Integra and sent Bella his address. He met me at the car soon after and we where off to the house.

***

It was now a little past six pm as I sat on the couch with my right leg shaking nervously. I kept running my hands through my hair, anticipating Bella's arrival. "Ed, chill the fuck out. You're acting as if you've never met her before. You're just going to work on a report...and you've already seen her out of school, so I don't know why you're fretting so damn much."

"Ugh, I don't know either." I said, taking a deep breath to placate myself.

Right then, the door bell rang. I stumbled towards the door and threw it open. There stood Bella looking as beautiful as ever. She had removed her black hoodie, and now had on a midnight blue cashmere sweater that hugged her curves perfectly. I almost drooled. "Hey Bella, come in."

I stepped aside and let her enter the house. As she passed me I caught a whiff of strawberry radiating of her. Ahh, amazing. She suddenly turned towards me, but her expression was altered. It was guilty and slightly uncomfortable. "Um, Edward...I kind of got bored at home and accidentally did the entire report by myself...but I didn't want to stay home so I kind of came over anyway...I can leave if you want..."

I was doubled over in laughter by the time she finished. "You sure do surprise me, Miss Swan. And of course you're not going to leave...now we don't have to do any work. We can do something else, that's not school related."

She beamed up at me with her bright chocolate orbs. "Great."

I nodded and led her towards the living room where Jason and recently arrived Kathy sat watching TV. When they heard us enter, the both stood up from the couch and faced Bella. "Bells!" Jason greeted stridently, stepping up to her and placing a chaste kiss onto her forehead. "This is my little sister, Kathers." He said motioning towards Kathy.

She glared at her brother and then turned towards Bella, smiling widely. "It's Katherine, but you can call me Kathy....so you're the famous Bella?"

Oh, that evil child.

"I don't know about famous, but yes, I am Bella." She chuckled nervously. "Also, I hear that you're going on your first date today. Mind if I help you get ready?"

Kathy blushed fiercely and stuttered out a reply. "U-uh yeah, I'd like t-that."

"All right then. I'm not as good as my cousin in the beauty department but I think I've picked up a few things from her throughout the years." She smiled.

"Do you mind if we start now? Cause my date's kind of coming in about an hour." Kathy said quietly.

Bella's eyes widened, "an hour?! Crap we better start, now. Lead me to your room."

At that, the girls disappeared into the hallway and into Kathy's room.

I sighed and plummeted onto the couch beside my best friend. As he watched TV, I closed my eyes and threw my head back against the cushions, deciding to take a short nap as Bella prepared Kathy for her _date_.

_Stephen stood there in the shadows of a green and brown covered forest with his left hand curled around a hunting knife. His expression was twisted and taunting as he leisurely took small steps back as light began to creep up the sky and illuminate a single spot behind him. He stepped aside and gave me a clear view of what was being elucidated. Bella lay in a heap at his feet; she had bloody scratches along her arms and a few on the side of her neck._

_I could hear her low whimpers and pleads of protests as he bent his body down towards her. He seized her by the hair and tugged her face up to look into his eyes. Without prior notice, Stephen slammed Bella's face onto his and roughly made her lips move against his. He shoved his tongue into her mouth forcefully as her feeble fists pounded against his chest in attempt to get him away from her. _

_I roared in fury as I tried to move my feet forward and discontinue the repulsion before me. But it felt as if my feet where frozen in place. My body wouldn't move an inch. All I could control was my voice, eyes and thoughts. "No, Stephen! You motherfucker, no! STOP IT!"_

_He removed his vile face from Bella's and turned his head towards me in a sneer. "Oh, you want me to stop now don't you, Edward? Okay, I'll stop. I'll just end it all.." _

_As those words escaped his teeth, he seized Bella once again, but this time by the nape of her neck and lifted her in the air with just one arm. "I'll end it, Edward....just how you want me to."_

_Stephen's left hand went flying up towards Bella's body. In that instant, he sunk the knife deep into her stomach and dropped her to the floor. _

"_No, Bella, no!" I cried in anguish at her fading silhouette._

"....No, Stephen! STOP!" I shot up off of the couch with sweaty palms. I glanced around wildly and saw Jason standing beside me with worry etched upon his face.

"Ed, are you okay? It was just a dream bro, don't worry. It's going to be fine." He placed a hand on my shoulder, trying to soothe me. I held my breath as I fell back onto to couch. I cradled my head in my hands and pressed my fingertips tightly to my temples.

"I know. I'm fine. Sorry about that." I apologized in a defeated voice.

"Want to talk about it?"

I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose. "No, I don't. Are the girls done yet?"

"Yes, actually we are." Bella's smooth voice interjected. With one glance at my face, she was by my side. "Edward, what happened?"

"Nothing, I fell asleep and had a bad dream." I replied curtly.

The worry never left her eyes as she nodded and turned away, heading back towards the hallway. She stood at the entrance of the living room, and began to speak once again. "Boys, I hereby present to you, Katherine Cooper."

The fourteen year old girl that appeared beside Bella could no longer be called a little girl. She was a young lady. And she looked beautiful.

Kathy's curled golden hair was tied back in a half pony tail away from her fresh smoky-eyed complexion. She wore a black halter dress that tightened at her middle and fell loose by her thighs in gentle waves, with small black ballerina shoes, or whatever they were called, placed on her feet.

Her full attire was marvelous except the top of her dress. It had a plunging neckline. Jason and me shared a subjective glance and at the same moment spoke up in disapproving voices. "Go change."

Kathy's face was heartbreaking at our words. "I look...bad?"

Jason immediately stepped forward and placed one of his hands against his little sister's face. "No no, of course not, Kathers. You look beautiful...it's just the neckline...too much boobage exposure for your first date."

Katherine blushed fiercely as Bella winked at her. "That means don't change. You're staying like that and Landon's going to love it."

Now it was my turn to interpose. "Landon?"

Kathy shrugged, "Yeah, that's his name." As she was saying this, the door bell rang and she skipped to go answer it. We all followed after her in curiosity as she swung the door open in excitement.

Standing at the doorstep with a bouquet of red roses, and dressed in black slacks and a red dress shirt, was Landon. Landon _Sinclair_.

**Finished this chapter :) Landonnnn! He's so cute haha. Well, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I kind of did. Kathy on her first date, and Edward beings all GRRR NO! ^.^ adorable. Lol**

**Poor Edward, and his dream *sigh***

**Hmm...what else....oh yeah, it's a long weekend, and yesterday I saw Where The Wild Things Are. And it was amazing! Go watch it, people. Ugh, I loved it, it was so perfect (: oh, and tomorrow I'm going to probably go watch Paranormal Activity 0.0 haha**

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! REVIEW AND LEAVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS! Let's pass six!**

**Thank you**

**Lori**


	10. find air to breathe again

**A/N: I'm sorry if I'm reposting for some of you, again. My computer's always acting up whenever I'm trying to update this story. Gateway doesn't like it very much haha xD**

**So again, I apologize; I know it must be annoying haha.**

**Thank you though, and enjoy :) psst *whispers* review when you finish (: ahaa**

Hell to the _fuck_ no. Over my fucking dead body.

For an immeasurable moment Jason and I openly gaped at Landon, and vice versa. Confusion ran across his face before the unease and anxiety decided to creep up and settle in. He stared at us as he fiddled with the bouquet of roses in his hands. After what felt like forever, he took a deep breath and spoke. Well, more like stuttered. "W-What are you guys d-doing here?"

Before Jason or I even thought to respond, I seized Kathy by the wrist and wrenched her backwards behind my body. Her meek little protests where nothing to me at the moment as I heard her shriek and pound against my back with her fists. Instead of paying attention to her, Jason and I stood at the door with our arms crossed tightly over our chests and glaring daggers. I felt a twinge of guilt reacting so brusquely to Landon. But I couldn't let the way I felt for the kid interrupt me. He's planning on taking out my little sister, and that isn't cool with me.

"I'm her fucking brother." Jason seethed in response to Landon's earlier inquiry. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Landon looked like he was shitting bricks. "I-I'm taking her out tonight."

I raised an eyebrow curiously at his courageous response. But that's not letting him off of the hook. "And what makes you think we're just going to let you take Kathy out?"

Landon opened his mouth as if to speak but no sound came out so he instantaneously snapped it shut. I suddenly felt a jabbing sting in my back, near my ribs, and hissed in pain. I spun on my heel and glanced down just to see Kathy standing there with a furious expression and a fist level to her shoulder in the air. "Kat, what the hell?"

"Move out of my way." She snapped, trying to push me out of her path.

But I wouldn't budge. "No. You are not going out with him. And that's final."

I felt a tug on my shirt and was practically dragged a few feet away from the door. "What the fu-"

I instantly allowed my voice to cut off as my eyes met with a pair of all too familiar brown ones. I leaned away from her grip on my shirt until she let go. A scuttle of words stormed passed her lips as her face got more livid by the second. "Edward, what the hell are you doing?! It's just, Landon. He's such a sweetheart... Wipe that expression off of your face; you and Jason look like you want to eat him! Let Kathy have a damn life for Christ's sake. You know how excited she is for tonight, don't you dare ruin this for her."

I couldn't help the rush of remorse that coursed through me then. Bella was absolutely correct. Jason and I are acting ridiculous. Besides the fact that Landon's in the gang, he's still such a good and responsible kid. I hope we're doing the right thing here. I sighed and with one last nod at Bella, turned back towards Jason, Kathy and Landon. "Jay, back off. Bella's right...I really hate to admit this, but if anyone's going to be taking Kathy out tonight, I'm glad it's Landon. Because I seriously would have murdered any other kid's ass the moment he opened his mouth."

Kathy appeared as if she wanted to punch someone in the face. Her ashen skin was flushed and her eyes where filled with anger and confusion. Unlike Jason who seemed to thaw out considerably at my words. He shut his eyes momentarily and when he reopened them, they where questioning and staring directly at Landon. "Alright Landon, if I'm going to allow you to take my little sister out tonight, you better get your ass inside the house and go wait for Edward and I in the living room. Kathy and Bells will lead the way."

Bella walked in front of a still very puzzled looking Kathy and Landon. When they where out of hearing range Jason turned towards me. "Are you sure about this, Edward?"

I nodded, "yes, I am. Landon's a really good kid. We shouldn't have reacted so harshly towards him. We can trust him to take care of Kathy tonight...and any other night they want to go out."

A look of uncertainty flashed over Jason's features as he mulled over my words. "I guess you're right. Let's go talk to him then, and try to cool off Kathy."

A low chuckle bubbled up in my chest as we walked towards the living room. But something vibrated in my pocket causing me to stop near the entrance. I reached into my pocket and fished out my phone. Flipping it open, I read my received text message.

_Meet the gang under the bridge. Be there promptly at eight o'clock. Tell Jason. –Keith_

Fuck. I pinched the bridge of my nose and decided to tell him after Kathy and Landon left for their date. I guess Landon won't be joining us today then. I can't say I'm disappointed because then I'd be lying. That kid really needed to get out of this mess.

When I walked into the living room, I sat next to Bella on the arm of the love seat, while Jason sat between Kathy and Landon on the long sofa. I saw Kathy finally take a deep breath and glance at me. "How the hell do you all know each other?!"

Oh, I guess we forgot to mention that. "We all go to school together. He's a freshman at Lincoln Park...he hangs out with us sometimes." I shrugged.

Kathy groaned and threw her head into her hands. "Ugh I can't believe this...but whatever. We're leaving now, and you guys better not try and stop us."

My best friend and I stood up at precisely the same moment. "We won't, let me just say something real quick." Jason said in a serious voice.

He turned towards Landon and faced him. "Sinclair, you have her home by nine, do you understand me? You treat her with respect and you better not try to pull any little moves on her...because if you do, I will find out. And when I find out, I'll hunt you down and murder your ass. Am I making myself clear?"

Landon gulped and eyed Jason warily. "Perfectly clear, Jason...thank you though, for letting me take her out. I'll have her home before nine if it makes you feel any better."

"Nah, that's not necessary. Just take care of my baby sister."

Landon nodded, "without a problem...I don't want to rush anyone but our reservation's are in about half hour and we kind of have to get going."

"How are you going to get to a restaurant without a car? Wait, how did you even get here?"

Landon smiled cheekily, "my uncle's waiting outside with his beamer."

Without further ado, Landon and Kathy both bid their farewells and headed out the door. But before Kathy could step out of the house, I pulled her back a few feet. "Kathy, listen to me when I'm telling you this. Stay safe, alright? Don't do anything dangerous or stupid and don't go wandering around at night, please. You're way too important to me and I can't see you hurt. I trust that Landon will take care of you."

"I will and I love you." Kathy responded sincerely, wrapping her tiny arms around my waist. "Thank you, Edward."

"No problem, kid." I smiled down at her and kissed the crown of her head before she escaped after Landon out the door.

Right as the front door clicked shut, Jason, Bella and I where all lying in heaps on the couch, as if we'd just ran an hour long marathon. "Crap that was harder than I thought it would be! Who knew that Kathers' Landon was _our_ Landon..." Jason trailed off mindlessly.

I huffed in response and felt something tickling my neck. I glanced down saw that Bella's head was resting on my shoulder and her hair was what was prickling at my collar. Without thinking, I lowered my head and rested it on top of hers, all the while taking in her marvelous freesia scent. I sighed and decided it was time to tell Jason that we needed to be heading out soon. I'm not going to bother saying it in covert since Bella already knows that we're all a gang. "Jay, we have to head out and meet the gang under the bridge at eight. We're going to have to leave in about half hour or so."

I felt Bella stiffen beside me and she lifted her head from underneath mine, turning away to glance out the window.

"Sure sure. Did Keith say who we where up against?" Jason asked indolently.

I shook my head, still staring at Bella. "No, he didn't. He just said to meet under the bridge."

"Aight then." I ignored his last remark as I continued to stare at Bella. What did I do? What did I say wrong?

Before I could question her on it, Jason spoke in one breath. "Well, I'm going to go shower. You two crazy kids have fun." He winked at me.

I rolled my eyes and once he was gone, I turned back towards the beauty next to me. "Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, placing my right hand gently against her lower back. She flinched at my touch and turned her head around to face me. Her eyes where troubled, and her expression was heartbreaking. "Bella?"

"I don't want you to go fight today." She replied sadly, lowering her head to gaze down at her intertwined hands that lay in her lap.

I sat there in shock. She doesn't want me to go fight? Well that sure was an unexpected answer. What's coming over her, why doesn't she want me to go? "Why not? What's wrong?"

Bella looked up at me from her lap and her beautiful eyes where pooling with tears, "you can get hurt."

Oh, shit. Leaning back against the cushions, I grabbed her in my arms and pulled her against my body. She laid her head on my chest and I could feel her sharp breaths against the opening in the front of my t-shirt. "I'll be fine, I promise. I'm not going to get hurt."

"You don't know that." She whispered, her voice cracking on the last word.

I ran a hand over her magnificent silky hair. "Yes I do, Bella. I promise you I will be perfectly fine. I've never been badly hurt before."

"So you call what happened to you last week, not being 'badly hurt'?" she asked, her voice raising an octave.

I shrugged, "that was nothing. I just got those scratches and a couple of bruises. No big deal."

"That was not all!" she shrieked, shooting up off of my chest to face me, "did you see what happened to your calf?! You could barely walk, Edward!"

Fuck, I forgot about that. That wasn't even with the gang so I unconsciously forgot to mention that. "Well, yeah that to. But look, I'm fine now, I'm alive. And that's what matters. Who cares if I get a little beat up?" I shrugged, trying to play it all off.

A single tear finally fell from her pooling eyes, "I care."

And my heart shattered.

I cupped her face in both of my hands and wiped away the tear with my thumb. "Bella, I'll be fine. I _have_ to go...I'm so sorry, but I can't just not show up."

"Why? Why can't you?" she asked despairingly. The pain in her voice was slicing at my insides, killing me from the inside out.

I sighed, "I can't just leave the gang. Things don't work that way with us. It doesn't fly well with Keith. If one of us wants to leave...we can't. We can't no matter how much we want to or even need to leave, he doesn't allow it. Once you're in, you're in."

"But that's not fair."

I bit my lip and pulled her in a tight embrace, "didn't anyone ever tell you, Bella? Life's not fair."

I could feel her trembling against me, the sobs wracking viciously through her body. Why am I always the foundation of her sorrow? Why me? Why couldn't I have just followed my better judgment and ignored her from the beginning? Why am I such selfish being? Oh yeah, because I'm a fucking idiot.

"I-I should be leaving then. It's getting late, and you guys need to...go." She whispered.

"I don't want you to go..." I spoke from the heart. "But you have to, I suppose."

She nodded her head against me and released the vice grip she had around my torso. I helped her up from the couch and walked her to the door. She opened the door with a shaky hand and turned towards me once again. "Edward, please promise me that no matter what time you get in tonight, that you'll text me when you get home...just that I know that you and Jason are okay, and well, alive. Will you?"

I placed a palm to her flushed warm cheek, "I promise, Bella. I promise." I leaned in a pressed my lips softly to her forehead, relishing the moment; I closed my eyes and finally leaned away. "Drive safe."

"I will and thank you. Don't forget to text me!" She hollered behind her back as she walked towards her TT.

"I won't." I whispered in reply, but more so to myself than to her. Fuck, where am I going with all of this?

***

As I waited for Jason to finish up in the bathroom so that we could leave, I pondered over everything that's ensued on this abnormal day. Kathy going on her first date with Landon Sinclair, Bella freaking out because I was going to go fight, don't get me wrong, it literally made me want to curl in on myself and cry because now I know that some part of her actually cares for me and for what happens to me. But I can't help to not loathe it all the while. She shouldn't be fretting over what happens to me, she shouldn't want to be my friend, she shouldn't _care_. But she does, and that just makes my heart want to explode with bliss.

My head was racing as I continued going over everything that happened today. I flinched as my mind reached the nightmare that I had, starring Stephen and Bella. My hands clenched into tight fists as my thoughts wrapped themselves around the dream. What the hell could that have meant? Why would Stephen stab such a striking individual? No, fuck, no. He's never going to even see her; he's never going to come within mere feet of her. _Never_.

A shuffling sound emanating from the hallway broke me away from my thoughts. In the entryway appeared Jason with a fresh t-shirt under his jacket, and damp blonde hair. "You ready to go, Ed? Where's Bella?" he asked, glancing around the living room.

I stood up and stretched, "yeah we can go, and she left about ten minutes ago."

At that, I grabbed my jacket, flinging it on with a whip of my arms and we where off to meet with our fellow Cold Ones.

When we reached our destination, we parked a few spaces away from the bridge and saw that they where all there, besides Landon, of course. Keith stood there with his arms crossed, waiting upon his left and right hand men's arrival. Jason and I immediately climbed out of the Integra and jogged towards the guys. "Where's Sinclair?"

Jason and I shared a subjective glanced, as we thought up a witty response to not get Landon in trouble the next time he saw Keith. "He had to stay home with his father. They where having some problems that they needed to sort out. He wanted us to tell you he was sorry though that he couldn't make it."

"He couldn't have told me himself?" Keith barked. "Fucking punk ass kid."

I felt the urge to pummel Keith and knock those pretty little pearly white's out of his repulsive mouth. Sometimes the guy could be as cruel as or even worse than Stephen. "He'll probably apologize in person when he sees you, Keith. Don't worry about him." I responded in an icy voice.

Keith raised an eyebrow at me but let it go. "Alright, in the cars, now!"

Like puppies, we obeyed our master's orders and prepared ourselves for the night.

***

What a fucking night. This was the most difficult fight I'd ever been in. The other gang was outrageously well trained and they had a really fast thought process. We could all tell because the way they all moved, with such certitude and swiftness, was plainly jaw dropping. They got a few very good hits but we came in victory, as usual.

The guy I was up against was huge, bigger than Emmett if that where possible. I had him good by the beginning, but it seemed he'd gotten fed up by the end because he whipped out a knife and began slashing at me. The knife tore at my upper body multiple times, tearing through my shirt, and breaking the skin on my chest. But I instantly, recovered from the shock and plummeted over his body, breaking the wrist that held the knife. I miraculously won the fight.

Now I sat in the passenger seat of the Integra with my torn up shirt pressed tightly against the gaping wounds on my chest. "Edward, those need stitches. I know they do. They're really deep and they _still_ haven't stopped bleeding." Jason worried next to me, driving away from our battle spot.

"I'm fine." I waved off, grabbing my phone from the glove compartment and keeping my promise.

_I'm alive, Bella. _I clicked send and gripped the phone tightly in my unoccupied hand. A sudden wave of courage ran through me. "Jason, take me to Bella's real quick."

"What? No, it's almost eleven and it's a school night. She's probably sleeping." He huffed in reply.

I sighed, "Jason just do it, please."

He gave me a curious sideways glance but popped a U-turn nonetheless. My phone vibrated in my hand, alerting me that I had a new message as we neared Bella's neighborhood. I opened my phone and read the message.

_Are you sure? :/ _ I closed my phone without replying as we neared her house. I removed my shirt from my wounds carefully, and zipped my jacket up all the way so that Bella wouldn't see my chest.

Jason idled in the driveway as I got out of the car. My chest stung painfully as the leather on my jacket tightened over my body as I clambered out of the car. I opened my phone and finally replied to her previous message.

_Come outside quietly. Don't wake up the house._

I stood by the entrance and waited for her to exit. As soon as I'd hit send I could hear her light footsteps nearing me from the other side of the door. The door whizzed open and she stepped out, closing it behind her. "Yes, I'm sure I'm alive, Bella." I chuckled, replying to her text with my voice.

She let out a shaky sigh and leaned into me, placing her head on my injured chest. I hissed as the leather made more contact with my lacerations. She instantly backed away and looked up at me with concerned chocolate eyes, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing." I wheezed.

She glanced down at her feet uncomfortably and as she was looking back up, her eyes stopped near the hem of my jacket. I followed her eyes and saw blood dripping from the exposed skin there. Shit. "Edward!"

Before I could stop her, her hands flew up to the zipper of my jacket and she tugged it all the way down, revealing my bloodied chest. She stumbled back a few feet and had a hand covering her mouth. "Holy shit..." That's the first time I'd heard her curse. I'm already a bad influence. "Edward, those need stitches. Come inside."

I backed away and stepped off of the front porch, into the chill night. "No, Carlisle's probably sleeping. I don't want you waking him up for me...I've already come to him once. I'm not doing it again. Absolutely not."

Bella stepped after me; it had begun to drizzle so I zipped my jacket up yet again. "Why the hell not? He won't mind, I swear. Edward, please those need stitches."

I felt like ripping my hair out in aggravation. "Bella, no. I will not, I can stitch them up myself, I've done it before. It's nothing new for me. Go inside, you're going to get sick."

"No, you don't have to do that. He can help you!" she protested.

By now it was pouring, hard, and I was gradually losing my temper. "No. I came by to show you I was alive, as a joke. Now I'm leaving, I'll see you tomorrow."

I swiveled on my heel to walk away but I felt warm fingers curl around my hand halting me in place. "Bella, let go of me." I said through a clenched jaw, I really didn't want to result in yelling at her, but this was driving me over the edge.

"Edward, plea-"

That did it. I wrenched my hand out of her grip and couldn't control what escaped my cold and vile lips. "Stop! Just stop, leave me alone. I don't need help, I can do things myself! I've been doing things by myself for more than a year, and I don't need to be anyone's charity case now!" I exploded, spit and rain sputtering out of my lips as I trudged towards the car. As I flung the door open and threw myself into the passenger seat, I glanced one last time towards her house. Bella hadn't moved. She stood there with one arm extended in the air, with pain and hurt evident on her tear streaked face. The rain made her hair stick to the sides of her face.

A spasm of regret and guilt stabbed through me excruciatingly. What have I done?

**Done with this chapter! I hope you all enjoyed it. Uh-oh Edward lost his temper with Bella 0.0 **

**Some parts where sweet, but then it all went downhill :( poor Edward...and Bella. Hehe Landon's so cute c:**

**In other newssss, I saw Paranormal Activity last weekend and holy shit it was good! I keep waking up at two in the morning now though. How freaking weird. Go watch it guys! I really liked it :D**

**Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I wasn't planning on posting this today but I was like ehh why not, let me be nice to my readers :)**

**REVIEW if you liked it, and leave me your thoughts! Let's pass seven this time!**

**Thank you, and remember to REVIEW if you want more. **

**Lori**


	11. into the nothing

After waiting impatiently for Jason to quietly open his house door, I stormed passed him and into the guest bathroom. As I was locking the door, I heard three swift raps on its opposite side. "Ed, are you okay? What happened with, Bells? And let me help stitch up your chest. You know I'm better than you at that."

I pressed my forehead against the door in attempt to control the irritability still coursing its way through my every blood vessel. "No, Jay, its okay...I can do it myself."

I could clearly hear his heavy breathing from the separation between us. "Edward Masen, just open the fucking door. Stop being so damn dramatic."

I gritted my teeth in frustration as my right hand involuntarily reached up and unlocked the door. Opening it slowly, I leaned away and propped myself up onto the counter alongside the sink. Walking in with a first-aid kit in hand, Jason kicked the door shut and turned towards me. He eyed me inquiringly before gesturing with his free hand to remove my jacket. I obligingly did as I was told and tossed my leather jacket onto the tile near my feet. As he removed all the necessitated materials from the fist-aid kit and placed them beside my ass on the counter, I kept my eyes glued to the wall at the end of the bathroom. Why the fuck am I so stupid? My thoughts where racing as I mentally kicked myself for what I had said to Bella. But at the same time, I didn't entirely hold myself responsible. I clearly told her that I could do this myself, but she just kept on insisting, and out of mere infuriation, I blew my top. But then again, here I am, with Jason about to stitch up my chest. I'm such a hypocrite.

I didn't speak as Jason reached up with a cotton swab and disinfected my wounds. Feeling the cool sting of the disinfectant, my back arched and my chest sank inward. Jason's hand halted around the middle of my chest, near my sternum, as he glanced up at me with exasperation etched upon his face. "Stop moving."

I clenched my jaw and bit my lip to sustain myself from snapping at my best friend. All too soon, I felt the pinch of needle and the tug of my skin against the nylon string. I glanced down at my chest, at Jason's handy work, and watched his still hands maneuvering ephemerally across my chest. He's going to make one hell of a surgeon one day. That's been his dream job since he was the age of thirteen and saw open heart surgery for the first time on television. As soon as he finished stitching me up, he ran another cotton swab over my chest but leaving some brown liquid upon my stitches. "What the hell is that?"

He didn't answer me though; he pushed me aside to wash his hands and strolled out the door with the first-aid kit tucked beneath his arm. Without thinking, I jumped off of the counter whilst slowly bending down to snatch my jacket off of the ground and followed after my best friend. Not finding him in the living room, I poked my head through the kitchen and saw his jean covered ass popping out of the refrigerator. I sighed and sat in the stool that Katherine was seated at in the morning. I heard the refrigerator slam shut and Jason held two bottles of beer in one hand. My lip twitched nauseatingly as thoughts of Stephen flashed before my eyes.

Jason sat across from me and opened both bottles, placing one in front him and the other in front of me. "Why the beer? We don't drink, Jay."

"Tonight we are, so drink up. I can tell you need one." He nodded at me while lifting the bottle to his lips and taking one long swig.

I mimicked his movements and took in a mouthful of the chill beer. It burned the back of my throat but left a fuzzy warmth in pit of my chest. I glanced up and saw Jason watching me speculatively. "Yes?"

"What happened tonight?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

Jason closed his eyes fleetingly as he conjured up his next words carefully. "Don't lie to me. You should know better, Edward. Tell me."

My head felt heavy on my shoulders. It felt like a ton of bricks. "I yelled at Bella. I told her to stop trying to help me. That I'm nobody's charity case. She wanted Carlisle to stitch up my chest, but I yelled at her and told her I could do it myself." I ripped my eyes away from the bottle to look at Jason in the eye. "I told her to leave me alone. I screwed up real bad, Jay."

Jason had a bored look in his eye. "That's it? This huge attitude was just over that? Ugh, Ed, that'll blow over soon enough." Jason shrugged, taking in another swig of beer.

I lowered my eyes as I fiddled with the paper around the bottle. "She stood there...crying, Jay. She was _crying_ and I just ripped my hand away form hers and left."

As he was bringing the bottle up to his lips again, his hand stopped midair at my words. "You made her _cry_?!"

"I told you I screwed up."

His eyes where raging with different emotions. "But you made her fucking cry?! What the hell, Edward? You better apologize to her. I'll beat your ass if you don't."

I noticeably flinched at his words and glanced away from him, my eyes drooping towards my bottle again. Though I knew he was joking, I still couldn't help but reacting.

He noticed my unease and immediately caught on. "Oh, shit, sorry. I didn't mean to..."

I sighed, "I know, it's alright...I'm just going to go take a quick shower and head off to bed."

His brow furrowed, knowing that I was still upset and nodded. "Night, Ed."

I threw my empty bottle in the trashcan and mumbled a "night" over my shoulder in return.

Subsequent to my painful shower, I slipped on my pajama bottoms and sunk into the mattress, curling my fingers tightly around the blue comforter. I closed my eyes and quickly fell asleep due to my chaotic day.

_I was at a cemetery. Dark rain clouds filled the sky overhead and I could feel insignificant droplets of water seeping through my hair and skin. Cement gravestones surrounded me but my eyes where situated on only one thing. A woman with long bronze hair that cascaded in ringlets down her back was standing in a black dress that hung loosely at her thin waist. Her back was to me but I could tell who she was from more than a mile away. Seeing her familiar silhouette made me want to run and fall into the caring and safe embrace that where her arms. I took a step forward and she leisurely instigated turning towards me. With every step I took, the more she twirled to face me. Now, as I stood merely inches away from her, she gazed up at me. My eyes where locked down her soft green ones._

_We stood there, staring at each other for what felt like forever. She reached up with a pale hand and placed it upon my ashen cheek. My lips trembled as I placed my hand over hers, pressing it tighter to my face. A lone tear escaped her eyes and I swiftly reached up and brushed it away with the fingertips of my unoccupied hand. "Mom..." I whispered, a mix of millions emotions seeping through that solitary word. A small but loving smile flashed over her soft features. "Yes, Edward?" Her voice was like silk. It sounded as if it where miles away, but all the while was laced with adoration and love._

"_I miss you." I stated, my voice cracking near the middle. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms firmly around her small shoulders. She wrapped her arms around my torso and buried her head in my chest. Expecting pain to lash out from the contact, I tensed, but nothing came. I felt no pain from my wounds._

"_I know you do, Edward. I know you do." She spoke softly from my chest. "But I have to go soon...it's time for me to go. You need to let me go." I instantly removed my arms from around her and clasped my hands around her shoulders. _

"_W-what? But you just got here? Why are you leaving?" I cried._

_Her tranquil expression never wavered, and neither did her voice. "I have to, son. It's time..." _

_Fear coursed through every fiber of my being. "No! You don't have to, mom. Stay here, with me. Please!" I openly sobbed, running my hands down her arms and gripping her hands strongly in mine. A sudden movement behind her made me instantly alert. Stephen stood more than ten feet away, behind a tombstone, and in a black suit. He held a bouquet of dead white roses in his hands as he watched the scene of my mother and me playing out before his eyes. He looked furious. His eyes had a stony flicker in them, and his jaw was clenched._

_He unexpectedly allowed the bouquet of roses to fall out of his burly hands. As it gradually tumbled towards the ground, I became aware of my mothers body before me once again. It began to slowly fade away, becoming more translucent by the second. My hands where all of a sudden grasping onto nothing, they where grasping onto thin air. Though I could still see my mother standing there with the same serene expression in front of me, and I could still see her hands in between both of mines, I couldn't feel them. My hands where going right through hers. "Mom?" I gasped._

"_I told you it was time for me to go..." her voice faded away with the remnants of her body. Soon after, she was gone. I was standing there in the middle of a cemetery weeping, surrounded my tombstones, and with Stephen's savage figure just feet away. An abrupt wave of vertigo washed through me and I fell to my knees. By now the rain had picked up a heavy tempo and I had to strain my eyes to see anything beyond my line of sight. The faintness never left me as I felt the vitality departing my veins. My eyes involuntarily fluttered shut as my body slumped forward towards the sodden mucky dirt. My head compacted with the ground forcefully and I lost all will to breathe as the darkness surpassed my body and took me away into the nothing._

"No!" I cried, waking out of my fitful slumber, gasping for air. My upper body shot up out of bed and curled in on itself. This was by far the most frightening dream I've ever had. More like nightmare. I could hear banging emitting from somewhere around the room. I glanced around wildly looking for its source, when I came to a conclusion that it was coming from the door. I didn't remember locking it last night.

I slowly rose from the bed, all the while throwing a t-shirt on over my head so that whoever was out there wouldn't see my bandaged chest. I opened the door swiftly, and there tumbled in Jason, Kathy and their father, Dean. They had frantic expressions written all over their faces. "Edward! Are you okay?!" Kathy shrieked, looking me over.

"Um, yes, why I wouldn't I be?" I asked curiously. They where acting peculiar.

"We heard screaming from down the hall and we thought something happened! Are you sure you're all right?" Dean stared at me warily, placing an unsteady hand on my shoulder.

My brow furrowed, I was screaming in my sleep? That hasn't happened to me in months. "Yes, I'm okay, Mr. Cooper, thanks...just had a bad dream I guess." Kathy and Dean breathed sighs of relief and headed out of the guest room while Jason stood here, still gazing at me with anxiety running across his face.

I sighed and headed back towards the bed, perching myself on the foot of it. Jason copied my action and sat beside me, still watching me guardedly. "Edward, you're not okay. I can see it, you never scream like that when you take naps or when you sleep. What happened?"

I gulped, "nightmare."

His jaw clenched. "Want to talk about it?" I really didn't, but the last time I had a bad dream, I'd left him hanging.

"It was about my mom. She was there, living, breathing, and talking to me..." Jason didn't need to hear anymore though; he knew I had difficulty speaking about my mother out loud. He placed a hand on the back of my shoulder, onto the crook of my neck and gave me a light squeeze.

"It's going to be okay, Edward. Just...give it time. Just give it time, you hear?" Jason raised his eyebrows at me. "I don't enjoy seeing my best friend all miserable."

I chuckled and gave him a half smile, though it didn't reach my eyes. "Thanks, Jay."

"No problem, Eddie...now come on, get changed, we have to head out to school soon."

Shit, school.

***

Jason and I reached the school in more time than normal. As we where parking, the first bell had already rung and we could see everyone walking into their buildings. I could tell that Jason felt my reluctance in going today so he drove at a snail's pace, making the ride there a whole lot longer. As we clambered out of his Integra, we rushed into the halls and swiftly bumped fists when we parted. I took a deep shaky breath when I reached the door to Biology and wrenched it open. Half of the class was already in there, including Bella. My heart nearly broke at the sight of her. She looked miraculous, as always, but her eyes...they where distant. The light that was usually ignited in them was gone. They where frozen and cold, they weren't pooling with her customary rush of emotions; all of this was because of me.

I forced my eyes to rip away from hers and stared down at my feet as I made my way towards my seat next to her. I sat down quietly and the stillness between Bella and I was almost painful. I could feel the tension and that anomalous pull towards her at the same time. Though I felt like turning away from her and ignoring her for the next two hours, I also felt the need to sweep her off of her feet and into my arms, and just holding her close...knowing that it will be all right. But I disregarded the latter thought and placed my head over my arms for the entire one hundred and twenty minutes of Banner's tedious lecture. When the bell rang, I bolted out of my chair and left Bella in my tracks.

Fuck, I have her for English too.

***

This was the worst school day ever. I saw Bella everywhere. I did have three classes with her, so that was probably the reason why. It took most of my willpower to not talk to her. I know I should have apologized to her like Jason told me to do yesterday. But I'm a fucking coward and I couldn't do it. I should receive a "biggest asshole" award, which would be oh so pleasant. I rolled my eyes at myself as I walked out of the school. Heading towards the Integra in the parking lot, I heard a wolf whistle and my senses immediately picked up. I knew Jason's call anywhere. My head swiveled towards The Cold Ones' bench and I saw them all seated upon it, talking and catching up.

Ugh, I don't feel like talking to any of them today.

I grudgingly made my way towards the bench, greeted them all, and sat and Keith's right. He seemed deep in though so I didn't dare interrupt him to start a conversation. Instead, I sat there, gazing out at the student body swarming around the lot and parent pick up. I saw a big figure walking towards us hastily; the whole gang was here so I knew it wasn't one of them. My eyes tightened and noticed the brown curly hair and the memorable exceedingly large muscles.

He was looking directly at me and picked up pace as he saw me staring back. I sighed and jumped off of the bench table, taking a few steps forward to confront him without the nosy peepers of the gang. He reached me and he looked livid. We where practically nose to nose as he spoke. "What did you do to her?"

"What did I do to whom?"

His nostrils flared menacingly. "Don't fucking play dumb with me, Masen. What did you do to Bella?"

"I didn't do anything to her." My voice was tight as I clenched my hands into fists at my sides.

"You sure as hell did. Ever since she started hanging out with _you _and your people she's been different. And I had never seen her the way she was last night. She looked so defeated, so _sad, _that I knew it had to have been you. She hasn't made any other friends here besides you and that Cooper kid." He fumed, "so answer me, what did you do?"

"Nothing."

He rose and eyebrow at me, "wrong answer." I didn't even notice when his fist came up flying towards my face. His fist connected with my skin with an audible booming sound. Rage ran through me as the adrenaline pumped its way though my veins. My head moved back towards Emmett and I immediately bent down and plunged my shoulders into his abdomen, knocking him down to the ground. He grabbed me by the shoulders and flipped me over his head, so that I landed on my back and on the cold cement above his head. He spun around while on the ground and straddled me. He began striking me with his fists, over and over again. The annoyance was becoming too hard to bear so I caught one of his fists in my hand and twisted it until I heard a sickening snap. Shit...oh well.

All of sudden, his weight above me was gone. I glanced forward and saw Jason and Landon holding Emmett back. He struggled against their hold and thrashed around feverishly. I shot up to my feet and much like last night, couldn't control the words escaping my throat. "What the fuck is your problem, McCarty? Yes, I was lying when I said I didn't do anything to Bella. But it was an accident, and I regret it. I didn't mean to say what I did. I lost my temper and couldn't control myself. So chill the fuck out, all right? I'm sorry, and I _am_ planning on apologizing to her. I can't have her mad at me for long. I just can't." Fuck. I didn't plan to say all of that. Now he _and_ the gang know that I have some type of feelings for her. Because truth be told, a friend wouldn't just say that to another friend. Unless, they where like family. Fuck, shut up, Edward. Great, now I'm talking to myself.

I breathed deeply through my nose as I stared back at the stunned faces in front of me. Keith's expression was what shocked me though. He looked almost betrayed. I shook my head and grabbed my bag, turning around to leave. When I turned around though, all eyes where glued on me. I swear, not one single eye was astray.

As I hurried my way out of the lot, dodging and sliding between parked cars, my eyes trailed along the body of a familiar black Audi TT coupe. I raised my eyes, just to be met with her chocolate brown ones. Her gorgeous orbs where pooling with unshed tears and it took all of my resolve to not run up to her and wipe them away when they fell. I took a shuddering breath and turned away from her, jogging my way out of there and onto an unfamiliar sidewalk. I figured that I appeared dramatic as fuck, but too bad.

I walked down that deserted street for what felt like hours. I checked my phone and it turned out to only have been twenty minutes. My shielded frontage fell right then and I slouched back against the fence beside the sidewalk. I lowered my head until my chin reached my slightly throbbing chest. A sob bubbled up my throat and I didn't prevent it from escaping my trembling lips. I allowed the tear buds to form and descend from my eyes, onto the hot cement beneath the soles of my shoes. My tears looked like the tiniest things ever, but felt like the most painful things in the world. I was alone, alone with my thoughts and alone with my tears. How fucking pathetic.

**First off, I'd like to thank everyone for the wonderful reviews/favorites/alerts for my previous chapter! They where amazing and they where my motivation to update sooner than planned. Just for you guys, because you are all awesome :D Sorry I ended it there you guys. I was planning on having this chapter much longer...but yeah that didn't happen lol. Idk I just wanted it to end it there xD**

**Poor Edward T.T I feel so bad. His dream *tears* I hope you all enjoyed that though ^.^**

**In other news, tomorrow's Halloween! So Happy early Halloween! :D it's going to be fun hehe. And hmm I saw the New Moon trailer on ABC Family and almost had a heart attack xDD my grandparents where like WTFF. Haha.**

**Well back to this, I liked this chapter and I hope you all did too!! Let's pass eight reviews?? :)**

**REVIEW and leave me your thoughts! And then I update hehe.**

**Thank you**

**Lori**


	12. i shot for the sky

With the rain pounding hard against body and the chill breeze slicing against my skin achingly, I trudged along the dark path that led me to Jason's house. I had turned my phone off and had tucked it away safely in the inside pocket of my jacket so that it wouldn't get ruined with the rain. I knew that Jason had probably tried calling me more than a million times and he also most likely had some of the gang call as well, but I seriously was not in the mood to listen to anyone's voice, anyone's but Bella's. Why the fuck did I have to screw this up? The minute friendship that she and I had, why did I have to ruin it with my dense carelessness? Maybe, because I am a complete idiot. Yeah, that's why. This is a moment when I needed my parents. I needed to ask them for advice, to give me insight on what I should do to mend this rupture between Bella and me. But no shooting star and no matter how much I wish, my mother can't miraculously rise from the dead, and my father would never come back after leaving me.

I raked a trembling hand through my soaked bronze colored hair, removing it from my eyes, and halted at the end of the sidewalk. I turned to my left, about to cross the street to Jason's neighborhood when a burst of courage overcame every one of my senses. My eyes fluttered shut as my head fell back slightly towards the night sky. So many different emotions coursed through me at that moment and I knew exactly what I should do. I abruptly pivoted on my heel towards my right and broke out in a sprint. I disregarded the slight throb of my leg and the sting in my chest as I ran. Instead, I focused on every time my foot came in contact with the ground. _Step, breathe, step, breathe. _I kept up the same pattern until I reached the neighborhood I was intended to. Remembering the way around signs and the feel of the street when I turned, I found the house almost instantly.

I never stopped running until I reached the porch. I just about rammed into it as I banged on it feverishly with my freezing fist. If I hadn't caught myself two seconds ahead of time, my knuckles would have collided into Esme's gracious face. My fist fell limp to my side as I stood there, my chest heaving up and down, and my body drenched from the rain. I probably looked like a lunatic. She stared at me with utter shock on her expression but she quickly covered it up and her paternal timbre rang through her words. "Edward? What are you doing here? Bella didn't say anything about you coming over tonight." But now is when she had seemed to finally see the state I was in. "Oh, you poor child! How long have you been out in this storm?! Step inside, please, and we'll get you dried up."

I shook my head quickly in frustration. "No Mrs. Cullen, thank you for the offer, really, I appreciate it so much. But I just really need to speak with Bella. Please." I think she could hear the desperation seeping through my words as I spoke through ragged breaths because she instantly fled the front room, leaving the door gaping open.

As soon as she'd left, I collapsed against the wall beside me, feeling the fatigue and exhaustion instantly wash through me at once. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose anxiously. My ears perked as I heard the tap of shoes against tile and my eyes snapped up just to be met with those pools of chocolate that I'd longed to see. She stood there with her arms crossed tightly over her chest and with no expression. No sadness, no happiness, no excitement, just nothing. I kicked off of the wall and stood there facing her at a loss for words. While I had been running before, I had been reciting what I should say to her, but now it all faded away and I had nothing. My mouth opened slightly but I closed it almost immediately, afraid that I would say the wrong thing. Her expression literally crumbled and a look of hurt and antipathy planted itself on every inch of her face. "You know what; I don't need any of this." She all but sneered through tight lips. She stepped back through the foyer and was about to slam the door but thankfully my muscles unlocked right on time and I jammed one of my feet in between the door and its frame.

"Bella, wait." I whispered, pouring every regret I've ever had into those two words.

The door instantly whipped open and Bella stepped out, slamming the door closed as she stepped towards me. "Why, Edward? Why should I wait?"

"Because," I gazed down at her with the sorrow flowing through me. I hurt her, I've hurt almost everyone I've ever cared for. But I caused Bella pain, and I can't live with her never forgiving me. "Because, Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry for what I said to you the other night. I am so incredibly sorry. I didn't mean for those words to come out of my mouth...I was just so frustrated and irritated that I exploded and couldn't control my words. Please, forgive me, Bella."

Her expression never wavered. "So, you where frustrated and irritated with someone that was trying to _help_ you? Incredible."

"No, that's not it. I didn't mean it that way. I was like that because I'm not used to people caring for me except for the Coopers. It's not typical for me to let people into my life, let alone even talk to them. For some reason you're the only person besides Jason that I feel I can trust in this way. You're someone that I can talk to and I'm not afraid of what I say around you. I trust you, Bella. You don't understand how difficult it is for me to confide in someone the way I do with you. Please, just believe me..." I trailed off mindlessly after speaking on a whim. Every word I'd said was completely truthful; I could never lie to her about anything like this. Gazing down at her now with partly outstretched arms, I saw her arms fall to her sides and a lone tear descend one of her eyes. She flashed me a sad smile and I instinctively stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her tightly. Despite the fact that I was drenched, she buried her head in my chest and snuggled into my embrace. I sighed blissfully, ignoring the sting of contact of my jacket against my stitches and I whispered a 'thank you' into her hair.

She leaned away from me all too soon and glanced up at me with the normal rush of emotions pooling in her eyes. I couldn't help but flash my crooked grin at her. Averting my gaze, she gave me a once over, looking me up and down and gripped me by the front of my jacket, swinging the door open and dragging me inside. Thankfully, the front living room was vacant so she tugged me up the stairs unnoticed. We made it to her room and she told me to stand next to the bed as she took care of something really quick.

As I waited for her return, I scanned her room and a picture beside her mirror on the dresser caught my eye. I stepped toward it and bent down to its level. In the picture was a breathtaking Bella with the light of the sun shining brightly behind her. Alongside her, with his arm around her shoulder, was a man. He seemed to be pretty close to our age as he beamed at the camera with blonde hair. But what really picked at my curiosity was that Bella didn't have the scar across her eye and that man's eyes, they where an exact replica of Bella's. Was this Logan? "That's Logan." Of course it was. They had to have been related with those eyes…wait, what?

My eyes widened and I swiveled, embarrassed that I had been caught. "Um, I didn't mean to pry…I was just curious. I was…"

Bella laughed at my attempt and fail. "It's okay. I should've showed you that picture when I told you what happened to him, so that you could see what he looked like."

I ran a hand through my hair and shivered out of random from the air conditioning and the cold wet clothes sticking to my body.

Catching me shiver, she instantly walked towards me and placed a bundle of material in my arms. "Here, these are Carlisle's. He said it was fine that you borrowed a pair of his jeans and a T-shirt. He never wears them anymore so don't freak out about using his stuff. Now, change in the bathroom before you get sick."

I nodded obediently and made my way towards her bathroom. Kicking the door shut, I removed my phone from me and placed it on the counter. I peeled my clothes off swiftly and jumped into the dark wash jeans. They fit nicely, they fit like most of my other jeans since Carlisle and I seemed to be around the same size. I glanced up at the mirror and saw the bandages across my chest where falling off because the moisture on the tape wouldn't allow it to hold. I sighed and stepped out of the bathroom, dumping my wet clothes in a corner before stepping out and clutching Carlisle's shirt in one hand. "Bella, do you happen to have any bandages? Like the big ones?"

She glanced up from her computer chair and her jaw dropped. She stared at my abs for a little longer than was necessary causing me to feel self conscious. "Um, Bella?" I asked nervously.

"Look who's turning red now." She chuckled, kicking away from the computer desk and standing up to reach me. "And yes we do, follow me and we'll get Carlisle to fetch us some."

"I have to leave your room like this?" I asked, my voice raising an octave in embarrassment.

Bella rolled her eyes at me. "The guys around here walk around shirtless all the time…except Carlisle because he's too sophisticated for that."

"So, you mean just Emmett?"

Bella nodded enthusiastically, "pretty much, yeah." She grabbed my hand and we walked down the stairs. I couldn't really focus feeling Bella's warm hand in my still cold one. Her fingers where curled lightly around mine and it was utter bliss.

Before I knew it, we had reached the kitchen and there was Esme and Carlisle both leaning against the counter and in a lighthearted discussion. "Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, but Uncle Carlisle where do you put the bandages? Because as you can see, Edward needs some new ones." Bella explained, motioning towards my chest.

Carlisle glanced at us perceptively before swiftly pecking his wife on the forehead and turned towards the stairs. We followed him until we reached his study. He took out a box from beneath his desk and rummaged through it, revealing bandages of all sizes. When he found a couple that would fit around my lacerations, he shoved the rest of them back into the box and placed it beneath his desk once again. He turned towards me and told me to remove the ones that where drooping among my chest. I removed them slowly and crumbled them up into my palm. Bella gasped and Carlisle just stood there eyeing my chest in concentration. "Edward, if you don't mind me asking, how did you receive those wounds?"

I gulped and glanced at Bella, searching my brain for an answer. She knew how I got them, but he didn't. "Um...fight."

"With who? Wolverine?"

I chuckled at his humorous remark and shook my head, "no, a guy."

Carlisle's eyes tightened for the least bit. "Did he whip a knife out on you or something?"

"Something like that," I mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with where this conversation was headed.

He cocked an eyebrow at me and turned towards his desk. He took the same disinfectant that Jason used on me and stepped towards me. "This is going to sting a bit." He dabbed it on as I stared down at Bella. Her eyes where glued on Carlisle's hands lightly running along my chest. She looked oddly entranced.

Soon after, he removed the plastic from the bandages and placed them all along my chest gently. He stepped back, observing his work and then threw all of the excess plastic and paper away in a bin beside his desk. I took the opportunity, and dumped the other bandages I had in my hand into the trashcan. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

"Edward, how many times do I have to tell you, call me Carlisle…and no problem, son." He grinned at me and seized my hand in his, shaking it momentarily before leaving the room. I felt the warmth bubbling in my stomach when he called me son. Ridiculous as it may sound, it made me feel special. I sighed and turned towards Bella; she was gazing up at me with tender and questioning eyes and had a small smile across her full red lips. The sudden urge to place my lips gently against hers was mind-blowing. I shook my head and flicked her forehead playfully, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Hey, what was that for!" she screeched, rubbing the now red spot on her forehead.

I shrugged. "Just playing with you, home girl."

"What are you, ghetto now?" She laughed.

I rolled my eyes and we both simultaneously turned and left the room. After I threw the emerald green shirt over my head, Bella and I walked around her house for a short while making small talk and ended up in the living room. There sat Emmett and Alice side by side watching _The Covenant_. I recalled seeing that movie with Jason years ago when it first premiered in theaters. But the movements on screen didn't hold my attention for long as Emmett's figure rose off of the cushions and walked around the couch to face me. "The fuck are you doing here, Masen?" Emmett growled, tightening his massive rock hard arms across his chest.

Bella placed a hand to his chest, "Em, don't star-" Bella began but I interrupter her, stepping closer to him.

"Emmett, I should apologize for the way I acted this afternoon. I know it was wrong of me to start a fight, but I just wanted you to know that I fixed everything with Bella and I apologized to her as well. No hard feelings." I declared sincerely. I stuck my hand out bravely and he eyed it warily before giving in and placing his hand in mine, giving it a rough shake.

Emmett turned back towards the couch and plopped down on it. "First off, I'm the one the started the fight so I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Secondly, if you hurt her again, I will personally murder you. And last, this little truce doesn't mean I like you." Quite satisfied with the way everything is turning out tonight, I grinned from ear to ear and shot a glance at Bella. She smiled in return and her eyes fell to the spot beside me. I followed her gaze and there stood the midget, Alice, inches away from me with her arms behind her back and with an adorable energetic smile engraved into her face. Wait, adorable? Fuck my life; I'm turning into a damn loser. "Um, hello," I said awkwardly.

"Hi, Edward!" She unfroze and seized my arm in one of her tiny hands before I could even blink and dragged me away with a chuckling Bella at my heel. Alice led me up the stairs and into a colossal bathroom in the middle of the hall. She literally shoved me into the seat that was positioned in the center of the room and placed her hands lightly over my shoulders from the back. "Bella get me a pair of Esme's salon scissors!"

"What?!" I bolted off of the chair and swiveled to face the little demon in shock. "Why did you just sit me in a chair and ask Bella to get me scissors?"

She stared back at me as if I where out of my mind. "Because I'm giving you a haircut, duh, whoa and I thought you where smart."

"I am smart thank you very much," I replied in the same smartass tone, "and you are not cutting my hair. No one touches my hair with scissors around."

"I'm not an idiot; I know what I'm doing. I know what'll look good on you. Short hair wouldn't look good because your jaw is too squared, so I'm just going to cut the tips, because it's a little _too_ long."

Right then appeared Bella from behind me and handed Alice the scissors. I cowered into the wall dramatically. "Bella, do you know what she's planning on doing?!"

"Yes, she's giving you a haircut." She shrugged nonchalantly.

My mind was racing. "And you're okay with this too?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

I just gaped at them in absolute disbelief. The midget just wants to cut my hair as if she where a damn hair stylist and shit. I think not! "Edward," Bella began, "Alice is not going to ruin your hair, believe me. She's the one that cuts Emmett's and Carlisle's."

Well they did have really nice hair…no Edward! Snap out of it! "No."

"It'll look perfect." Bella said softly, stepping up to me and placing her hand lightly over my forearm, "let Alice do this, for me."

I gazed down at her and couldn't resist. "Ugh fine."

They both smiled excitedly as I sat in the chair. Alice tied one of those cape things that salon people use, around my neck so that I won't get hair all over my clothes. She wet her hands under the faucet quickly and ran them through my hair. I had to admit, that felt good. I instantly relaxed but stiffened when the sound of clicking scissors reached my ears. I closed my eyes and decided that I'd open them when she was completely finished.

After what felt like eternity and back, Alice's high soprano voice rang around me. "Done!" She unsnapped the cape around my neck and flung it onto the counter. But before allowing me to stand, I felt her rubbing some product over my scalp and hair. "What are you doing?"

"Don't worry, this gives your hair more luster. Not that you really need any since your hair is already miraculous." She gushed. I half smiled at her kind words.

She finally tapped my shoulders, signaling me to rise and I did. I took a deep breath and turned towards the immense mirror at my right. I froze in place and looked back at myself in skepticism. The midget was correct; she was really good at hair styling. Shit my hair really doesn't look half bad. In fact, it looks better than how I had it before. It stuck out in its usual disarray but the tips where just a tad bit shorter and it partially covered my forehead. She somehow made it look incredibly shiny and, if possible, a darker shade of bronze than it was before.

I let out a gust of air and turned towards Alice, who was staring at me joyously and lightly bouncing on the balls of her feet. Before I could even think of my actions, I leaned forward and embraced her in a light hug. "Thank you, Alice. It looks great."

I leaned back and she patted my shoulder, "no problem, Edward. I told you I wasn't going to butcher your great hair." She let out in her tinkling voice before dancing out of the bathroom.

My body turned towards Bella and the way she looked at me made my heart soar. She looked almost proud. I walked towards her and she grabbed my hand in hers, giving it a tight squeeze. "You're such a good sport, Edward."

I laughed lightly, "thanks?"

We walked in silence until we reached her room. Before I could forget, I flitted over to her bathroom, snatching my still damn clothes off of the floor and getting my cell phone off of the counter. I flipped it open and turned it on, almost instantly I was bombarded by more than ten text messages and fifteen missed calls. I sighed, Jason worries too much about me. I was right before, there where a few messages from the other guys, but most of them where from Jason asking if I was all right and where I was. After reading them all, I replied, '_Jay, I'm fine. After leaving school I walked around a bit & went to Bella's to apologize. It went well, so don't worry. I'll be leaving soon._'

After flipping my phone shut, I felt it vibrate in my hand. Shit he replies fast. '_Fuck bro, you had me worried sick. But I'm glad you're alright, need a ride home?'_

I quickly replied a '_please & thank you_' and left Bella's bathroom and into her room. She was standing there, gazing down intently at a flyer in her hands. When she heard me enter, her head snapped up and she let the paper slip between her fingers and onto the mattress of her bed. "You want me to put those clothes in the dryer for you?"

I shook my head. "No, its fine. I have to be leaving soon anyway. Jason's going to come pick me up."

Her face fell noticeably at my words. Did it bother her as much as it bothered me to leave? I ran a hand through my now really soft hair and cleared my thoughts.

"Alright, let's go wait for him in the living room." She said, strutting her way out of the room. I followed behind her and noticed a birth mark behind the strap of her burgundy tank top on her shoulder. I stared at it until we reached the living room and came to a conclusion that it looked like a melting heart.

We sat next to Emmett as he finished watching _The Covenant,_ and when he saw us, he flashed me an overly welcoming smirk, if he wanted it to look menacing, then it definitely worked. My phone vibrating in my pocket, made me look away. I opened my phone and read the message, _'I'm here, come outside.'_

"Jay's here." I said quietly, rising from the couch. Bella stood up alongside me and waited until I moved. I stepped to my right and stuck my hand out to Emmett in a friendly gesture. He took it firmly and shook it, almost breaking my knuckles from the force behind it. He had a shit eating grin on his face as he turned his attention back to the movie. I shook my head in incredulity as I walked towards the kitchen. There stood Alice, Esme and Carlisle flipping through a home renovations magazine. "My ride's here to pick me, thank you for the bandages, Carlisle." I said lightly, shaking his hand in mine.

I turned to the women and gave them both sincere kisses on their cheek. As I was leaving the kitchen I spoke over my shoulder to Alice, "thanks again for the haircut midget."

I could hear them all laughing in my tracks and a screeching 'hey!' from Alice. This family is seriously getting to me.

After walking out onto the porch with Bella I saw Jason's car idling in the driveway. "Hey, Bells!" he boomed from inside the car. Bella waved at him in return, but I doubt he could see her in the dark. I sighed and couldn't help myself when I cupped her cheek gently in the palm of my hand. Her face flushed beautifully in response. I don't know what came over me to do what I did next though. Gazing deeply into her eyes, I decided right then and there that I knew what had to happen next. By the look on her face, I was positive that she knew what was about to transpire as well, but I'd be untruthful if I said I was able to predict her reaction. I couldn't allow the trepidation of rejection hold me back. I held my breath as my mouth neared hers, my eyes darted about her face for any indication of forthcoming denial. I found none though. Instead her eyes fluttered closed, her warm and wonderful breath hitting my lips in ragged puffs. My whole body reacted as if there was a boundless electric current coursing through me.

And then under the starry night, and ever so gently, my lips touched hers.

**Guys! Why so little reviews for the last chapter? *glares* those are what makes me update faster.**

**Anyway, I didn't go to school today cause I wasn't feeling well…wait no I'm not going to lie, I just didn't want to go. But on the plus side, I updated for you guys because I love you all even if you don't review .**

**NEW MOON IS THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW! OMFG I'MA DIE xD ahaha. Well for me it is, because of the midnight showing :] I'm so excited you guys! Share the excitement and jump up and down with me! Lmao. **

**In other news, thank you all for reading this chappie and my story so far. I hope you enjoyed this one! And remember if you want more then review.**

**So, remember REVIEW! Let's pass eight! Please and thank you.**

**Lori**


	13. stomp a cadence for you

The dissimilar emotions I felt at the moment my lips touched Bella's where beyond description. I shouldn't have kissed her; I shouldn't have _wanted_ to kiss her, but I did nonetheless. And it was incredibly mind-blowing. All my brain would conceive was how soft her lips where, how ideal they felt pressed against my own and how right it all actually was. My insides where fluttering wildly, the electricity I felt whenever I touched her was blazing and now coursing through my veins with a fierce intensity, spreading like wildfire throughout my body. My thumbs caressed her cheeks as my lips moved graciously against hers, and even though it wasn't, by definition, a profound kiss; it was the sweetest, most tender kiss I'd ever given. Let alone experienced.

I leaned away slowly from her face, keeping my eyes closed, terrified of what I would see when I opened them. Would she be upset? Regretful? I bit my bottom lip anxiously and my stomach instantly quivered when the taste of her sweet lips lingered along mines. Building up the courage, I gradually allowed my eyes to open. With my hand still cradling the side of her face, I studied her expression thoughtfully. With her eyes remaining closed, and a small smile playing along her mouth, she looked almost blissful. I take it she's not upset? Her eyes opened then, seeking out mines and locking them. A breathtaking smile cracked along her face as she beamed up at me, a heated blush rising up into the spot beneath my thumb. I flashed her my signature lopsided grin in return and leaned forward, placing my lips against her forehead softly. "Jason's waiting for me, I should go."

My whispers sounded like brittle leaves rustling in the wind, weak and dejected. She sighed in response and looked up at me with bright eyes, her fingers fiddling with the hem of my borrowed T-shirt. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

I stared down at her intently and replied in the gentlest tone I could muster, "I wouldn't miss school for the world knowing that you're going to be there."

She broke away from my penetrating gaze and glanced down at her feet, probably embarrassed at my random kind words. "O-okay, I think you should go too, I wouldn't want you to keep Jason waiting either."

"I guess so," a low chuckle bubbled up my throat while I rolled my eyes at her horrible save. "Goodnight."

She glanced up at me then and I immediately knew what she wanted. I smiled and leaned down, placing my lips upon hers once more, molding them against hers perfectly. Much too soon, I released my hold against her and backed away knowing that if I stayed with her any longer, I wouldn't have the sufficient resolve to leave her. "Goodnight, Edward." I heard her whisper softly into the brisk night air.

"Sweet dreams, Bella." At that I turned on my heel and made my way to Jason's car. My legs where shaking as I dumped myself in the Integra's passenger seat. I shut my eyes tightly, and threw my head back against the headrest in attempt to form a coherent sentence from what I'd just experienced.

I heard Jason's boisterous laugh beside me as he restarted the car and peeled out of Bella's driveway. "Oh Eddie, you're so silly."

The entire drive to Jason's house was kept in absolute silence. He didn't even bother plugging in his I-Pod. He knew me too well. By the time we made it to his house, my thoughts where in much better order and I could finally think straight. We climbed out of his car and stalked up to his front door. I halted at the porch and stopped Jason with my words. "Jay, I'll be back in a little bit. I'm going to go for a walk...don't wait up."

Jason eyes me quizzically but nodded nonetheless. "Here's the house key, and give me your clothes, I'll stick them in the washer." I handed him my rained on clothing and he tossed me the house key before going separate ways.

I trudged up the familiar sidewalk to the end of his neighborhood and found myself at a four way stop. My pulse was pounding feverishly underneath my skin because I knew exactly where my gut feeling was telling me to go. With a muffled grunt, and for the second time tonight, I broke out into a sprint down the road. But this time, I wasn't headed towards Bella's. The chill wind smacking my face was brutal as I cut behind people's backyards and leaped over the low ferns in my path. But I wasn't going to stop until I reached my destination. I was panting by the time I reached the house. Thankfully luck was on my side today because Stephen's car wasn't parked in the driveway. He was probably out getting drunk or screwing some woman that he scoped out at a local bar. My fists clasped instinctively at the thought of him as I jogged up the driveway. I unlocked the front door with the key under the floor mat and stepped into the house. It all looked exactly the same, but it was just a tad bit filthier than it was since I had left.

I disregarded my surroundings and half ran down the hall, towards the basement. I reached the desolate room and barged through the door, slamming it closed as I entered. By now I was moving on auto pilot. On sheer intuition. I flipped on the light switch at the wall at my right and pivoted towards my left. I didn't expect to feel this way as I saw the outline of my beloved instrument once more. The sudden wave of grief and abandonment hit me at full force. My thoughts veered to ones of my mother and the way I used to play for her, bringing a proud smile upon her face. I thought of my father who'd watch from afar and gaze at the wonderful bond between my mother and me. I held back a sob that threatened to escape my lips as I cautiously stepped towards the sleek mechanism. My arm stretched out and seized the dusted duvet with curled fingers, ripping it off of my piano and tossing it down to the ground. Without thinking, I lifted the lid off of the burnished stool and took out a stack of sheet music. Placing the lid back on, I slid onto the seat and finally felt at home. I finally felt complete to be reconnected with my escape.

I placed the disheveled papers atop the piano's stand. Finding a pen jammed at its crease, I removed it and positioned it behind my ear. I hesitated before lightly running my fingers along the surface of all eighty-eight keys. Soon enough, my eyes drooped shut and I was making music once again. The mere sound of meshing keys and tones set me at an incredible high. The year I spent without playing my piano was regretful; it pained me to be here, knowing that this was something I enjoyed doing with my mother. I furrowed my brow and shoved all thoughts of my past out of my mind, focusing on thoughts of the present, on thoughts of my Bella. She was my present, and if I was fortunate enough, my future as well.

I played for what felt like an hour but I knew was much, much longer. I would occasionally flip the pen from my ear and scribble down lyrics and notes on the sheet music before me. Her face, her voice encompassed my thoughts as I composed my music. She brought back old Edward, the Edward I used to be before I got involved in the mess I'm in. A sudden bang from across the house made my fingers freeze along the keys. Stephen. My jaw clenched tensely as I conjured up my subsequent movements.

With one last aching glance towards my piano, I seized the sheet music in my fist and shoved them into my back pocket, all the while lifting the nearest window open and scrambling out through the tight space. I was met with the startling chill breeze whipping my shirt and hair around violently. Now is when it occurred to me to check the time on my phone, it was half passed three in the morning. Shit.

***

The sun was illuminating brightly through the guest room window in Jason's house. Large black spots filled my unfocused vision as my hand instantly flew up to shield my eyes. I groaned and blearily kicked my legs over the side of the bed, rising to my feet soon after. As it tried to catch up with my brain, my body blindly made its way towards the hall bathroom in need of a hot shower. When I reached it, I brushed my teeth until they where gleaming and began to mindlessly strip out of my clothes.

Once I took my soothing shower, I was fully awake and recalled on everything that had ensued the previous night. I smiled to myself as I thought of Bella's smooth lips moving in sync with mine, her warm hands clutching me to her. I had to take a deep and shuddering breath to calm my already irregular breathing so that I could finish changing without passing out. A startling knock on the room door made me jump about three feet in the air. "Ed, Jason says if your ass isn't in the Integra in two minutes that he's leaving without you."

I slipped on my vans quickly and opened the door, revealing Katherine's triumphant smile. "And your jacket's on the coat hanger by the door with your bag." I grinned down at her for being so observant. Walking passed her; I placed a chaste peck on the crown of her head and raced out the door, whilst dragging my jacket and bag along with me.

Jason parked the car in its usual parking space earlier than usual this morning. I made a mental note to thank him for it later. I slipped out of the car and shrugged on my leather jacket while inconspicuously scanning the cars around me. My eyes fell upon the gorgeous TT as it butt parked beside an old Chevy truck. A teasing smile crept its way onto my face as I walked towards the car. The driver's side door opened and there stepped out Bella. I had to remind myself to breathe as I neared her. She wore ripped skinny jeans, a dark blue hoodie and her mahogany hair flowed down to the middle of her back.

Simply breathtaking.

As if sensing that I was watching her, she abruptly turned around and found my eyes, locking them with hers. An introverted smile fell upon her face as she took the remaining steps towards me. I reached out and placed my free hand along the side of her face, tracing her scar and cheek with my thumb. She closed her eyes momentarily and leaned into me; I wrapped my arms around her in response and placed my lips against her hair. "Good morning, Bella."

"Morning," she replied, her warm breath ticking my neck and sending shivers down my spine. I removed my arms from around her and smoothly ran my hand down one of her arms, intertwining my fingers amid hers.

She glanced down at our linked hands and beamed up at me. "How was the rest of your night?"

I shrugged, "it was okay. It would have been better if you where there though."

Bella cocked an eyebrow at me playfully and nudged me with her shoulder. "Smooth Masen, very smooth."

Before I could respond with a witty comeback, Alice appeared out of nowhere at Bella's side. "It's the new hair; it makes him appear sexier than he really is."

"He's already plenty sexy, I don't think it's possible for him to get even sexier." Bella instantly tensed as if now realizing what had escaped her lips.

I had a good laugh before responding, "plenty sexy, huh?"

"Uh, I-I was just s-sayin-" I interrupted her before she had brain hemorrhage, and plus I felt bad making her squirm.

I grinned and whispered into her ear, "Its okay, Bella, calling you sexy would be an understatement."

Satisfied, I turned my head away from her, allowing her to have her moment of brutal blushing. My eyes instinctively roamed towards, The Cold Ones, bench. I gulped uneasily when I saw the guys' furious expressions, most where glaring daggers at Bella and I. I caught Jason standing among them and staring at me apologetically along with Landon. I didn't even allow myself to look at Keith, I'm not going to lie, his reaction would have probably frightened me the most. I knew he could somehow find a way to destroy the little happiness within me. "You okay?"

My head turned towards Bella as her voice ripped me away from my thoughts. "Yeah I'm alright, just thinking."

"Oh," she nodded, giving my hand a gentle squeeze, "don't let me stop you."

"No it's fine; I'd rather be speaking to you anyway…hmm what's your favorite color?" I asked curiously.

She stared at me for an immeasurable moment before responding. "Right now, it's green. Why?"

I shook my head, "just curious is all."

"All right, just curious, what's yours?"

I licked my lips, "royal blue." It's the color that made her stand out, the color that accentuated her features; it looked out of this world on her. She smiled, completely oblivious to my reasoning behind my response. Suddenly the shrilling bell made us flinch and we both simultaneously sighed, reluctant to begin the school day.

"Listen, Bella, people are going to be staring, and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable…so we can just walk side by side if you want...or maybe act the same way as we where before?"

Bella's entire demeanor seemed crestfallen. "Is that what you want?"

"It's not what I want, no. If I could, I'd be holding your hand for as long as possible, but I'm willing to make sacrifices for you." I responded earnestly, gazing at her deeply, reading every flicker in her expression.

Bella's eyes sparkled. "Good. I don't think I want to let go of you just yet."

My heart soared.

***

It was about fifteen minutes before lunch when I got a text message from Keith informing me to meet the gang behind building three once the bell rang. I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I mulled over the things he was probably going to tell me. My eyes drifted across my English class to Bella's back. I could see the side of her face and she was fully entranced by Mr. Varner's lecture on William Shakespeare's quote, _These violent delights_, _have violent ends_. Act II, Scene IV-V from _Romeo and Juliet. _I knew everything needed to know about every quote in that novel. Five projects in the past can do that to you. I sighed and counted down the seconds to leave class. "3, 2, 1…" I whispered, whilst rising from my chair. The ridiculously loud bell chimed and I hung back behind the swarm of students, waiting for Bella to collect her things.

"Isn't it beautiful?" She asked me once we stepped out of the class together.

Lost in thought, I didn't quite catch what she'd been speaking of. "Isn't what beautiful?"

"The love, the loss, the way that they die for one another…it's amazing." She breathed, with a faraway gleam in her eyes. I nodded in reply and decided that this was the best time to inform her, since the gang was probably waiting for me by now, so I really had no choice.

I stopped and turned towards Bella, curling my fingers around her wrist so that she could stop walking forward. "Bella, I have to meet the gang before lunch. But we have gym together, so I'll see you then."

She caught her bottom lip between her white teeth and my hand immediately flew up to stroke her lip. She released it and stared up at me. "…you need to sit with them at lunch, so yes; I'll see you in gym." She turned around to walk away but I seized her hand in mine and tugged her back to me. I twirled her and dropped my bag to the ground to cradle her face in my hands. Pressing every line of my body against hers, I connected my lips with hers. It was sweet and tender once again as our lips molded together flawlessly.

Backing away from her slowly, I sent her a little wink and fled to the clearing behind building three.

The guys where already there including Landon and Jason who both came to my side when they saw me arrive. Keith flicked his cigarette to the concrete and cracked his knuckles before stepping towards me. "Masen, if I may ask, what do you think you're doing?"

I clenched my jaw, "with what?"

"With your life, with that girl! What's come over you?" he asked menacingly, stepping up to me.

I sustained the urge to smash my fist against his face, "_that girl_, has a name, Bella. And nothing's come over me. I haven't changed, Keith."

"You haven't changed? Are you listening to yourself right now? You've never been more different! You're only with us if we need to fight. And you're not the same. By now you'd be picking a fight with half the guys in this school, but you're just laying low." He scoffed, motioning at me with his arms. "It's the girl."

My nostrils flared as I grasped him by the collar and brought his face up to mine, "no. It's not _Bella_. I'm sick and tired of this, this way of life you all live. I _hate_ it. It's not right to go around almost killing ourselves and other men that have never done anything to us, every night. It's fucking ridiculous."

"Let go of me, Masen." The authority in his voice was mind-boggling. I immediately released his jacket and stepped back. "You're the one that made the choice to join us, and you where perfectly fine with all of this before she came along."

I could feel my nails digging into the skin of my palms, "maybe because I now actually have something worth living for."

Keith was seething, the veins in his forehead where prominent and pulsing beneath his skin. "Don't push me."

"I'm not."

"Keep this up and you'll regret it later." He barked, stalking past me, expecting for the rest of his minions to follow.

I shot Jason an infuriated glance before we both unwillingly caught up with Keith and fell into stride at his sides.

***

Marching towards our table in the lunch room, people's eyes would scurry from Keith to me and back, as if feeling the tension rolling off of us in waves. Out of habit, my eyes drifted towards _her_ table and I was met with each of their stares boring holes into my face. All except for one though, the one that I wanted to see, the one that I wanted to see me. Her family stared at me with apologetic expressions, even the Hale's, as if they knew what was going on. I trusted Bella to not repeat anything that I told her, despite the fact that I didn't really tell her the in-depth facts. I have some serious trust issues.

I raked a hand through my hair and ripped my eyes away, letting my gaze descend from them and to the ground beneath my feet. Since I'd recently lost my appetite, I didn't bother retrieving lunch so I settled on dumping myself in my usual lunch seat. I watched Bella robotically picking at her food, but never bringing it to her lips. She seemed deep in thought. I mentally kicked myself. I should go over there, sit in the empty seat beside her, and mindlessly twirl a strand of her between my fingertips as she ate. But why don't I? That's a question that whirled around in my brain for quite a while. Was it Keith? Was I just _afraid_ of having to face him afterward? But just how I told Bella this morning, I could make sacrifices for her. And I _would_ make sacrifices for her.

I sighed and my eyes instantly flitted over to movement at Bella's left. Emmett was rising from his seat with his girlfriend, Rosalie, at his side and they where both staring directly at me. Though Emmett didn't look livid for once, he still looked quite piqued about something. I stood as they neared me and stepped in front of the table. "Hey Masen, can we speak for a second?"

I nodded warily and waited.

"I thought you and Bells where cool again. I was spying on you two last night, and I saw you guys kiss. You both seemed pretty happy, what happened now?" He asked. I could tell that he was trying to maintain his voice at a reasonable volume, Rosalie's hand stroking his arm was probably helping him remain somewhat calm.

"What do you mean? We are good," I answered truthfully, my eyes flickering over to Bella for a split second and back to Emmett.

Emmett sighed, "Well it doesn't seem like it. Does she look happy to you?"

"Not really, no." I responded in the same tone.

"And I have a pretty good guess why. You two are sort of 'going out' now, I suppose?" He inquired, taking Rosalie's hand in his.

My heart kicked up a notch at the course that this conversation was taking. "I guess so, yes."

"Then why the hell are you sitting here with these fuckers instead of with her?" He asked, stepping towards me, but Rosalie thankfully stopped him.

I clenched my jaw, "I don't have a choice."

He looked taken aback by my words, shocked almost, "what do you mean you don't have a ch-"

An unwanted voice interrupted him before he could get his full sentence out. "Is there a problem here?"

Emmett scoffed and immediately turned around to walk away with Rosalie. "No."

I sighed, knowing that our conversation would have to continue sometime. I looked at Keith before taking my seat beside Jason and across from Landon. "You know," Jason began, "if I where you, I'd go over to Bells now. Because if you really think about it, what can Keith really do about it?"

My eyes tightened as I pondered his words. He was right, Keith can't really _do _anything. I can easily beat his ass in a fight and what else would he even try doing? I grinned to myself and stood from my seat without a backward glance at the guys. Bella didn't see me when I snuck up from behind her and placed my lips against her ear, my warm breath rustling her hair lightly. When she heard my whispers and felt my chest pressed against her back, I felt her body almost instantly relax. "Follow me, love."

At that, I strolled out of the lunch room, hearing Bella's light foot steps at my heel.

**First off, this chapter was horrible. Like I can't even explain how badly it came out. I just hated it, and in my honest opinion, it dragged on.**

**Now, I hope the rest of you don't think so, and I hope you guys actually enjoyed it c: so hopefully you did.**

**Anyways, Edward finally played his piano O: cuteness!..also, Keith is really starting to piss me off. Is he pissing any of you off, as well? Hehe ;)**

**OMFG NEW MOON WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN TWILIGHT! *dies in seat* When Emmett said, "I vote hell yeah!" I think I almost passed out. He's so amazing :DDDD**

**I'm not really in the mood to ramble on about how much I loved it, so anyway I really hope you guys liked this chapter. **

**REVIEW so that I can update sooner! Let's pass nine??**

**Thank you all for reading, you guys rock! So remember review, if you want more.**

**Lori**


	14. go and make your luck

With my hands stuffed deeply into my pockets and my bag thumping carelessly against my thigh with every step, I never glanced over my shoulder to verify that Bella was there. It was as if I could sense her presence, as if I could hear the erratic beat of her heart deep within her chest. A smile was etched upon my face as I walked out of the school through the front double doors. Veering off towards the right, I immediately stopped in between the gap of the two closest buildings. I spun on my heel and leaned back slowly against the wall, meeting Bella's bewildered eyes. She halted a few steps away from me and just stared, as if waiting for an explanation. I rolled my eyes and instantly reached out, grabbing her hand in mine and tugging her body closer to me. She stumbled slightly but I wrapped my arms securely around her waist, preventing her fall. "Edward, what are we doing here? Why are…" She trailed off mindlessly.

Bella's breath tickled my lips, "well, we've already covered the fact that I can't sit with you at lunch, but we're not sitting now are we?"

"But won't your friends be upset with you?" She asked, furrowing her brow.

"They're not my friends, Bella," I corrected, "and why would they be upset if I'm not in the cafeteria?"

Bella raised an eyebrow and had a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Diabolical now aren't we?"

"Nope," I said, shaking my head teasingly, "just _real_ witty."

Before Bella could respond, I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips against hers softly. She breathed heavily and reached up to weave her hands through my hair and soon after rested them at the nape of my neck. My hands gave her waist a gentle squeeze and a low groan escaped her throat. I chuckled and released her lips from mine to look at her. She was beet red and kept her eyes glued to the wall behind my head. I waited until she met my gaze, but seemed too embarrassed to do so. I reached up with one hand and tugged on her chin softly to meet my eyes. "Bella…" That did the trick.

Her eyes flickered to mine and they where clearly mortified. "Sorry about that."

"What the hell are you sorry for?" I asked, tilting my head to the side in confusion.

"For…for uh making that n-noise..." she mumbled.

I laughed out loud at her innocence, "You're apologizing for _moaning_?"

Her eyes widened and to save her from further embarrassment, I bit my lip and let out my own soft groan. Bella's cheeks where pooling with blood beneath her translucent skin. Her eyes instantly met mine once again but this time they where filled with lust.

Now that's what I'm talking about.

I grinned and left a trail of kisses down her neck. "Tell me, what's so bad about that?"

"Well nothing now," she scoffed though the corners of her lips where twitching.

A familiar voice spoke from afar, cutting off my subsequent words to Bella. "Eddie? Bells? Come out, come out wherever you are!" Jason said in a singsong voice.

I shook my head in incredulity and motioned for Bella to step away so that we could reveal ourselves. We stepped out from behind the building and saw Jason there, peering over a bush. "Uh Jay, we're over here."

His head snapped towards us and a smirk was playing across his face. "Oh, there you are. Um Belly, may I speak to your for a second?"

I glanced at Bella with questioning eyes, but she seemed as lost as me. We both stepped forward to confront Jason but his next word made me stop. "Alone."

I reluctantly released Bella's waist as she walked up to Jason cautiously. He grabbed her wrist and practically dragged her across the parking lot out of my hearing range. When his lips began to move quickly, I could se the surprise on her face becoming more and more evident by the second. I heard her shriek a "what!" until Jason's hand flew over her mouth to make her speak lower.

I ran a hand through my hair in annoyance, but calmed down knowing that Bella would tell me what their conversation was about later. I shuffled my feet as I saw them both quickly whipping out their cell phones and punching in digits.

Sighing, I began to pace the concrete mindlessly.

It was nearly ten minutes later when they both stalked up to me with identical smirks plastered onto their faces. "What was that about?" I whispered to Bella as Jason passed us and entered the school.

"Nothing really," Bella replied, waving off my question with her hands.

I cupped her face in my palms and breathed against her parted lips, "it had to be something if he couldn't say it in my presence. Won't you tell me?"

By now, her breathing had hitched and I could feel the strong beat of her heart pressed against my chest. "Trust me, Edward, it was nothing. Just…forget about it."

I gritted my teeth in irritation but let the subject drop nonetheless and backed away from Bella, settling on intertwining my fingers with hers. "Fine then. Come on, the bell's probably going to ring soon, let's start heading towards the locker rooms."

Bella groaned and her head fell down to her chest, "fucking gym."

"Don't curse, Bella." I stated seriously, I'm already a bad enough influence on her. I don't need my foul language to stick with her as well.

She raised her eyebrows and stared at me almost accusingly. "Why not?"

I shrugged, "those aren't the types of words a girl like you should be saying. You're too good for any of that."

She placed her hands on her hips and clicked her tongue, eyeing me like a piece of meat. "Fuck, fuck, _fuck_."

The sudden urge to sweep her up in my arms and smash my lips against hers was outrageous. The way she slowly let the word roll off of her tongue was the sexiest thing I have ever heard. It was, needless to say, a turn on. I rammed my eyes shut and raked my hands roughly through my hair. "Bella, stop." I nearly growled.

I heard her wind chime laugh escalating before she responded. "Chill, I don't understand what's so wrong with it. But if it makes you happy, I'll willingly stop using those foul words."

"That's all I ask," I said, opening my eyes and swiftly draping my arm over her shoulders. She leaned into my side and wrapped an arm around my back, curling her fingers around my toned waist. If I remember correctly, this is the first time in years that I've walked into school with a smile on my face.

***

Fortunately, gym passed by quickly. Someone threw the basketball at the back of my head when I wasn't paying attention and it knocked my lights out for a few really long seconds. I now I have a splitting headache. I rubbed my temples as I leaned against the Integra's passenger side door. Wondering where my best friend was, my eyes scanned the parking lot. They stopped when Bella's figure strolled out of the school. She looked concentrated when she flipped her phone open, gazed down at it for a while, and twirled it shut as she headed towards her car. My eyes followed her as they willed her to glance at me. I chuckled to myself as I thought if I stared long enough she might feel it. Suddenly, her brow furrowed and her head snapped up towards me as she unlocked her car door. Holy shit, did it work? I stared at Bella with wide eyes and a slacked jaw. She shot me a weird but amusing glance before climbing into her car and driving away. I shook my head and literally slapped myself. I probably looked like an idiot standing there staring after her car.

The sudden click of the Integra's doors unlocking behind me broke me out of my mental impasse. I opened the door at the same time as Jason and we both clambered in. "You alright, Eddie?" He asked, shoving the key into the ignition and at the same time turning the locks.

We where already racing out of the lot, swerving in between and passed other vehicles. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little headache from when that ball hit me."

"I can imagine," Jason mumbled, as he momentarily drove with his knees to plug his I-pod into the plug-in. "You should take some pain killers and take a nap when we get home…might rid the ache."

I nodded and pursed my lips as Automatic by Tokio Hotel blasted through the speakers around the car. I motioned for Jason to lower the volume on the music slightly but he just put it on pause and looked away from the windshield to glance at me. "What?"

"Do you mind lowering the volume a little bit? Headache, remember?"

He unplugged his I-pod and rested it on his lap, "sorry, Ed."

"It's all right," I shrugged, "by the way, what are you and Bella not telling me? She won't budge."

"What are you talking about? We're not not telling you anything."

Knowing that he wouldn't budge as well, I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest like an overdramatic toddler. We remained in a comfortable silence the entire ride to Jason's.

Upon entering his house, I had walked into his kitchen and downed two Aspirin with half a cup of water. When I had emptied the glass fully, I set it down by the sink and headed towards the guest room. By now, my headache was a full blown migraine and the slightest of noises would be like metal slamming together in my ear drum. As soon as I reached the room, I shut the door quietly behind me and flung my jacket and bag off of my body. I slid myself over the covers robotically and buried my aching head in the crook of my arm over the pillow.

***

I could hear my name being called out in the distance, Edward…Ed…"Edward!" I shot up out of bed like a spring, my arms rising defensively in front of my body. "Relax relax, it's just me. Get your ass out of bed, it's almost seven and we're going out."

I rubbed my eyes before situating them on Jason standing in front of my face, "What? Seven at night?"

"No, in the morning." He replied with a hint of sarcasm on his tongue. "Yes its seven at night! Now get your ass up, go wash your face and let's go!"

"Where the hell are we going in such a rush?" I asked groggily, throwing my legs over the side of the bed.

Jason strolled out of the room and replied over his shoulder, "out."

I groaned and rolled my eyes, at least my headache was gone. The day I can actually get some sleep though, he makes me wake up. I swear, if I end up with insomnia, I'm blaming him. I made my way to the bathroom and quickly washed my face and teeth. As soon as I was finished and had grabbed my jacket, Jason and Kathy where practically dragging me out of the house. "She's coming with us?" I asked as we all climbed into car.

"Yeah, why you don't want me to go?" Kathy asked sadly, leaning forward to place her head beside the passenger side headrest.

I twisted my neck to look at her, "of course that's not it, Kathy. I was just wondering because the places Jay and I go to aren't usually…places for fourteen year olds to go to. And you usually go out with your friends or stay home with your parents."

"Well, mom and dad went out to dinner and I didn't want to stay home alone in this…vicinity."

"I see."

"Kathers, lean back and put on your seat belt." Jason demanded as he flung his arm up near me. He paused for a second and dropped his arm, which I realized he was just putting behind the back of my seat so he could see out of the rear window to back out of the driveway. "Katherine."

"What, Jason? You nag me so damn much; gosh you're worse than mom." Katherine complained from the backseat.

Jason scoffed, "I don't care, put on your seatbelt."

"But you're not even wearing yours!"

"Don't worry about me, worry about yourself and put on your damn seatbelt."

I could hear Katherine in the back seat tugging on the strap of the belt. Once the click was made, Jason stomped on the accelerator and we lurched forward down the street. We drove in a tense silence until I couldn't stand it any longer. "Okay, really where are we going?"

Jason shrugged, "You'll see in about three seconds."

Before I could reply, we entered Bella's neighborhood. "We're going to Bella's?"

Jason just grinned mischievously and came to a screechy halt in front of the beautiful white mansion. We climbed out of the car and I shut the passenger side door after Kathy got out. I leaned down to her height and whispered in her ear, "Do you know what we're doing here?"

She just flashed me an identical grin to Jason's and followed her brother. When we reached the porch, Jason pounded on the door vigorously with his knuckles. The door swung open and I had to squint my eyes to see that it was Carlisle standing there in the dark front room. He stepped aside and allowed us to walk in.

The lights instantly flickered on all around us and what came next made me leap out of my skin. "Surprise! Happy birthday, Edward!"

I stood there in utter shock; I could feel all the blood draining from my face as I gawked at the sight before me. The long couch and the love seat where pushed back against the farthest wall and standing there, beneath a banner and decorations, where people that looked rather strange standing side by side. Bella's family, Jason's parents and even the Hale's where there, who I didn't really know. My jaw shut with an audible snap as my head spun to gape at Jason. "It's not my birthday!" I hissed quietly.

I could hear Emmett's booming laugh in the background as Jason responded. "You didn't really think I was going to forget your birthday now, right?"

"But its not!" I fished my phone out of my pocket with trembling fingers and looked at the date on the bright screen. June 20th. Shit, I forgot my own birthday.

I glanced up slowly from my phone and let out a nervous chuckle. They all laughed in unison and walked up to me, "Congratulations, sweetie," Mrs. Cooper said softly, stuffing an envelope into my jacket pocket.

"Happy birthday, big brother!" Katherine screeched, handing me a small gift bag and flinging her arms around my waist tightly. As soon as she released me I was bombarded with one armed hugs and shoulder pats from everyone. I thanked them all and Jason turned towards me.

"Happy birthday, bro," He said sincerely, squeezing my shoulder firmly and thumping his forehead against mine. I nodded at him and grinned.

I sighed and noticed Bella standing at my right from my peripheral vision. I turned towards her and leaned forward to place my lips against her forehead. But her hand shot up between us causing me to stop in the middle of my movement. There, dangling from her index finger, where a pair of keys. I eyed them warily and shot her a curious glance. "Keys?"

She shrugged nonchalantly but I could practically feel the excitement radiating off of her. "Go outside."

"Um, okay," I did as I was told and followed her out of the house. Once we stepped outside she turned on the lights and stalked up to the covered vehicle closest to us. She tugged off the cover and dropped the keys in my hand. Parked there in all its glory was a silver Volvo C30.

"Happy birthday, Edward," she whispered huskily into my ear before placing a soft peck on my cheek.

My eyebrows pulled together in concentration as I stuttered out a reply. "I-I can't accept this."

"Yes you can, and you will." She said matter-of-factly.

I turned to her and shot her an exasperated look. "You bought me a car, Bella. I'm not accepting this."

She raised her eyebrows at me and tapped my nose with her finger, "actually, we spent no money on it whatsoever. Uncle Carlisle was dying for a new Mercedes so he bought one yesterday afternoon. He didn't know what to do with the Volvo until Jason told me this morning that you've wanted one for god knows how long. So, I had a little idea. I called my uncle and asked him if we could give it to you as a gift, and he was completely fine with it. More than fine actually, he said that he couldn't think of a better person to give it to."

I let out a gust of air that I didn't realize I had been holding. "Well, it does have really nice rims."

Bella shrieked in delight and threw her arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist and spun her around in a circle. "Thank you, Bella. For this, for everything." I whispered into her hair lovingly.

"So I guess he took that rather well?" I heard Carlisle's voice behind us near the front door.

I placed Bella back on her feet before turning around to face Carlisle. "He was a little skeptical at first, but I convinced him." she beamed.

I grinned widely and walked up to Carlisle, sticking my arm out to shake his hand. Instead, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around my shoulders in a fatherly gesture. I tensed immediately, but gulped and tried to relax. We leaned away from each other and I stared at him straight in the eye. "This means so much, Carlisle. Thank you."

He nodded, "there's no need to thank me, happy birthday."

The three of us walked into the house and mingled with the guests. Jason and Alice sought out a good CD to blare out of the speakers so that whoever wanted to dance could. Considering the fact that most of the guests where adults, it was just the people under the age of thirty swaying to the music in the center of the living room. I poured myself a cup of water and sat at the end of the long couch with Bella. "Enjoying yourself?"

"Very much, thank you," I replied, kissing her temple softly.

"No problem, but most of the credit goes to Jason, he was the mastermind behind all of this."

I laughed, "Figures."

A comfortable silence wafted around Bella and me until she snuggled into my side and her sweet voice encompassed the space between us. "There's one thing I have to ask though, I told Jason to invite your father. Why didn't he show up?"

My jaw clenched at the mention of him. Bella wanted Stephen here? Or maybe she wanted my real father here? She probably thinks Stephen's my actual father since I never told her that my real one left when I was only a child.

I let out a shaky breath, "Bella, there's something that I need to tell you."

**O: CLIFFY! What's Edward going to tell Bella about his father?**

**The truth about his real father leaving him?**

**Is he going to lie and tell her that Stephen's his biological one?**

**Or is he going to spill the beans about the abuse?**

**Leave me your responses and tell me if you think any of those will happen...even if you think none of them will. So, stay tuned until next time with, Barely Beating! Ahaha I thought of the Powerpuff girls XD Kay, sorry, a little hyper over here.**

**Anyways, he got his Volvo, Carlisle's so nice. And Jason's so fucking adorable. I love him ^.^ I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reading so far.**

**REVIEW if you want more! Let's pass nine…again? :D**

**Thank you **

**Lori**


	15. to lose my life

**A/N READ: Hello readers, my computer exploded. Well no, it didn't explode. It just made a -waainaaaa- noise after I posted this chapter up yesterday and then I went to check if got posted and the chapter wasn't there. Though I did get a few alerts for the story, it just won't show up on my computer so I got paranoid. I was like 0.o It was incredibly weird. So I am soo sorry if this chapter has been repeatedly blowing up your e-mail. So guys, work with me here and don't hate me just ignore it if you already read the chapter. Thank you all. Don't hate me, please :) Over and out. Enjoy.**

Bella's brow furrowed worriedly, "what is it?"

What is it? Her question went through my mind, bouncing throughout my brain erratically. Images of my father, Edward Sr., flooded behind my eyes. The way I would run into his awaiting outstretched arms when I was younger. The way he'd fling me over his shoulder and twirl us until we where on the floor laughing uncontrollably. Thinking of him was, if feasible, more agonizing than reflecting on my mother. I at least knew that my mother loved me and cared for my well being, but as for my father, I'm not so sure. I'd be lying if I said that he did care for me at a point in his life. It could have all been some crude façade kept up to make us, or just my mother, content.

I could feel the hot tears stinging the inside of my eyelids. I blinked feverishly and inconspicuously ran a hand across my eyes, brushing away the escaped tears. I glanced down at Bella to see that she was watching me with concern set deep within her chocolate eyes. She nudged me lightly with her shoulder, expecting a response. "Edward, what's wrong?"

I didn't get through the tears unnoticed. I didn't trust myself to speak yet so I cleared my throat roughly. "I live with my step father."

"You do? Then why couldn't…" She trailed off unconsciously. It felt as if her penetrating stare would bore holes into my face at any given moment.

I swallowed the knot in my throat and tried to keep my explanations as blunt as possible. "My real father left my mother and me when I was nine. She remarried soon after."

Bella let out a low gasp. "I'm sorry Edward, I didn't know. I shouldn't have asked."

"Don't apologize for that," I said with a shake of my head. "I looked up to him for those nine years of my life. He was the freest, most licentious man I'd ever known, I wanted to grow up and be just like him."

Bella caught her bottom lip between her teeth and glanced down at our intertwined hands in her lap. If I wasn't seated in such close proximity to her I most likely wouldn't have heard the next question that escaped her lips. "Why did he leave you?"

I took a deep shuddering breath and followed her gaze onto our linked hands. "I don't know. Those are one of the questions I've been wondering since the day he left. Was my mother's love for him not enough? Was I not the son he dreamed of? Where we just not a good enough family for him?" I bit down on my tongue and forced myself to be quiet. Ramming my eyes closed, I attempted to push the memories of the moment he fled away from my thoughts, but to no avail.

Feeling Bella's warm palm on my cheek, my emerald eyes fluttered open to be met with her brown ones. They where overflowing with a veiled curiosity and an unforeseen anger. "Don't even think that way. Don't blame yourself for something you're not at fault for. His leaving wasn't your liability. You where nine, what's the worst thing you could've done? Eaten all of the cookies before dinner was served? No. So don't you even think that way."

I chuckled despite myself and traced the contours of her hand that still rested on my cheek. "I value what you're trying to say, Bella. But I could've been a bad son for him. He could have had better."

Bella gaped at me incredulously. "What the fuck, Edward-"

"Languag-"

"_Don't_ interrupt me. Explain to me how you could have been a bad son at _nine_ years old? That's just not possible being you. In spite of the fact that many people think you're not safe to be around or that you're just not civilized, they've got it completely backwards. You're incredibly polite to your elders and every one else even if they are total douche bags. You don't deserve a violent and angry filled life like the one you're living now. You didn't deserve your father leaving you." She ended vehemently.

Her words had me. They where released like a whip, stinging, ripping, and slicing at my heart.

My mouth opened without demand but no sound escaped. It shut almost instantly because I couldn't find the words to reply. "Hey you two love birds, it's getting late and…shit, I'm interrupting something again, aren't I?" Jason's inquiry flew right over my head as I stared down at Bella.

She licked her lips before turning away from me to look at Jason. "No its fine, Jason. What where you saying?"

I could feel his eyes on my face as mines remained glued to Bella's head. "Uh, that it's getting a little late and we're all going to start heading home now."

"Oh, well you guys wouldn't want to stay for a bit longer? You know you're all welcome here for as long as you'd like." Bella replied genuinely.

I finally averted my gaze on Bella to look at Jason. He shrugged and gave a wave of his hand. "You're such a damn sweetheart, Bells. Thanks for the offer, but I think the 'rents have had enough for one night."

"True that." Bella nodded.

"But maybe, since Eddie here has a car now, he can leave a little later if you'd like." He winked before turning and walking back towards the rest of the party.

Bella turned towards me then, inquisitions and worry running through her eyes before a bright smile flashed upon her face, erasing all remnants of previous distress. "So, what do you think of that proposition?"

I finally found the voice to respond, "Of what?"

"Of staying over a while longer, I don't think Uncle Carlisle or Esme would mind." She shrugged, playing with my fingers around hers.

I just nodded and stood up from the couch, pulling her up with me. We walked towards everyone and they all wished me a happy birthday again, before stepping out of the house. Soon enough, it was just Emmett, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, Bella and I standing in the living room. "Uncle Carlisle, you wouldn't mind if Edward stayed over a little longer, right?" Bella asked him hopefully.

Carlisle eyed the both of us warily, before his eyebrows shot up and he pointed a finger at Bella. "Only if you both behave yourselves."

Bella nodded and smiled, "Always."

"All right then you can stay, Edward." Carlisle smacked my shoulder before disappearing into the kitchen.

Subsequent to cleaning and tidying things up in the living room, I found myself lying horizontally on the long black couch with Bella's body pressed against mine. With her head resting carelessly on my chest, and my arm supporting her body beneath her shoulders, I reached out with my opposite arm and gently twirled strands of her hair amid my fingers. Feeling her body along every line of mine was utter bliss. I felt at home with her.

I understand what she meant when she said that I wasn't at fault for my father's departure. But what else could it have been? My mother was perfect. She was sweet, gentle, and caring for everyone, especially my father. You could always see the love in her eyes when she looked at him and vice versa. They would stare at each other as if they where the only ones on the planet. But then that would all disappear when they saw me, they'd snap back to reality and realize they had to care for me as well. How could I not believe that I'm not to blame? Was I just a burden meddling between their love? Between their lives? Most probably. Perhaps I was a mistake. Maybe they wanted a girl?

"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked softly, breaking me out of my reverie.

I lowered my head slightly to reach the crown of her head with my lips. "What you told me before."

"And don't I verify a good point?"

"Yeah, I suppose so." I answered untruthfully. I didn't feel like bickering with her anymore. This moment was too sweet, too magical, to wreck.

I could feel her body shaking with light laughter. Her laughter was contagious because I felt myself shaking with sniggers soon after as well. "Why are you laughing, Bella?"

"Why are _you_ laughing?"

"Because you're laughing." I chuckled.

She shrugged, "I don't know I just thought of something funny."

"And that was?"

"Nope," she replied giddily, popping the 'P'.

My brow furrowed, "you where thinking of the word _nope_?

"No silly, I meant nope as in I'm not going to tell you."

I rolled my eyes and felt her body shiver as my hand ran down her arm unconsciously. She sighed and snuggled deeper against my side, burying her head in the crook of my neck. Her warm breath was hitting my collar in even puffs until I suddenly felt it accelerate considerably. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"How did you know I was about to say something?" She asked, draping one of her arms across my torso.

I shrugged, "you're breathing sped up. I figured you where nervous about something."

"More so curious than nervous. Do you ever think of her? Your mother I mean?" She asked sympathetically.

I closed my eyes and allowed my mother's face to encompass my thoughts, "all the time."

"What she was like?"

"She was wonderful," I smiled inwardly. "She was the best cook I'd ever met. She was always smiling even if she was caught up with something. Her heart was so big and open to anyone who entered her life. She found good in everyone, even if they where totally screwed up. I loved her and still do. I loved her more than you can ever know." I ended in a monotone voice.

"She loved you too you know. The way you speak of her, makes me realize that it wasn't just one way."

I nodded, "I know she did."

Bella sighed and I could feel her squirm uncomfortably beside me. "Is there anything else you'd like to ask me? Because if there's not then I think you have some ants in your pants."

Bella chuckled, "Very funny. And yeah there's something else that I want to ask…what's your step father like?"

I instantly stiffened. By back went ramrod straight and my jaw clenched with an audible snap. Rage flared within my every vein, within my every blood cell. Giant black dots filled my vision and I had to blink them away. "Let's just say that Stephen…can't tell apart from what's right and wrong."

Bella's following words made me believe that she could feel my animosity towards him. "You don't like speaking of him much do you?"

"No." I replied in a tight voice.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

I shook my head. "I promise that I'll tell you some other time."

"Okay." A comfortable silence filled the room and I began to reminisce on the recent events. I finally got rid of Stephen. After living through hell over and over again, I'm finally free of him. I'm with someone wonderful. Someone I can trust and who won't judge me for anything I do. I couldn't have created anyone better than Bella for me. She's more than I deserve, she's more than just good. She's perfect. I glanced down at her snuggled body and saw her eyes closed and a small smile playing along her lips. "Bella?"

No response. Without thinking, I gently removed my body from beneath hers without jostling her, and swept her sleeping form in my arms. I held her close and kissed her forehead before carrying her up the stairs.

I easily balanced her body with one arm to open her bedroom door with the other. I gently placed her on the bed and moved down to her feet, swiftly removing her converse and placing them in her closet. I turned back to my angel and gazed down at her before tucking her in beneath the covers. I leaned down and pressed my lips to her forehead for the last time that night and turned to walk away. The moment I reached the door, Bella's beautiful voice reached my ears. "Edward?"

I walked back towards her and stood beside her bed, placing a hand against her cheek. Her half open eyes where groggy and filled with sleep. "Shh Bella, go back to sleep. It's passed one in the morning; I'm going to head out."

"Please stay." My heart exploded in euphoria.

I grinned, "I don't think Carlisle and Esme would be fine with that."

"What they don't know won't hurt them." She whispered.

Willingly doing as I was told, I kicked off my vans, threw off my jacket and placed all the contents in my pockets on her night stand. She scooted over to the far side of the bed to give me room. I slipped beneath the covers and snaked my arm around Bella's waist, sliding her body against mine. She was turned around so that my chest was pressed against her back. I lay my head right behind hers, smelling the wonderful freesia scent of her silky hair. Mindlessly humming the tune I'd created the first night I kissed Bella, I put us both to sleep.

_Heavy rain pounded against my shoulders and on the mucky Earth beneath my feet. Keith stood near the rear of a green and brown surrounded clearing with a soaked Bella in a choke hold. Her feet barely touched the ground and I could see the veins protruding beneath her skin on her face and beneath Keith's fingers. His face was vile and masochistic with joy in causing her pain. I tried to run to her but my feet wouldn't budge. My body wouldn't move. I was frozen. Suddenly I became aware of more than one life form in front of Keith and Bella. Jason was standing there, staring at Stephen. Stephen was holding a gun to my best friends head. I could feel the angry tears welling up behind my eyelids. "Stephen, you don't want to do this." Jason choked._

"_Who says I don't?" My step father scoffed. "And plus, I'm doing this as a favor." _

_Stephen suddenly glanced back towards Keith and then his head twisted and he met my gaze. A wicked grin fell upon his hideous face as he saw my frightened, pleading expression. I could hear heart wrenching cries meshing with the sound of rain around us. I noticed two other figures lying by Jason's feet. My eyes zeroed in on Landon's lifeless form and Kathy's sobbing body. She held her head in her hands as she hovered over his chest. She was crying over his death._

"_A favor to whom?" Jason finally choked out. My eyes instantly flitted to his face and he was enraged. His fists where clenched at his sides and he was seething. His neck was tight with its bulging tendons. _

_Stephen grinned deviously and slowly turned his head to face me. "To him."_

_Besides the fact that Jason was begin held at gunpoint, his head snapped towards me and they where frozen pools of sapphire. "Edward would never."_

"_Oh really? He's the one that planned all of this. He told Keith to tell me to have you killed. He was tired of having you in his worthless little life." Stephen spat._

_My voice was inaudible. I couldn't control or move my lips. My eyes where pleading with Jason. Trying to make him understand that I had nothing to do with this. But he crumpled. His hands unclenched and he stared me right in the eye. His expression was pained; he believed that his best friend had betrayed him. No, Jay. No._

_Bella's whimpers heightened and they surpassed every other noise. "Jason, no don't believe him! Edward would neve-"_

_But she let out a gasp and her voice was abruptly cut off by Keith's hands tightening around her lean neck. A growl bubbled up my chest and escaped my closed lips. It seeped through my chest and reached their ears. "Not liking this very much are you, son?" Stephen snickered. I gritted my teeth in frustration. This insanity's going to drive me mad. Jason gradually shot a glance at Bella and then faced Stephen. He turned his body around so that the barrel of the gun was pressed against the center of his forehead. I saw a tear escape his recently closed eyes as his shoulders slumped forward in defeat. No. Fuck no. Stephen sneered and his finger inched towards the trigger. Jason, fight! Please, Jay, don't just stand there._

_A loud shot rang out around us and everything moved exaggeratingly slow. Jason fell to his knees and toppled onto the ground. His eyes where lifeless and dead. There was slight smoke emitting from the tip of the gun, blending in with the heavy rain. My pulse pounded feverishly behind my ears as Katherine's screams grew louder and louder. I gaped down at my dead best friend. His eyes where on me and I would never forget that sight. It would haunt me, like my mother's death. All of a sudden, my legs moved. I unlocked and barricaded towards Stephen. My body collided against his and we fell towards the ground. I pinned him down with my legs and pried his fingers from around the pistol. I collected it in my trembling hands and rose to my feet, pointing the gun at Stephen's head. The way he held it up to Jason's. "Edward, son, don't do this."_

"_Don't fucking tell me what to do! You're not my father." I replied with ferocity behind my words._

_He raised his hands in submission, "I took care of you when your father left. I cared for you when your mother died." _

"_That's what you call taking care of someone? Shut up or I swear to God I'll pull this trigger right now." I threatened._

"_Let's be reasonable, Edward. You know you wanted your friend gone. You know he was just getting in your way."_

_Confusion blazed inside of me, "in my way of what?! He was one of the best people I had ever met and you took him away." I declared. The aggression in my voice had somewhat subsided._

"_In the way of everything." _

_And I pulled the trigger._

_Without a second glance at my deceased step father, I turned towards a shocked Keith holding up an almost unconscious Bella. I was fire and Keith was my burning point. I held the gun up to him and cocked it slowly. He instantly shifted his position, blocking my line of sight to him and so that Bella was situated in front of him. I've had previous training; I can aim and pull a trigger impeccably. I discreetly let my hands guide the pistol towards a visible spot on Keith's body. I pulled the trigger a second time without the consent from my thoughts._

_But at the last moment, Keith moved slightly, causing the bullet to plunge deeply into Bella's chest._

"No!" My torso shot up out of bed and I was panting. I was panting for air that wouldn't reach my lungs. I reached towards the night table near my bed but realized that this wasn't my room or the guest room in Jason's house. Panicking, my eyes shot around the room frantically and I remembered where I was.

"Edward…Edward, what happened? Are you okay?" Bella's voice was laced with worry as she scrambled her body towards mine and placed a hand on my shoulder.

My ragged breathing remained the same and I raked my hands through my hair, whilst wrapping my arms around my head, and situating my head between my knees. I mumbled incoherent things to myself. Things that might calm me down. How could that ever happen? I would never accidentally shoot Bella, let alone have a gun anywhere near her.

_Jason_. A sob bubbled up my throat and escaped my lips. I was dry heaving and sobs continued to wrack throughout my body violently. Fuck my life; I was falling apart in front of my girlfriend. Calling Bella my girlfriend sounded unusual. It sounded unusual because the feelings I have when I'm with her are just mind-blowing and the word 'girlfriend' doesn't seem to be enough for her.

"Edward…" Bella's distressing voice broke me from my mental rating. I allowed her when she removed my arms from around my head and pushed me back down onto the soft mattress. I allowed her to cuddle up in my shirt and wrap her arms around my shaking chest. And I allowed her to put my arms around her as I burrowed my face into her smooth hair.

Once my sobs had died down and I was finally breathing normally, she felt it was safe to speak. "What happened, Edward?"

"Nothing, love." I replied in a tone that deceived me. She saw through my lie easily.

Bella sighed and shifted higher, laying her head on the pillow beneath my head to be face to face. "Tell me, please."

I gazed at her tear filled eyes and knew that she was like my mother. She had a heart for others even if they didn't deserve it. "I had a nightmare."

"Tell me about it."

I shook my head and bit my lip. My brow furrowed and I released one of my hands from around her waist to run it over her face and hair. "I can't."

Bella's eyes drooped shut for a moment and when they reopened they where filled with dejection. "Why can't you?"

"Because I just…I just can't. I'm so sorry."

Bella sighed and we stared at each other. She looked more so hurt than angry. But then comprehension filled her eyes and she gave me a sad smile. "I guess there are just some things that you're not ready to tell me yet. I get it, Edward. I have to earn your trust."

"No, Bella that's not it. I do trust you, hell I trust you with my life. But this….this is something that I don't share with anyone. As stupid as it may sound, whenever I have a nightmare, its mine. For me and my thoughts alone. I'm sorry if I sound like a lunatic, but you have to understand that." I replied softly.

She nodded and her eyes shot to my lips for a split second then back to my eyes. I smiled and leaned into her face, placing my lips gently upon hers. We wove our hands into each other's hair as we felt the softness in each others lips. My teeth grazed her bottom lip dangerously as our feet tangled together within the comforter. We fell asleep once more soon after. But this time, it was dreamless.

**Done. Sorry for the long no update, I wasn't feeling it last weekend xD and hmmm, I wasn't quite satisfied with the amount of reviews for my previous. Don't get me wrong, I love you all, and thank you so much to those that did review. But I'm a selfish bitch ahahaha XD No just playing, I just wouldn't mind more. Because I love hearing what you guys think on a chapter. Good or bad :)**

**Uh oh, Edward had a nightmare 0.0 a weird one at that. Jason died, Landon died, Bella died, Stephen died…but no one cares about him so it's okay. Do you think the dream has a meaning? Is it trying to tell Edward something? Who knows??...Oh yeah, I do xP **

**Anyway, poor Eddie. Rough chapter for that home boy. And Bella trying to cooperate with his depressed ass xD ahaa.**

**Jason! Don't you all just love him? He's so adorable. I might have him included even more from now on. He's so awesome c: **

**Anyways, thank you all so much for sticking with my story so far. You guys rock, and I hope you carry on enjoying! REVIEW IF YOU WANT MORE!**

**You all no the drill, review and I update. No review then no update :] *grins***

**Let's pass eight? Because more than eight would make me update sooner than I'd planned. But after Christmas of course. Oh yeah, MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

**Okay, I'm rambling. Bye guys, talk to ya'll next time. Review.**

**Thank you**

**Lori**


	16. ghosts with just voices

The primary thing that my senses became aware of when I awoke was a heady floral aroma and nuzzling warmth radiating from my chest. The spongy mattress beneath me felt oddly reassuring. Resembling a place where you'd go to if you desired to be unaccompanied. Like a place that you'd go to just get away from the rest of the distraught population. I sighed silently and my bleary eyes opened. Bella's serene face was the first thing that my eyes fell upon. Her silky disheveled hair lying like a blanket over her fluffy pillow, the diminutive but even rise and fall of her chest, the adoring smile she wore, where all equally captivating. I leisurely reached my arm up and ran my thumb lightly along her scar and then swiftly beneath her eyes. The indentations below her eyes where noticeably dark, darker than usual. A pang of guilt assaulted me then, my lack of typical sleeping habits probably kept her up last night.

I was so immersed in my thoughts that I hardly noticed Bella's eyes fluttering open. They where horizontal slits and it made her look outrageously endearing. Her eyes drooped shut again and a low purr escaped her as her flat fingers against my chest curled into fists around my t-shirt. She wriggled her petite body closer to mine so that her head was positioned beneath my chin. I reflexively wrapped my arms around her curvy waist and pressed every line of my body against every line of hers. Even after restless hours of slumber, her breath was delectable and hitting my neck softly. "Good morning, love."

Another purr emitted from her body and I had to bite down on my tongue to hold back the low groan that threatened to pathetically escape my throat. I felt her lips against my throat and I almost passed out from the sensation. There was a specific spot, around my jugular and above my collar bone that could literally drive me senseless. If her lips fell upon it, or if anything by just sheer contact touched me there, it could make everything in my eyes obscure in a matter of seconds. Bella was now coaxing my self control, if she where to just twitch her lips slightly to the left, she'd come in contact.

And of course, she did. I couldn't cut back the moan that escaped my throat when her delicate lips tickled the area above my collar bone. The moan was guttural and ridiculously loud. Not loud enough to reach her family's ears, but it definitely won't fly by Bella unnoticed. I buried my face in the soft pillow beneath my head as a rushed tremor of pleasure scurried down my spine. Once I felt that I wouldn't abruptly let out embarrassing noises I turned my head away from the pillow to face a perplexed looking Bella. "What the hell just happened to you?"

I could feel the heat instantly rising from my chest and up to every inch of my face. Oh fuck, I'm _blushing_. Removing my arms from around Bella, I reached up and concealed my face with my arms, hoping that she hadn't notice the red escalating from my neck. I had disregarded her question and silently prayed for her to drop the previous moments. But of course, my prayers are always overlooked no matter my wishes. "Edward, are you blushing?"

"No," I mumbled from behind my arms like a two year old.

I could feel Bella's light laughter shaking the bed underneath us. Her warm hands where then removed from my shirt and wrapped around my wrists, tugging my arms away from my face. My eyes averted her gaze and stared at the skin between her eyebrows. "Aw, you're so cute when you're embarrassed."

My eyes shot towards her in disbelief. "I'm _cute_?" How fucking ridiculous. I am not cute. That word is used to describe teddy bears and puppies, not a violent, murderous being like myself. But then again, I think the way Bella's face pinches up when she's confused is cute. That's completely different though because she's a woman. I'm a man, that word should never be used to depict a person like me. My internal battle was cut short though when Bella's hand ran down my chest and rested against my abdomen. Bella's eyes where sparkling when she responded, "yes, you are very cute. Now, stop trying to change the subject and tell me what the hell just happened to you. You literally shivered." It wasn't hard at all to perceive that Bella was trying to fight against a smile.

Much to my dismay, I pouted. "Go ahead and laugh all you want. I won't tell you if you keep that up."

She was immediately serious. Every part of her face masked in vigilance. I pursed my lips and stared at her uncomfortably. "I have a certain spot on my neck that if someone touches it, I sort of…I kind of…"

"You sort of…you kind of…?" She mimicked in a question with a smirk laced around the words.

"I don't know, it just feels _really_ good," I breathed, still unable to break her gaze.

Apparently she couldn't hold back the laughter any longer because right as the last word was released from my lips, her entire body was shaking. Though she did manage to gurgle out a few words between chuckles, "t-that's what she s-said!"

My face fell considerably and I playfully glared at her. "Very mature, Bella."

After wiping away the salty tears that escaped the corners of her eyes but before she could speak, three loud raps where heard from her bedroom door. Bella and I where alert and tense along side each other. "Bella, you awake?" The midget's tinkling voice called from behind the wood.

Without thinking, I shot out of the bed, kicked my shoes and jacket underneath the bed and bolted head long into the closet. I sunk my body backwards against Bella's soft clothing, taking in the strong scent of freesia. It was overpoweringly intoxicating in here. Through the horizontal gaps in the closet doors I could see Bella hastily flinging my phone, wallet and other pocket contents into the drawer in her night stand.

"U-h yeah Alice, come in." Bella's voice was edgy as she scrambled underneath the covers to appear as if she'd recently woken up.

Still peeking between the gaps, I saw Alice's lithe figure appear at the foot of Bella's bed. "Morning Bells, just wanted to let you know that I'm spending the day and practically the entire weekend with Jazzy, so maybe you can call up Edward and see if he's up to hanging with you today? But you can always just spend the day relaxing at home since it is a four day weekend."

It completely slipped my mind that it was a long weekend. It didn't even occur to me to check the time this morning. Being with Bella can make anyone awfully forgetful. "Oh yeah, sure that's a great idea. Let me take a shower and then I'll call him and see if he wants to hang out." Bella replied through the comforter covering half of her face.

Alice clapped her tiny hands in delight. "Alright then, have fun today and tell Edward I say hi when you see him."

As Alice turned around to leave the room, her eyes scanned the closet doors warily and I can almost swear that we made eye contact. Her head turned away from me with a knowing glint in her eye and she danced out of the room, shutting the door behind her. What the fuck? She couldn't have possibly known that I was in here.

I cautiously exited the closet door, verifying that Alice wasn't going to arbitrarily barge in here and catch me. Once I sensed that she was out of hearing range, I made my way back to Bella's bed and slid under the covers, hovering over her with my forearms to support my weight on either side of her head. I straddled her waist with my legs and gazed down at her in awe. "You are one lucky girl you know that?"

Bella nodded as she stared intently at my mouth. I chuckled as my lips finally met hers. Our lips moved together gently and flawlessly until I ever so lightly traced her bottom one with my tongue, asking for entrance. She eagerly obeyed and my tongue gradually surpassed her lips, battling hers and seeking dominance. After she willingly succumbed to me I gently pulled away from her and slowly left a trail of kisses down her jaw and neck. She moaned gratifyingly and I rolled us over so that she was now positioned above me. I clasped my hands on either side of her waist and felt her warm skin tingle my fingertips as my teeth slowly grazed her shoulder. I'm not exactly sure how she'd ended up in a tank top from a hoodie last night but I'm sure as hell glad that she did because then I wouldn't have caught the ink staining her left hip.

I unhurriedly removed my lips from her skin and just stared at the section of her exposed waist. I would never have guessed Bella to be one to get inked, atop a very prominent hip bone at that. "Bella, is that a tattoo?"

Bella's body stiffened above mine. I could practically feel her angst. She slid off of my body and somehow landed seated and cross-legged. She laid her hands in her lap and then met my gaze, "Yes."

"Can I see it?" For some peculiar reason it felt rather strange in asking her to see the tattoo. It felt as awkward as it would feel for me to ask her to remove her clothes.

"Um, sure…" She said quietly whilst biting down on her lower lip and leaning over to the right to raising her tank top slightly.

Holy fucking shit, she really does have a tattoo. And it's not anywhere near one of those silly tramp stamps, it's actually, for lack of better word, beautiful. Filling the hollow by her pelvis was a shaded grey heart. Its perimeter outlined in different tones of grey's a black. Piercing through the top and center was a pitch black dagger, the end tip ripping though the bottom of the heart. The fraction that truly caught my interest though where the burgundy and brown vines, they wrapped around the blade's handles and unevenly curved, weaved, and entwined throughout the heart. The detailed articulate and complicated patterns extended around the side of her waist, almost reaching the middle of her lower back. It was impeccable. "Beautiful," was the only word I could bring to escape my vocal chords.

As soon as I'd spoken, Bella lowered her shirt and dropped her eyes to the mattress, her hair hiding her face from me. Damn it, not with that again. Warmth settled in the pit of my stomach as I remembered that I could finally do something about her veiling her expression from me. Rising to sit on my ass, my hands guided themselves to Bella's head and raked through her hair, revealing her eyes once again. Bella's eyes where open doors to her soul. "Why did you get it?" I questioned her softly, cupping her small face in my palms.

She shrugged, "it links me to Logan."

Now that's an answer I sure as hell wasn't expecting, but I nodded in understanding nonetheless. "When did you get it?"

"Two months after his murder." Her voice was flat, monotone and void of all emotion.

Not wanting to push her any further, I closed the distance between us and placed my lips upon hers softly. Instead of encouraging and mimicking my movements she backed away and disentangled my hands from her hair. She rose to her feet and stretched. "I'm going to go take a quick shower, you can chill here until I finish."

I nodded but furrowed my eyebrows in concern. She seemed completely zoned out and out of it, deeply lost somewhere in those thoughts of hers. Bella grabbed a bag of toiletries from her dresser and ambled into her bathroom, slamming the door shut after she'd stepped inside. Once I heard the shower head turn on, I slumped back against the headboard and reached over towards the night stand to collect my phone from the compartment. I fiddled with my phone between my fingers as my thoughts involuntarily shifted towards Bella, in the shower, with crystal clear water droplets running down her nake…_down boy_.

I shook my head fiercely. Now is definitely not the time to be having fantasies about her. Bella's too good to be thought of in such a way. Flipping my phone open, I scrolled through my contacts and dialed Jason's number.

It rang a few times before a muffled voice answered, "what?"

"Morning sunshine!" I yelled merrily into the phone, loud enough to pop his eardrum but not loud enough for the rest of Bella's house to hear.

I could picture Jason holding the phone away from his ear, "what the fuck, Edward. It's ten-thirty in the morning and there's no school. You're interrupting my beauty sleep."

"Beauty my ass," I scoffed into the receiver.

"Hey, my skin is _flawless_," Jason replied seriously. "Anyways, explain to me why you're calling me if you're like two doors away?"

I chuckled, "because I'm _not_ two doors away from you, I'm at Bella's."

"What the hell are you doing over there at this goddamn hour?"

I rolled my eyes and grinned, "I never went to your house last night you dumbass."

"You didn't?" I now had his complete undivided attention.

"No, she wanted me to stay the night, so I did." Remembering my vivid nightmare last night, I winced and ran my free hand across my eyes.

Jason literally screeched into the phone. "Details!"

"Chill, you sound like you've been contaminated my queen bitch, Jessica. She threw up her love for gossip all over you." I snickered.

"Gross, Eddie. She's so fake, it's disgusting," I could hear a distinguished frown in his voice. "But really, what happened?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Jay? I haven't even been with her for an entire week yet, so don't get your tighty whiteys in a bunch. Nothing happened." I clarified before he began yelling.

He scoffed, "You asshole, you know I wear boxers. And oh, well that sure was…chivalrous of you."

"Chivalrous?"

"Very." He said.

I shook my head and ignored his meaning behind that. I scratched the back of my head and stared at the photo of Bella and her brother from across the room. "Dude, have you spoken to Keith and the guys recently?"

"Yeah, I have actually, and we have a brawl tomorrow night. Seven PM, sharp." Jason said bitterly. Apparently I'm not the only one getting drained of this shit.

I let out a deep breath from my nose and bit my lip thoughtfully. "I won't be late."

The shower was then abruptly turned off. Knowing Bella would be back soon I decided to get off of the phone. "Jay, Bella's going to be back soon. Peace, I'll talk to you later."

"Cool, tell Belly I say that her favorite guy says hi." He said.

I rolled my eyes, "sure sure. Tell Kathy I love her and that I'll see her later with you."

We both simultaneously hung up the phone and at perfect timing too because Bella stepped out of her bathroom at that same moment. Wrapped around her thin body was a red towel that reached just below her ass. Edward, look away. Staring is rude, be a gentleman. I reluctantly obeyed my thoughts and averted my eyes to her face. Thankfully, it was even more beautiful. Her translucent skin was glowing and bright, her cheeks slightly flustered and her damp mahogany waves hung loosely past her back and shoulders. She beamed at me with dazzling eyes and turned towards her dresser to pick out her clothes. After picking out the day's attire, she skipped back over to the restroom to change.

I slid down the headboard and bit down on my lip, hard. Fuck, she's going to kill me.

When Bella returned in a pair of dark wash skinnies and a _The Killers _t-shirt, I smiled. Much better. "I love your shirt."

She wiggled her eyebrows playfully as she headed towards her closet, "I knew you would."

I laughed as I watched her sit on the ground and slip on a pair of checkered vans. After making sure they where on securely, she rose from the ground and skipped over to her mirror over the dresser. Snatching a comb out of the top drawer she ran it quickly through her glossy hair and then dumped it back in. I just stared in admiration when she came over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned over me. Her breath was sweet and minty against my parted lips. "So what do you want to do today, Miss Swan?"

"Whatever you want, Mr. Masen. But first and foremost, go take a quick shower. I left you a clean towel and one of our new toothbrushes on the counter."

I smiled warmly at her thoughtfulness. I could definitely use a nice hot shower. Bella slid off of my lap and allowed me to stand. After stretching and popping my bones a bit, I strolled into her massive bathroom.

***

Subsequent to my sizzling shower, I changed back into my previous clothes that Bella had kindly thrown into the dryer as I showered to get all the wrinkles out. I shrugged on my jacket as Bella and I stepped out of her house unseen my Emmett and Esme. Carlisle and Alice weren't present because Carlisle was at the hospital and Alice was with Jasper. As I fished the keys to my new drool worthy Volvo out of my pocket, I halted in the driveway. There where three covered cars and I had no idea which one was mine. Bella walked towards the one at the far right and tossed the cover off and left it in the grass. "You covered it last night?"

"Mhmm," she grinned.

Thankfully she did cover it because if Carlisle would have seen it when he fled the house for work, I don't think he would have believed that I came over at six in the morning. We opened the locks and slid in. The soft leather around me smelled wonderful. I rammed the key into the ignition and felt the purr of the engine beneath me. I relished the sound and backed out of the driveway after making sure Bella had her seatbelt on. "Thank you so much, Bella."

She giggled, "What exactly are you thanking me for?"

"The car," I sighed, staring out of the windshield as I drove down the rode to exit her neighborhood.

She scoffed and gave a wave of her hand, "it was nothing."

I didn't respond as she turned on the radio and flipped through stations mindlessly. She suddenly stopped and gasped, blasting whatever song was playing. "Oh my gosh, I love this song!"

A catchy little tune played as Bella began to suddenly belt out the lyrics with the singer on the radio. Not exactly my preferred type of music but if Bella enjoyed it, I could manage. I couldn't help the smile that spread over my face as I glanced at Bella every so often. Her eyes where closed as she squirmed and sung, no correction screeched, in her seat. I laughed at her throughout the entire song as I drove towards our destination. It finally ended and Bella turned towards me, "hey, don't laugh at me!" she said playfully, whilst smacking my shoulder.

I shifted my position in the driver's seat, grabbing the steering wheel with my left hand and interlacing my fingers amid Bella's with my right to rest them on the armrest between us. "So, what song was that?"

"I look so good by _Jesse James_. How could you have never heard that song?" She asked incredulously.

"I don't know, just never have. But now I don't think I'll ever be able to enjoy after hearing your singing accompaniment." I teased.

She gave my fingers a tight squeeze, "not all of us can have a wonderful voice like you."

I shrugged and didn't respond. I had almost forgotten that Bella had heard me sing before. To be honest, it actually made me feel a little self conscious.

"Where are we going anyway?" She asked curiously.

I grinned, turning into a parking space, "park."

As I stepped out of the vehicle and made my way over to Bella's side, she was literally bouncing in her seat when I opened her door. I grabbed her hand and held it firmly in mine, feeling her warmth seep into my cold hand. We entered the park and caught sight of the bright foliage and child play around us. Walking in a comfortable silence through the grass, I kept my eyes on the numerous kites floating overhead. I used to fly kites when I was younger; I had one shaped like a lion. I never knew that those even existed but it did and it was awesome. Breathing in the fresh air, I glanced at Bella and saw her staring at me. "What're you staring at?"

"What're _you_ staring at?" She asked cheekily.

"You," I leaned in and kissed her temple softly. Her face flushed considerably as I leaned away and she turned away to look at an ice cream stand a few feet away. "Are you hungry?"

"A little," she mused.

"Then let's go get some ice cream." I veered us off towards the stand and ordered her a strawberry cone.

Bella stared at my empty hands as we walked towards an unoccupied bench and sat down, "you're not getting one? They're free."

"Nah, I'm okay. I'll have a bit of yours if anything." I said, licking my lips.

She rolled her eyes and licked the tip of the cone. I watched her down the ice cream until there was just a bit left at the top of the cone. She motioned her hand for me eat some and I willingly complied. Leaning forward to lick it, Bella suddenly plunged the cone against my nose and lips, smearing my face with the pink substance. Its smell was delicious because it smelled like Bella, but now I had sticky ice cream all over my face. "Bellaaaaa!" I complained as she chuckled at my childish protest.

"Aw, I'm sorry," she said with a smile on her face. She leaned forward and planted little kisses all around my mouth to clean the strawberry away. Once it was all gone, I licked my lips to clean away what was there. "You still want some? I promise I won't bury it in your face this time."

I laughed and placed my lips to her jaw, "no, I'm fine."

An abrupt wave of valor struck me. I stared at Bella as she finished her ice cream and knew where I wanted to take her next. She would love it; it's my tree, my spot. Without thinking, I swept my arms beneath her knees and under neck, sweeping her up into my arms as I stood up. She shrieked in protest and demanded that I put her down. I ignored her gripes and kicks against my arm as my legs steered us towards the Volvo. I set her back onto her feet when we reached the car and she immediately plummeted into the passenger seat, crossing her arms over her chest tightly.

I chuckled, running a hand through my hair as I made my way towards the driver's side. I glanced at Bella as I turned on the vehicle and raised my eyebrows at her. Her face and neck where beet red, almost purple. "Why the hell are you blushing so bad?"

"Because you just carried to your car! In public!" She shrieked again.

I looked at her in confusion, "what's so bad about that? I _am_ your boyfriend."

When that last word escaped my lips, her skin tone went back to normal but a faint pink remained and a small smile crept up onto her face. She met my eyes then and nibbled on her lower lip before speaking, "I guess you're right."

I drove down the rode towards the high school, luckily reaching it quickly at my reasonable speed limit and the swift dodging of slower cars. I parked at any random space in front of the school and turned off the engine. Much to my disappointment, Bella had already climbed out of the car when I was going to open the door for her. Confusion was etched upon her face as I held her hand in mine and tugged her towards the forest behind the school.

We ambled down the familiar path, cutting behind overgrown ferns and stepping over fallen trunks, until we reached it. Mercifully, the luminescent sun was shining brightly behind the greenery, producing a glow outlining the massive tree. Its leaves and branches rustling lightly in the wind whilst some occasionally snapping from their hinges and descending towards the Earth. I watched Bella as she stepped beneath the shadow created by the billowing tree; she twirled on her toes as colorful leaves reached terrain in her flowing loose hair. Throwing her head back blissfully, her eyes closed and she breathed in deeply, relishing the husky smell of nature. She then stopped, her eyes fluttered open to stare at me, and she was beautiful. The sun illuminating her silhouette created a sight that would eternally remain at the back of my mind. With her chocolate eyes matching the bright sun, she was more than stunning. She was a goddess.

I stepped towards her leisurely and cradled her face in one of my hands, "you're so beautiful."

"So are you," she whispered softly, leaning into my touch and kissing my palm.

The unexpected sound of crunching leaves beneath shoes emitted from the leaves and trees behind Bella. I instantly tensed and my eyes narrowed, scanning the temperament before me. "Look who we have here." A familiar rough and sarcastic voice boomed from behind the trees.

Instinctively, my other arm flew out and shoved Bella not so softly behind me. I pinned her to my back and twisted my head towards her, so that my lips where against her hair as I whispered furiously, "stay behind me, love."

* * *

**Read. Read. Read. There is some important stuff being mentioned here.**

**Well, now who can that possibly be 0.0 I know, cliffhanger's are mean, but aren't they fun? :D**

**I updated early. WAY before planned, because I just love all of you so damn much. Now, THIS will be the last update till after the holidays and possibly New Years. But I just wanted to give you some more before it came. I don't know what came over me to write this chapter early. I just opened a new word document and wrote it XD **

**Bella's The Killers t-shirt and stuff on profile.**

**Shout outs to two of my readers! **_**Moonlightdarkness724 **_**for making me almost fall out of my chair in laughter. Yes, I DO love Jason quite a lot. No, more than a lot actually. He's my favorite character here. :D I would also like to acknowledge **_**Cupcake-Is-Smiling**_** for mentioning Edward's dreams. You'll see if maybe they'll tie in with things in the future or maybe they're just random meaningless dreams? You'll just have to wait and see hun.**

**Guys, I fixed the problem! Well I hope I did 0.o So now you will all be receiving the one chapter update that you're supposed to and not the two or three some have told me about. I'm sorry if I've inconvenienced any of you, I hope none of you are super annoyed with me. I mean well, I promise haha. But just in case, if I thought I fixed it and really didn't, then please don't hate me. Let's just hope I did :D**

**IMPORTANT, would any of you like to see a Bella chapter here? Should I incorporate one in here somewhere? Or should I stick with Edward all the way? Whoever thinks a Bella chapter would be nice let me know, because I'd only be doing one or two in the entire story if you guys want. Just to get a peek on what's going on the other side. **

**Thank you all for the lovely alerts/favorites/reviews on my previous chapter, you're truly wonderful and couldn't have asked for better readers (:**

**Btw *whispers* if you review, you get a virtual kiss from Jason c; so fucking cute xD and/or a cookie if you wouldn't find a smooch from him cool x] Lmaoo. Anywaysss.**

**REVIEW, please. They make me smile idiotically, and you would be getting the promised chapter after New Years.**

**Thank you so maaach.**

**Lori**


	17. save your breath

Every single one of my senses where alert and heightened as I scrutinized the woodlands surrounding us, seeking out the source of the familiar voice. Another slight rustle of leaves made me pivot on my heel towards the right, spinning Bella along with me. There behind the ingrown colorful leaves, emerged Sean. His buzz cut and leather jacket where easily recognizable. He stepped out completely and stood a little more than five feet away. "Ah, so this is your girl?" He inquired, his voice filled with disdain and surprise. "I see why you've been hiding her. She's a pretty little thing."

A low rumble began to emerge deep within my chest when I felt Bella's fingers curl around and squeeze my forearm. She could feel my trembling torso from being pressed against my back so firmly. "What do you want?" I asked as coolly as possible, keeping my temper in check.

"What's your name again, doll? What's a girl like you, doing with a guy like _him_?" I felt the muscles in my jaw twitching feverishly as Sean attempted to peer around me. I glowered at him, his eyes where totally bloodshot.

I clenched and unclenched my fists repeatedly. "What the fuck do you want, Sean?"

Sean took a squat step towards us and his jacket rose with the step, revealing a semiautomatic tucked in the front of his tattered jeans. His words came out almost slurred, "just in the neighborhood."

I let out a dark chuckle under my breath, "bullshit. What are you really doing?"

"What you don't believe me, Masen?" He snapped, his eyes going wild and his top lip curling angrily.

"No, I don't believe you. Tell me what you're doing here." I said, crossing my arms tightly over my chest, trusting in Bella to stay behind me. "I'm in higher rank than you. So start talking, now." I detested speaking that way. In a way that made me seem as if I had authority over another being. But Sean was practically asking for it.

He overtly glared at me, his eyes flitting over to Bella momentarily and then back to me. "Fine, I was…keeping an eye on you."

Confusion flared in me like open-ended fireworks. "Keeping an eye on me? What the fuck, you where fucking spying on me?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it spying now." He waved off with a roll of his eyes. "I'd say more like…watching from a distance."

"Same shit you dumb fuck," I felt the fury coiling in the pit of my stomach, "since when have you been 'keeping an eye on me'?"

Sean had a sardonic grin plastered on that shitty face of his, "Chill out, I just saw you at the park with your bitch over here and I followed you, nothing big."

"I swear to fucking God if you say one more word directed to her, I'll kill you," I seethed, taking a step towards him but was tugged back by Bella. It felt as if my brain was about to explode from the raging emotions coursing through me. "Why are you following me?"

Sean breathed out dramatically, "You're probably going to find out soon enough anyway so what the hell…Keith isn't too keen on your girl. He wanted me to keep an eye on you."

"What the fuck does Bella have to do with anything? Why would Keith care who I'm with?"

"Ey, he didn't go into details. He kept it real subtle and to the point. So you're asking the wrong person." Sean replied in defense, his arms rising in the air as he slowly backed away.

"If I find out that you know more than you're telling me, prepare to run." I said menacingly. "Get the fuck out of here."

He rolled his eyes and turned on his heel but not before chuckling back a reply, "gladly."

I made sure to not move a muscle as I watched Sean disappear behind different greens and browns. I stood there for what felt like more than an hour, back rigid and arms taut, prepared to ambush. I didn't notice when Bella sidestepped from behind my back to face me, "Edward?" Her sweet voice brought me back, but the tone was off, it was laced with distress. My eyes met her hers and held them for an immeasurable moment.

My arms rose on their own accord and snaked around her waist, bringing her body against mine gently. I pressed my lips to her hair, rustling a few strands with my breath, "Are you alright?"

She leaned away from me to look at my face as she spoke, whilst clinging to the hem of my t-shirt. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because of what he said. I'm sorry that you had to see that. See me like that." I replied, cupping her face between my hands. "And sorry about Sean, he's just an insensitive asshole."

"You apologize too much." She chuckled, despite the fact that I was completely serious. "Its fine, Edward, I can understand why Keith doesn't like me, I'm keeping you away from them."

I shook my head at her in incredulity. "You see Bella, that's the thing; you're not keeping me away from them. You're _not_ a problem here, they are. You're not binding my hands to stay with you, are you? I didn't think so. This is entirely my choice; I _want_ to be with you. The guys have nothing to do with this."

"Then why does he care so much?"

I sighed and studied her expression. She didn't even look frightened, a little concerned, but not afraid for the least bit. "That's what I want to know."

She leaned forward and kissed my jaw softly. Once she stepped back I wrapped my arm around her waist and led us out of the forest. As soon as we where passed the hazardous broken branches and ferns, I released Bella's waist and waited until she was settled in the passenger seat of the Volvo to head on over the driver's side.

I sped raucously through the city on the way to Bella's home. Why the fuck did Keith want me followed? And why by such a short tempered pothead? I knew Keith, and I'm almost certain that he would never put Sean up for such a task. I'm not going to lie; I have noticed a trivial modification in my behavior after meeting Bella, that's probably the main reason why he wants to keep and eye on me. But that diminutive change made me better, _she's_ made me better. In my whole life, I've never smiled as much as I have when Bella's around. I'm finally feeling happiness again, I'm finally _feeling_ again. Sure Jason and I have had our fun and joyous moments but not ones like Bella's. The contentment I feel when I'm with her is ethereal. It makes me believe that if I let go of her for too long, she'll disappear. She'll vanish and take all of my elation away with her. Bella is my happiness; she's the groundwork beneath it all. If she's gone, then that's gone.

I lifted my foot from the accelerator slightly and averted my eyes from the windshield for a split second to glance at Bella. She had her hands clasped tightly in her lap as she stared out of the passenger side window, her front teeth chewing edgily on her lower lip. I reached out and stroked her lip with my thumb lightly until she released it. Satisfied, I ran my hand down her arm and intertwined my fingers between both of her hands; so that my right hand was now sandwiched between both of her warm ones. "Bella."

Her head whipped around to face me with wide and almost wild eyes. Different emotions splayed out all over her face before she collected herself and gave me a small smile, her eyes returning to their normal pools of warm chocolate, "yeah?"

My gaze trailed back towards the windshield, making a sharp turn into her neighborhood. "I'm going to get you home, and then head on over to Jason's for a bit. I have to talk to him about something, okay?"

I glanced at Bella and she nodded while taking a dry gulp, her neck straining with the effort. She turned away from me and her hands went limp around mine. I really didn't want to leave her to go see Jason, but I had to. I had to talk to him about Keith, about what Sean informed me on. I reached her house and idled in her driveway as she removed her seatbelt. Bella was about to step out of the car when I caught her by a belt loop on her jeans, pulling her back into the car. "Where are you going in such a hurry?"

She plopped back down in the seat and turned towards me, her face inches away from mine, "inside the house."

I cocked an eyebrow at her teasingly, "no 'goodbye, Edward?'"

Bella rolled her eyes at me and a small smile played along her lips. She leaned forward and pecked my cheek swiftly, "bye, Edward."

She was just about to pull the same move of stepping out of the vehicle when I noticed my finger still circled around her belt loop. Tugging her body back against mine, I used my free hand to catch the nape of her neck and press my lips against hers. My lips moved with hers slowly, savoring the feel of our lips molding together flawlessly. She let out a soft sigh and I leaned away slowly with parted lips. "I'll be back soon, love."

A red blush rose to her paled cheeks as she ran her tongue across her bottom lip quickly, "S-sure."

I watched as she clambered out of the car and stumbled up the driveway after slamming shut the passenger door. Once I was sure that Bella was inside, I peeled out of the street and raced off to Jason's house. Dissimilar thoughts where bouncing around my mind inconsistently. Keith. Sean. The rest of them. What do they think they're doing? They really thought they could pull off spying on me without my detection? They're all so fucking dense. The sudden urge to never see them again, to never fight with them again, to never _fight_ again, was raging deep inside me with a fierce intensity. Taking part in their malice, in their brutality, is seriously going to drive me insane one of these days. How could someone literally unearth pleasure in causing other's pain? In causing death and destruction wherever they go?

Skidding to a stop in front of Jason's house, I flung the driver's side door open and took long strides to get to the porch. Walking in through the unlocked front door, I peered around corners looking for Jason. "Jay?" I called through the empty foyer.

I walked past the foyer and into an empty living room, "Jay!" I spun around to head into the kitchen but Jason was standing a mere two feet away, causing me to almost collide against him. "Shit dude, don't do that."

Jason scrutinized my face and thumped a hand against the side of my head, "Why are you so agitated?"

I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose, "your room."

Jason led the way into his room and once his door was closed, I fell back against the foot of his bed and groaned. Jason stood there, with his back against the wall, watching me and waiting for me to speak. When I didn't he spoke instead. "Well? What couldn't you tell me in the living room?"

I kept my eyes trained on the dots decorating the ceiling above me, "Keith's 'keeping an eye' on me."

"What do you mean by keeping an eye on you?" I could practically feel the unease in Jason from across the room.

I brought my fists to my eyes and rubbed them roughly, "they're spying on me."

"Why the fuck is Keith _spying_ on you?" Jason sneered.

I scoffed, "if I fucking knew why he was spying on me, I would be discussing this with him right now."

"You're fucking kidding me!" He almost yelled. "Did he mention anything abou-"

The squeak in Jason's door rang loudly in my ears as I lifted my head off of the bed to see who had entered. Kathy's head popped out from behind the doorframe, "Jason, can you come fix the TV real quick? It froze again…oh hey, Edward." She acknowledged after realizing I was sprawled out on the bed.

"Not now Kathers, close the door on your way out." He replied icily.

Kathy moaned in exasperation, "but I never know how to do-"

"Katherine," Jason snapped, whipping his head around to glare at his sister, "I said not now."

Her face fell considerably at his words. I could tell that it upset her whenever Jason yelled at her, she hated getting on the wrong page with him, they where always so laidback with each other. And considering the fact that I rarely saw Jason angry about something was saying a lot. "S-sorry I bothered." She said softly, whilst shutting the door on her way out.

Jason sighed, placing his hands on his hips while dropping his head against his chest, "shit."

"Don't stress it, Jay. She'll get over it soon." I assured my best friend.

His head flew up and met my gaze, "I know. It's just this damn gang shit all the time is stressing me out. I'm sick of lying to my parents all the time, telling them I'm going to a friend's house when I'm really out fighting recklessly with a bunch of other stupid asses? No bro, I'm so tired if it."

I sat up on my ass with my legs hanging off of the foot of the bed, "so am I, Jay. Trust me."

"Then we should do something about it." he declared staunchly, "If we're both so tired of it, why not just leave?"

"Jason, you know it's not that easy with Keith."

Jason shrugged, "what's the worst he can do? Throw a few punches here and there? Oh please, you know he wouldn't really hurt us. He thinks we're his most faithful guys."

"Which is exactly why we can't leave them." I clarified, rising to my feet.

Jason took a step towards me and flung his arms out as he spoke, "Keith doesn't own us, Edward. Sure he can threaten us all he wants, but he doesn't own us. We don't have 'Property of Keith Summers' stamped on out foreheads now, do we?"

"No, I guess you're right." I mused, "When are we going to tell him that we're through though?"

Jason's rewarding smile could have made anyone in a fifty feet radius content for no goddamn reason. "Whenever you want."

"Sure, then I suggest we tell him some time after tonight's fight. If we tell him before, when he's all pumped up and ready to kick ass, it's not going to go down all that well for us." I cringed instinctively.

Jason nodded, "by the way, now that we've got that covered…are you planning on asking Keith why the hell he's spying on you?"

"I think I should because he's starting to mess with Bella too, and that's definitely not going to happen. None of them are ever getting near her."

Jason was instantly tense, "Bella? What does she have to do with any of this?"

"I don't know, when Sean found us behind the school he said that Keith was keeping an eye on me…that he doesn't like Bella."

Jason chuckled, "Stoner Sean? Keith really sent that idiot to 'spy' on you?"

I nodded and ran a hand through my hair anxiously. Apparently Jason could sense my discomfort because he leaned forward, placing a hand on my shoulder and gave me a sympathetic half grin. "Don't worry, Eddie, we'll figure this out. We'll be out of the gang soon enough and you and Bella can be happy and go do whatever it is you two freaks do."

"I sure hope so." I said before we stepped out into the hall and over to the living room.

Katherine was seated Indian style in front of the TV, banging on its screen with the remote control. I stared at her for a few seconds, her frustration was oddly amusing. Before she could cause any permanent damage to the television, Jason snatched the remote out of her hand and flung it onto the couch behind us. "Kathers, are you trying to break it?"

Kathy mumbled something incoherent before rising to her feet and plopping herself down onto the soft cushions of the couch, sinking behind the pillows. "Aw Kat, don't be that way." Jason spoke softly, moving towards the couch and throwing a few cushions to the side to sit beside his sister.

"What way?" She snapped, glancing at me to avert Jason's gaze. I flashed her an understanding smile and shrugged.

Jason draped his arm around her shoulders and buried her body beneath his arm, hugging her tightly. "Don't be upset."

"I'm not upset," she pouted, attempting and failing to squirm out from beneath her brother.

"Yes, you are." Jason sighed, "Listen, I'm sorry I yelled at you. Edward and I where just discussing something important and it had me a bit keyed up. No big deal."

Kathy let out a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose, clearly a habit she received from me. "Fine, whatever. Can you please just fix the damn TV?"

Jason laughed and moved over to the television, fixing the fuzzy screen in less than five seconds. "You have a TV in your room, why can't you just use that one?"

"Because I don't think mom, dad or the both of you, would be fine with me having a boy in my room." Kathy giggled.

Jason twisted around and stood from his crouched position before the TV eyeing Kathy warily, "you have a guy coming over?"

"Chill, its just, Landon."

I scratched the back of my head and flexed my shoulders, "just Landon, my ass." I murmured more so to myself than for her.

"How are...you two, anyway?" Jason inquired awkwardly.

"We're great. He's taking me out again tomorrow and I can't wait!" Kathy grinned brightly, staring up at the both of us. "But you know, I saw him again at the diner the other day and he had bruises all over his forearms…it looked a lot like the ones you guys always get from fighting at school…does he, like, get into fights too?" she asked quietly, glancing down at her hands.

Jason and I shared a subjective glance, communicating through our eyes, before looking back at Kathy. "Some of the upper classmen provoke him, tease him, and Landon doesn't take crap from anyone. He can stand up for himself." I said proudly.

Kathy looked taken aback. "Oh, well I didn't know that. Whatever though, he's going to be here in a bit and I'd prefer if you two weren't around…no offense. So skedaddle."

Jason and I laughed before leaving the room. We walked side by side until we reached the front door and exited the house. He turned towards me and furrowed his brow worriedly, "Ed, I'm going to go…take a drive. I need to clear my head before the fight tonight. I need to think a bit."

"Sure sure, Jay, just be careful." I nodded, "I'll head on over to Bella's now then. I have to talk to her about some stuff."

We both split and headed towards our cars. After I was settled in the confines of my purring Volvo, I checked the time on the dashboard that read it was almost six-thirty. Shit, I only a few minutes with Bella before having to head out. I bit down on my lip and revved the engine before speeding down the street.

I reached her house in a matter of minutes due to my reckless driving. I always nagged Jason about the dangers of speeding and now look at me. Ripping the streets away like there's no tomorrow. I turned off the engine and ducked out of the car, careful not to bump my head against the roof. Upon reaching the front door, I gave three short raps against the wood and waited. The door swung open revealing the massive build that was Emmett. I still wasn't as comfortable being around him but he's definitely warming up to me, and vice versa. "Hey, Bells! You're dude's here!" He boomed, leaving a deafening ringing in my ear drums.

I caught sight of Bella almost skipping down the hallway towards the door from over Emmett's shoulder. He may be all muscle, but I'm unquestionably taller. Emmett sidestepped out of the way and headed back towards the couch in the front room. My eyes trailed back to Bella who was smirking brilliantly, her entire form was nearly vibrating. "Why are you so hyper, love?"

She flushed a deep scarlet and licked her lips, "I ate a chocolate cupcake."

"Alright then, so you get hyper with sweets? I'll make sure to not forget that little detail." I chuckled, ruffling her hair with my hand.

Bella seized my hands in hers and tugged me into the house as she skipped into the kitchen. Every section of the counter was overflowing with cupcakes of different colors and sizes. Gaping at the sight before me, my mouth watered instantly. I fucking love cupcakes. "You want one, Eddie?"

"Please, don't call me, Eddie," I said with a shake of my head, "and hell to the fuck yeah I want one!"

Bella hopped up onto the side of the sink and swung her legs out in front of her as I picked up a red velvet cupcake coated with vanilla icing, just about swallowing the entire thing in one bite. As soon as I finished the delicious pastry, I stepped in front of Bella and pressed my legs against the counter. "Did you like it?" She asked sweetly, wrapping her arms around my neck loosely.

I ran my hands up slowly along the exterior of her thighs as they dangled on either side of my waist. "Yes I did, thank you."

"How much?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow at me mischievously.

I leaned forward until I could feel her warm breath hitting my lips in ragged puffs, "very, very much." She smirked and closed the distance between us, joining our lips faultlessly.

My hands instinctively tightened around her thighs and dragged her body closer to mine. I didn't want this to end, the gentle caress of her fingers on my neck, the way her lips moved against mine, the sheer ecstasy in breathing her in. But it had to, I couldn't be late tonight. I backed away slightly to breathe and settled on resting my forehead against hers as we both battled to catch our breaths. "Bella…"

"Yeah?" She breathed.

"I have to go…" I trailed off mindlessly, not sure of how to bring up the subject.

Bella moved her face away from mine to stare into my eyes, "but you just got here."

"I have a fight tonight with the gang." I said seriously, wary of how she would take it.

"Oh," she whispered, "and you have to go now?"

I nodded, "I have to be there in a couple of minutes."

"Well, that's great," she huffed sarcastically, pushing forward against my chest so that she could slide off of the counter. I moved aside to give her space, when she faced me with anger and hurt filled eyes. "Do you really enjoy that, Edward, fighting with people? Hurting yourself? And all for what? Feeling pain?"

My brow furrowed as I stared back at her with confusion evident on my face. "Jay and I are through with that shit. We're done with them, for good."

"Then why are you still going tonight?" she glanced up at me from behind her lashes, looking so innocent and pure. I'm ruining her.

I raked a hand through her hair and rested it at the posterior of her neck. "It's just one last fight, Bella. Jason and I need this. I need this. One last time and then I'm done."

Concern and sympathy pooled in her eyes, "you promise?"

"I swear." I alleged, placing my lips against her forehead.

She sighed and wrapped her arms around my torso. "Please, be careful."

"Always am, love. Always am." I whispered against her lips, before crushing them against hers one last time.

* * *

**Well, this chapter was a piece of shit. I really hated it. It dragged on, and it was almost a waste of time. But I guess parts where important, such as the part with Stoner Sean and Jason and junk. Hopefully you guys enjoyed it more than I did :) But sorry if it was a disappointment to some :/ And I at least kept my promise on updating after New Years because I love you all!**

**STUPID KEITH. I hate him, he should fall off the face of the Earth, but I unfortunately can't do that because…well, you'll see. And Sean's just a retard XD**

**Anyway, I'd like to give a shout out to, **_**Moonlightdarkness724, **_**for saying that she likes to review my story, that's so incredibly sweet of you. Also, **_**EmmettLuvr1935, **_**for putting Jason on your fictional-characters-that-you-love list! That's super funny, and I'm glad you like him ;D**

**Many of you said that I should just stick with Edward's perspective straight through but I'm still debating whether or not to incorporate a Bella one. If I do, then it's probably going to be in a long while. **

**BEAUTIFUL READERS! Have you guys seen Avatar? IT'S AWESOME. Go watch it, like right now. Like just stop reading my author's note and grab your keys. Go, run, to the cinema! xD Lmao, it's really good. I recommend you guys to go see it whenever or if possible. [Linda you're probably glaring at the screen right about now ahaha]**

**GUYS! IMPORTANTE! READ FOR MAH FRIEND! In her words: "****Awhile back I read a story up here and I can't remember the name to it and I really wanna find it again. It's about Bella and Edward (Duh) and there living together in a house I think? Well Bella's a dancer and I think she goes on a date and gets raped. I believe that she and Edward don't really like each other. When she gets home its raining and the power goes out and Edward finds her in the living room and cleans her up and stuff and she's kind of freaking out. I remember Alice and Jasper and Emmett come and Bella tells Alice what happened. After that I don't remember." Got it guys? So if any of you know of this story, please let me know the title and penname of the author so I can let my friend know :))) Please and thank you!**

**Aight, back to things related to my story. Thank you all for the wonderful alerts on my previous chapter, they made me smile idiotically. (:**

**By the way, the offer still stands, a review gets you a nice long smooch from Jason!....Do any of you want one from Landon? He'd be glad to pucker up (; Ahahaa. So review.**

**REVIEW, please!**

**Thank you all so maaach.**

**Lori**


	18. i can corrupt you

I had lied to Bella. I told her that I was always careful. Bullshit, I was a reckless motherfucker. Whenever I fought, I brawled on pure instinct, never giving much mind to my thoughts. But that was before, before when I had nothing worth breathing for, before Bella had entered my life. Taking deep and steady breaths, I flexed my fingers around the steering wheel as I sped down the familiar street towards the bridge, feeling the gentle purr of the engine and the rough gravel of the street beneath me.

As the structure of the bridge began to appear larger and larger in my line of sight, I lifted my foot slightly from the accelerator and pulled in beside Jason's parked Integra. I didn't even bother scanning the area where the others waited, I knew I was the last one arriving; I was late, as usual. I spun the keys to the Volvo around my index finger as I stepped out, slamming the car door shut in infuriation.

My eyes scanned the area where the other's stood; Jason shifted his weight from foot to foot awkwardly beside Keith, who was leaning casually against a post that supported the bridge. I could feel his eyes on my face as I reached them. "You're late, again." He barked.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I neared him whilst hardening my expression as I stared back, challenging him, "Like that's anything new." I scoffed.

His eyes narrowed considerably as he took a long drag of his cigarette, before flicking it out from between his fingers and allowing it fall atop the pavement. "Let me guess, you didn't bring your shit?"

"What shit?" I questioned in monotony, seriously not knowing or caring for what he was nagging about.

I could see the aggravation boiling up inside of him as his fists clenched and unclenched, the veins in his forehead beginning to slowly appear more and more prominent by the second, "the semiautomatic."

Oh, he meant _that_ shit. "No, I didn't."

"Thought so," he chuckled darkly, whilst running a hand roughly over his jaw, "alright Cold Ones," the volume of his voice escalating so that the others could hear him, "we're headed towards The Falls, again. I don't know where the fuck these other gangs keep coming from but we're here to show them that this is our territory. Problem is that they're pretty good fighters supposedly, they have good technique. Just beat their asses and watch your brother's backs."

A chorus of cheers and booming yells erupted around me. I caught Jason's stare and could instantly tell that my expression matched his identically, one of pure annoyance and anger. "Wait," Keith's voice surmounted over everyone else's, "where the fuck is Sinclair?"

The following silence was exceptionally gauche as my thoughts raced on what to tell Keith, but Jason mercifully beat me to it. "Dealing with his father, they where having problems, again." He lied smoothly. I truly prayed that Landon wouldn't inform Kathy about the gang. That would just make everything a whole lot worse, Bella already knew about us, we didn't need another one of our loved ones to stress about our life style as well.

"Whatever, lets go." He ordered. We all headed towards different cars, some of us riding with each other. I allowed my legs to lead me towards my Volvo, not worrying about who followed suit. As soon as I had revved the engine though, Jason sat with his head thrown back against the headrest in the passenger seat and Matt sprawled out along the backseat. I shrugged and peeled out from the lot with the directions towards The Falls etched into my brain. A few uncomfortable seconds passed until Jason reached towards the radio, fingering the buttons until he reached a station worth listening to. I sighed in familiarity with the song, and he blasted it, drowning out any other noise from reaching our ears.

_I could corrupt you in a heart beat  
You think you're so special  
Think you're so sweet_

My life had been moving a mile a minute lately. Everything in the past few weeks came rushing towards the front of my mind, meshing with the music pounding in my ears, my nightmares, Stephen, Keith, Bella, my mother. I could've sworn I was going to crash, that I was going to collide headlong with another vehicle as scenes as memories practically obscured my vision. I pushed them back though, clearing my sight as I focused on one at a time. Allowing images of the previous year to resurface along with its following pain, I settled myself deeply in the driver's seat.

I recalled watching the sharp shards of crystals soaring wildly around my mother and me when the truck smashed against the left side of the car. Hearing the tires screeching protests as the truck never stopped accelerating, as it kept pushing and tipping over the van, had me trembling in terror while I sat helplessly in my seat. The driver had never stopped his truck; he kept on ramming it into my mother's fragile side, her heart wrenching cries and aching screams ringing deafeningly in my ears. I had attempted to rip off her seatbelt, to move her damaged body closer to mine, but it was a wasted attempt as the chilled outside rain made my fingers slick and numb, as the cold metal and leather interior surrounded and crushed her completely. I remember seeing her half open eyes, lifeless and void of all emotion staring back at me as the vitality departed her.

Why couldn't it have been me? Why did I have to yell and argue with her the moment that I'd sat in the car? Why couldn't the truck have come from the right side of the intersection and crashed into my side of the vehicle? Why my mother's? She never deserved this. She didn't deserve to die in such a ruthless way, in a way you see people dying in movies and TV shows by drunk drivers. Elizabeth Masen was one of the few hearts I knew and loved. If anything, I was the one who had deserved to die, not her. Definitely not her. She was a wonderful mother, and I'm guessing a great wife to Stephen as well because he always seemed to be happy with her.

_What are you trying? Don't even tempt me  
Soon you'll be crying  
And wishing you dreamt me_

My arms twisted and I made a sharp turn, speeding along side Keith's car as fury roused within me. Stephen. I remember arriving home from the hospital, dragging my feet behind him as we stepped into the house. He'd thrown his keys onto the coffee table as we passed the living room. I had caught my reflection in one of the mirrors aligned on the wall. Blood and tears streaked across my face, my eyes where red rimmed and my hair was more disheveled than usual. I followed Stephen into the kitchen and watched as he leaned his hands against the counter, dropping his head and breathing heavily. I remembered asking him if he was alright, if he needed me to do or help him with anything. His response? Stalking up to me and punching me square in the face, repeatedly.

I thought it was just that day that he was feeling hopeless and weak from losing my mother, that he needed some time of release from the agony and stress he was in. So he chose me to be his personal punching bag. At the time, I felt it to be understandable, but when it became routine, I knew what was running through his mind. He found me to be the culprit of her death, which I never denied and never will.

Allowing the anger to rise up within me, my curled fingers gripped the wheel tightly, my knuckles turning bone white. I was surprisingly grateful to fight this out soon. I could take out my anger on some other fucker. That just showed how my reactions where so akin to Stephen's. It sickened me to agree or be on the same page as him for all of those years after my mother married him, after my father left us.

_You'll be calling out my name  
When you need someone to blame_

My thoughts where pulled back to the present as I heard one of the cars honking behind me. I reacted immediately and the four cars pulled in one after the other. I was the second to stomp on the break behind Keith's Mustang. We all scrambled out of the cars like a swarm of bees. Sliding and hanging low behind shadows as we neared the usual confrontation site. It never surprised me that we _always_ fought inside of alleys. Why? I don't fucking know, maybe because Keith is an idiot, who cares.

Stuffing my keys into my jeans, I buried my hands deeply into the pockets of my leather jacket and jogged up to walk at Keith's right with Jason at his left. I can't fucking wait until I'm through with this shit. The seven other guys got into formation at our flanks as we stalked down the street, passing flickering street lights and garbage cans. The streets where hushed, there where rarely ever cars in this area of Chicago at night. It was too dangerous to be here when _we_ where here.

Keith let out a low whistle and we knew it meant to get prepared. We saw the other gang before they saw us. They had their backs to us and where deeply huddled inside the shadows of the alley. I shot back a warning glance to Daniel and Sean as I heard them whipping out pocketknives. I glared at them, and they reluctantly snapped them shut and placed them in their pockets. I turned my head back around almost robotically as I scrutinized and chose a target. Soon enough, they heard our shuffling feet and all pivoted on their heels at different moments, with first bafflement washing over their expressions and then followed closely by anger. Keith usually made the first move, or introduction, but I'm trying to distance myself from him, get on his bad side so he'd see me as a menace to the gang and actually want me out. I rolled my eyes and inspected their hands. No weapons? They stood there; set to pounce with clenched fists. I shrugged and broke out into a fleet sprint, watching as their eyes grew wide in astonishment. Why the hell aren't they reacting? Oh well, fuck it.

_I can corrupt you  
It would be easy  
Watching you suffer  
God, it would please me_

I locked eyes with one of them and smashed my shoulders against his abdomen, pinning his body down with the strength in my legs. I let my mind draw a blank as my fist flew up past the side of my head and snapped forward against the guy's face. As soon as I made that first strike, there was a scurry of movement around me. But I ignored it, and focused on the man under me. Images of Stephen flooded behind my eyes and I yelled furiously as I saw his face beneath my fists instead of the scared and pathetic face of this unknown man that was really there. I could almost hear Stephen's vindictive and sinister laughter echoing from within my memories. Abhorrence and resentment was wrapped around every punch. The man's sudden moans of agony made my fists halt airborne, I looked down at that man, really looked at him, seeing his face and not Stephen's. It was bloodied and bruised, already displaying signs of swelling. A wave of guilt washed through me momentarily as my eyes flitted towards my hands and back to his face. He took my brief pause to his advantage and flung his arms out, knocking me out of the way and rolling to position himself heavily above me. He glared down at me intensely and struck me in the face, hard. It was the hardest punch I'd ever received and it hurt like a bitch. Brass knuckles?

My breathing hitched and I clenched my jaw firmly, trying to disregard the heated blaze of the blow in my flaming left cheek. At that very moment, Bella's sweet voice rang loudly in my head, '_Please, be careful.'_

I could do this. I _would_ do this, for her.

Roaring in defiance, my arms had a mind of their own. Once of my hands caught the forthcoming fist that was headed towards my face, I wrapped my fingers around his fisted hand tightly and twisted, his wrist snapping viciously. A loud wail escaped his lips as I shoved him off of me. He clutched his arm against his chest as he fell atop the cold pavement beside me. I bounded up to my feet at once and frowned down at the man. I was debating on just leaving him there when I remembered that I couldn't do that. Keith would literally murder me with his bare hands if I dismissed a fight so subtly.

_But I wouldn't touch you with my little finger  
I know it will crush you  
My memory would linger_

It felt as though there where ice water coursing through my veins instead of hot boiling blood.

***

Bright lights darted passed my peripheral vision as I sped hysterically away from the bridge. Jason was speeding right behind me as he tailgated my car to his house. If I where him I wouldn't be driving so close to a car, especially one going as fast as mine, but whatever, I wasn't in the mood to stress about that.

The fight came to a close exceptionally well. No blood no foul, right? For us, that is. I couldn't say the same about the other gang though. They where beaten to a bloody pulp. I felt awful about myself. Keeping in my mind that I'm leaving the gang, and then I go ahead and almost kill a man, after stating a few hours before that I would never do this again. Thankfully nothing but my fists came in contact with his face, because if I used something other than my hands, it would have turned out much worse for him. Give him a few months and his face would appear normal again.

I winced and shook my head, if Bella only knew what I did. If she knew how I thrashed people until their throats where so constricted that they could barely get the oxygen flowing in and out of their lungs. She'd be afraid of me. She'd detest me. She'd leave me.

I let out a deep shuddering breath as I pulled into Jason's parking lot behind his mother's car. Jason pulled in beside the Volvo as I stepped out of the driver's side. We met at the front of his car and waited until we'd passed the front door, living room, and kitchen, before heading towards his room. He shut the door quietly and groaned, sliding his body down against the door and slumping towards the ground. "I hurt."

I chuckled soullessly and laid down flat on my stomach against the floor in front of his bed, placing my bruised cheek against the cold tile, "me too."

"How's your cheek? Is it swelling yet?" He asked in concern, though I could tell he was too tired to even want to speak.

I breathed evenly and took pleasure of the burning in my cheek slowly diminishing with the cold, "its fine, Jay. How's your shoulder?"

"Hurting."

I sighed, "Want me to get you some ice?"

"I would love it if you did," he yawned, "but you can't."

"Why is that?" I asked him in confusion. I could damn well get my ass up and retrieve some ice from the freezer for my best friend.

"Because I'm leaning against the door and I'm not planning on moving an inch until morning." He slurred, "You're stuck in here."

I laughed, "What if I have to use the bathroom?"

"You can hold it." I could hear the smile in his voice, though it was filled with sleep.

I scratched the back of my head and let my hand fall beside me on the tile, "and if I can't?"

"Too bad."

I yawned before my eyes slowly drooped shut and I drifted off to a peaceful yet throbbing sleep.

_You'd be crying out in pain  
Begging me to play my games_

I awoke to my entire body throbbing and sore. I groaned and felt incredibly disoriented to find myself lying facedown on the ground. I positioned my hands flat against the tile and pushed down, my body rising and settling its weight on my knees. A wave of vertigo washed over me and I sagged backwards onto my ass.

I closed my eyes momentarily, until I felt that it was safe for me to rise to my feet without falling flat on my face. I stretched out popped my bones a little, feeling the burn from last nights fight. I glanced around the room and rubbed my stomach mindlessly. Jason was sprawled out in front of the door with a slacked jaw and his hair was unkempt and probably looked wilder than mine. I dragged my feet towards him indolently and prodded the tip of my foot against his thigh impatiently. "Jason," I whispered, "Jason!" I kicked him a little harder than before, and his eyes shot open.

"Rachel!" he yelled, his torso shooting up off of the floor. He glanced around in confusion and then jumped as he noticed me standing before him. "Christ, Edward! Don't scare me like that!"

I could barely maintain the laughter escaping my lips to a minimum, "Rachel? Who's Rachel?"

He mumbled something completely incoherent and rose to his feet, shaking his hair out like a dog and then running his fingers through it. I watched in awe as it instantly fell into place, side swept and groomed. "How the hell does it do that?"

He eyed me lazily, "how does what do what?"

"Your hair, how does it just fall into place by a whip of your fingers after it was a haystack? Mine sticks around in different directions regardless what I do to it."

Jason rolled his eyes, "you should know the answer to that question, Eddie."

"What is it? Oh wait, let me guess, it's because you're awesome?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

He nodded, "exactly."

We laughed freely until he decided to use his parent's restroom, leaving the hallway's restroom for me. I ambled over slowly towards the bathroom, shutting it and locking the knob as I stepped in front of the mirror. I hadn't even removed my jacket or shoes last night from how tired I was. I ran my fingers through my hair before sliding off my jacket and flinging it in a hamper in the corner of the bathroom. I peeled off the rest of my clothing, placing my pocket contents on the counter beside the sink and faced the large mirror once again. I scrunched up my nose as I stared back at my reflection.

I had a large bruise forming along my ribs and the skin around my left eye was purple and blue. Fuck. My eyes fell towards my torso, the stitches had fully disintegrated beneath my skin and I just had long angry scars running along my chest. Sighing, I turned on the shower head and stepped into the pounding water.

***

I drove at a reasonable speed limit to Bella's house. I hadn't told her that I was going over, so I thought why not surprise her. I had previously planned on texting her when I arrived home last night, to assure her that Jason and I where fine, but I was just too damn tired. I could barely even move when my body had touched the ground.

I pulled in behind what I figured was Emmett's Jeep and scrambled out of the car. I took a few long strides to reach the front porch and gave three light raps against the door. Sliding the sleeves of my shirt up, the door swung open to reveal a bright and overjoyed Esme, but her expression altered as soon as her eyes saw my face.

"Edward, honey what happened to your eye?!" She asked in pure horror, placing her fingertips lightly against my jaw to angle my head and get a better view of the contusion.

"Oh um," I stammered, conjuring up a lie, "I had an accident. Jason and I where wrestling around, but it didn't turn out all that well."

Esme patted my right cheek gently, "oh sweetie, you boys need to be more careful when playing around. Would you like some ice?"

"No its okay, Mrs. Cullen, thank you though. I'm just here to see Bella." I smiled down at her warmly, unable to be anything but kind to her.

She seemed to now realize why I was truly there, "oh right, forgive me. She's in here." She led me into a room beside the row photos that hung on the wall in the hallway and disappeared as soon as I turned towards the open room.

_I can corrupt you  
It will be ugly  
They could sedate you  
But what good would drugs be_

Bella sat cross-legged on a computer chair with her back to me as she typed feverishly on a keyboard. I snuck up behind her and placed my hands on her warm shoulders, sliding them down to her now frozen hands. I curled my fingers amid hers and spun her body around in the blue chair so that she now faced me. Her chocolate eyes found mine and her brow furrowed as a frown replaced the concentrated look she had before. "You're hurt…" she trailed off, slipping a hand out of mine to trace her fingertips around the bruise.

I shrugged, "I've had worse."

"Do you want some ice?" She asked softly.

I shook my head as I bored my eyes into hers, "I'm fine, really."

She nodded and bit her lip, "was that it? Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"No, Bella. I promised you I'd be careful, didn't I?" I said, my breath mingling with hers from our close proximity.

"Yes, you did." Her voice was serious, but I could hear the almost pleading undertone in her words. I licked my lips and leaned forward, kissing her softly. In response, she released my hands and ran her fingers through my hair gently, clasping her hands at the nape of my neck. I ran my hands down her sides as I kneeled down to be at her height. Her hands tightened behind my neck as my tongue grazed her bottom lip. She leaned away slightly breathless, and I released a side of her hip to run my thumb along her lips.

"You want a cupcake?" She asked as soon as her breath returned to normal.

"You're so incredibly random, love." I chuckled against her lips, "but fuck yes, I'd love one."

She smiled brilliantly and kicked the rolling chair out from underneath her, rising to her feet. I intertwined one of my hands with hers as we made our way towards the kitchen. Bella leaned against the counter and extended her arm, motioning for me to select any flavor I desired, much like yesterday. I picked up a vanilla cupcake with chocolate frosting and nibbled on it slowly. Bella watched me and giggled, turning her gaze away.

Emmett entered the kitchen then, looking slightly frazzled and distraught. As soon as he saw Bella though, his expression hardened and he gulped, his Adams apple bobbing. "Bella, you have a phone call." He said in a hoarse voice, walking towards Bella and handing her the phone before turning and fleeing the kitchen.

She eyed after him warily and placed the phone to her ear, "hello?"

"Mom! Hey, how ar-" she beamed, before apparently being cut off, "wait, slow down. What is it?"

With every passing second, Bella's face paled drastically. Her eyes went wide and the phone slid out of her hand, clattering against the tile loudly. I immediately set my cupcake down and turned my entire body towards hers, cupping her face in my hands and tilting her head up to meet my eyes. "Bella? What is it?"

Her eyes pooled with tears and her bottom lip trembled. "Edward." She gasped, before falling limp against me.

_You'll be calling out my name  
Begging me to play my games_

_

* * *

_

**Wow. Finally done. Its three in the freaking morning. I'm like dead right now. But I wanted to finish this chapter before going to bed. :)**

**Song: Corrupt by Depeche Mode. I put it because, well it just fit. **

…**..Okay *slaps face* I sound dead. I need to get happy and add exclamation points XD**

**Anyways, this chapter took a few long hours. I took my time on it because I wanted it to come out good for you guys but it failed. Sorry If I disappointed some :/ Edward is seriously screwed up in the head if you ask me! Lmao nah nah, I'm playing. Poor guy he's just still real caught up in his memories, believing that it was his fault that his mother died and all *sigh* **

**Jason! He was barely in it D': But its okay, he'll be in the next one…I hope. Not sure yet 0.0 Lol it's okay I still love him c:**

**I want to seriously kill Keith. Anyone else agree? I really can't stand him, but I can't just poof him off the face of the earth like I said last time. I just can't *sigh***

**Kays, **_**Moonlightdarkness724**_**you never fail at making me crack up. I love your reviews because I'm always just laughing for a few good minutes xD Yes, I will keep Jason sacred. He's mine c: ahahahaa. **

**WAIT, who's this new chick, Rachel? And why the freak his he yelling her name out all breathlessly and shit after waking up? *glares* she better watch her back. Ahahaa, no she's not important if any of you are wondering, he's just retarded and screamed out her name xD crazy.**

**Um um um, I forgot what I was going to say….0.0…uh, oh yeah; sorry if some of you wanted to read a full blown fight. But I can't write those for shit, so sorry I kept that short. Also, forgive me if some of you didn't enjoy Edward's "cruelty" towards the gang banger he was fighting against. He had to bash him in the face, to not piss of Keith even more. So yeah :/ Eddie's not really such an asshole here with or without Bella, don't worry.**

**Oh yeah! Bella, what happened to home girl over there? Dropping the phone and passing out and shit, pfft crazy bitch xD**

**But what was it that happened? 0.0 Muhahaaha, that's something I know and you need to find out next time. Alright, I think I'm almost done rambling now.**

**Thank you all for the alerts and stuff for my previous chapter! Love you wonderful readers! **

**REVIEW if you want more! Who wants a kiss from Edward? Who cares if he's taken by Bella….want one anyway? c: lol.**

**REVIEW please! **

**Thank you so much**

**Lori**


	19. the way she feels

I held Bella in my arms for more than a second before reacting. When my body finally linked in sync with my senses, I swung her light body into my arms and cradled her against my chest as I half ran into the living room, resulting in me almost knocking over a baffled Esme. She instinctively clamped onto my shoulder, to avert a nasty tumble when she realized Bella's small form encased in my barricade like arms. "What happened?!" Her eyes went wild as she placed a hand against her niece's forehead prior to hastily leading us over to the main long couch. I placed Bella down ever so gently before swiveling around to face the gracious but troubled looking Esme.

Raking my hands through my hair roughly, I responded in a tone that sounded fairly similar to hers, "She was talking to her…mother on the phone when she just dropped it seconds later and collapsed against me. I have no clue what the hell happened. Has something like this ever happened to her before?"

"Not that I know of, no," Esme replied with a vehement shake of her head, "did you catch anything that Bella and Renee could've been speaking of?"

Now it was my turn to shake my head in decline, "No. They got passed a few greetings when I'm guessing something she heard on the line made her pass out."

"I'm going to go ahead and call Carlisle. I should tell him to come home. He's still on call but he thought it'd be better to stay near the hospital just in case they needed him." Esme contemplated over her words. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she glanced down at Bella before returning her gaze back towards me. "Stay with her in the meantime, Edward. Come to me immediately if she wakes up and I'm not in the room. I'll be in the den, right beside the computer room you found her in when you arrived."

I nodded in understanding and turned back towards Bella as Esme disappeared into the narrow hall. Bella lay there with a grievous expression on her face. Her hands where balled into tight fists, making her knuckles seem skeletal and ghostly pale. I bit my lip deliberately whilst reflexively ducked down and lifting Bella's body into my arms for the second time. I spun around slowly and took Bella's previous spot on the couch, but this time she was cradled on my lap, her head resting languidly beneath my chin.

What the fuck could her mother have said to her to make her faint the way that she did? To make her _still_ be unconscious? I wracked my brain for possible explanations, but all that I would conjure was a large blank void.

Seconds had turned to long minutes when I finally heard the screeching protests of tires coming to a halt in the driveway. I whipped my head around as soon as the door burst open, revealing an agitated Carlisle glancing around frantically, until he finally met my gaze and half ran over to the couch. He crouched down before me, placing a thin hand over Bella's hair gently whilst smoothly lifting an eyelid with his unoccupied hand, the other eyelid following soon after. "Esme called and told me what happened. Has she displayed any signs of arousal? Or at least moved at all?"

I shook my head and unclenched my taut jaw, "no. She hasn't even twitched, I've been here the whole time and the only way I know she's actually alive is because I can feel her breathing."

Carlisle nodded and rubbed the back of his neck, "there's not much we can do except wait until she wakes up, and hopefully that's soon."

He stood and glanced down at my arms around Bella before meeting my eyes. There was a tint of gratitude and compassion that burned through his eyes as he bored holes into my face. I stared up at him in uncertainty, feeling like the utmost lab rat in an experiment. "Do you know where Esme is?"

"I uh…yes," I stammered, unsure of how my voice sounded at that moment, "she said that she was going to be in the den."

"Alright, thank you, Edward." He leaned forward and squeezed my shoulder lightly. "Please, yell for us if she wakes up."

"I will," I assured him before he shot me a tight smile and vanishing through the tapered hallway.

Letting out a deep and unnecessary breath, I felt Bella's soft hair rustling against my neck lightly. My head lolled backwards and thumped against the backrest on the couch. I squeezed my eyes shut and attempted to individualize my muddled thoughts. And the concern Bella currently had me in was definitely not helping because that surpassed every other thought running through my head. So when I felt a sudden tingle in my left forearm, my head flew up and I glanced down at Bella. Her nails where digging into my skin and I had to pry her hand off to prevent any blood spill. When I successfully removed her fingers from around my arm, she latched onto my neck as if for dear life. "Bella?" I spoke softly, in hope that she could hear me.

"Bella, please, wake up." I attempted again but to no avail. She stirred in my arms and tears began to abruptly cascade down her flushed cheeks. Instead, I tried a different approach and cleared my throat, "Dr. Cullen!"

I hollered his name as loud as I possibly could without disturbing Bella. Thankfully, seconds later I heard rushed footsteps coming down the hall. Carlisle and Esme appeared with anxious expressions as Carlisle crouched down in front of Bella and Esme hung back behind the couch. "Bella? Bella, honey can you hear me?" Carlisle said in a much too loud voice, obviously trying to awaken her.

Bella squirmed uncomfortably in my lap, burying her head in the crook of my neck. Thank God, at least she was awake now. I tried to push her body away from me somewhat, to get a good look at her and actually speak to her but she had a vice grip around my neck and it was irremovable. I shot Carlisle a worried glance and he placed a hand lightly against Bella's shoulder. "Sweetie, talk to us. What happened?"

Apparently that was the completely incorrect thing to say at the moment because I suddenly felt Bella's entire body tremble and violent sobs began to viciously wrack throughout her chest. I could feel her tears soaking into the collar of my shirt. "Bella, love, please tell us what's wrong. We can't help you if we don't know what the problem is." I whispered lovingly but urgently into her hair.

She shook her head faintly as the sobs quickly diminished into despairing whimpers from her internal anguish. The distress that I still didn't fucking know about.

"So, I'm guessing you all know?" Emmett's deep voice startled and encompassed the atmosphere in the living room. But his tone was off, it wasn't provoking or teasing even, it was poignant. He knew.

Carlisle and Esme turned in his direction at the foot of the stairs instantly. Esme reached out for her son and took his hands in hers. I immediately turned away from their affection; it was an additional piercing splinter to my already wounded fortitude. I trained my eyes on Bella's small form in my arms as I listened intently to the voices in the room.

"Em, what the hell happened?" Carlisle's voice was laced with worry.

"Dad, I'm not sure…I mean, I don't really think that I should be the one telling you this." Emmett hesitated.

I could practically hear Carlisle's jaw clenching, "just tell us. Bella's obviously in no condition to do so."

There was a discomfited silence before Emmett responded in a tight voice. "It's Uncle Charlie. Some bastard with a gun shot him on the job…Aunt Renee called to tell us that he…h-he didn't make it."

_Uncle_ Charlie. Bella's…father? Bella's breathing was coming out in sporadic and ragged puffs at my neck, though her tears continued to soak through my shirt profusely. I tried to listen to the words around me; I tried listening to Carlisle's yells of anger and then his low condolences to his wife. I tried listening to Emmett's heavy footsteps sulking up the steps; I tried listening to anything, anything but my thoughts. But I couldn't. I got sucked into them like a time portal taking me back to my past. Taking me back to a different time, a time where my pain of loss was vast, when I first felt the agony coursing through my veins and ceaselessly damaging my heart.

My head was racing and I could feel the sharp pants escaping my lips when a voice rang louder than before in my ears, mercifully ripping me away from my horrendous and lurid thoughts. "I have to call Renee! I have to know that she's all right." Esme sobbed, whilst stumbling away into the kitchen.

My head snapped up as I saw Carlisle turning back towards me, but kneeling down to be by Bella. I'm guessing he's the one from the family to comfort her. I watched Carlisle warily as he kept his eyes on the back of Bella's head. He sniffled and his nostrils flared in attempt to control his emotions. "I know how hard this must be for you, honey. Trust me; it's hard for us as well. But I just need you to know that we're here for you. Edward's here for you too."

At the mention of my name, I felt Bella's body relax a modest amount against my chest. Carlisle's eyes then momentarily met mine and he mouthed out a '_stay with her, please_'. I gave him a swift but firm nod in assurance that I wouldn't leave her. At that, he ran a hand over his tear streaked face and paced the room before disappearing into the kitchen to most likely join Esme. I swallowed the lump in my throat and instinctively tightened my arms around Bella. "Bella, please say something." I whispered into her ear in deep concern.

I could feel Bella trying to control her shuddering breaths. Once she did so, she leaned away from me slightly to remove her hands from around my neck and slide backwards from my lap. She landed nimbly on the soft cushions of the long couch and thumped her head back against the armrest while tucking her legs up beside her. Her eyes where hooded and distant as she kept them forward, forward at absolutely nothing. Leaning towards her, I cradled her face in my right hand, mindlessly tracing her scar with my thumb. "Bella?"

It was as if she hadn't heard me. I furrowed my eyebrows together and tried to meet her gaze, but she wouldn't even acknowledge my presence. Shit.

I didn't process my following movements through my head before I did them. I flung myself off of the couch whilst somehow managing to seize the back of Bella's knees and shoulders. Keeping the side of her body pressed firmly against my chest, I stalked off towards her room.

As soon as I reached her room, I kicked the door open and seated her gently atop her supple mattress. I searched her now dry and red eyes but couldn't find anything pooling within them. There was no feeling, she seemed almost catatonic. I ran my hands down the sides of her head gently as I leaned into her and placed my lips against her forehead. "Bella, please, for me…say something. _Anything_." I practically begged, leaning away to look at her again.

Her chocolate eyes then flitted over to mine. They weren't the ones I loved and envisioned, but they where close. "I-I want to be alone." Her voice was low and monotone, negated of all emotion. "I'm sorry, Edward. But I…" she trailed off mindlessly. A few tears brimmed over and ran down her cheeks.

I swiftly brushed them away with the pad of my thumbs and gazed back at her. "Don't apologize, love. Just…promise me you'll call me if you need me. Am I making myself clear? If you need me for anything, just call me and I'll be here in a heartbeat."

Bella nodded and her eyes closed before allowing her head to drop against her chest. I kissed the crown of her head lightly before reluctantly rising to my full height and stalking out of her room.

***

Pushing the speed limit severely, I raced around Chicago in a wild frenzy. I was too keyed up to even give a flying fuck about cops and their speedometers. Swerving and dodging slower vehicles I gave no thought to where I was headed. I just drove. With my hands curled tightly around the steering wheel, I would go wherever they took me. Just help me God if it lands me in the middle of a damn river. One thing I was affirmative of though was that they wouldn't take me to Bella's. That's where I was longing to be at the moment. Pressing every line of her body against mine, whispering soothing words into her hair, kissing her softly, where all things I should be doing at this very moment. I should be comforting her, but she wanted to be by herself. She wanted to confront the loss of her father on her own. I know exactly what she's going through, I know exactly the way she feels. And situations such as these are ones that should never have to be faced alone.

I suddenly began to lift my foot off of the accelerator and shifted my foot to press down on the brake, coming to a halt in front of my old house, in front of Stephen's house. My eyes scanned the driveway for Stephen's car but it wasn't there, I somehow knew that this was the way it was going to turn out. Whenever my thoughts and wishes brought me here, it was to a moment when he wasn't. I unlinked my seatbelt and sauntered up to the porch, searching for the key beneath the floor mat. When my fingertips found it, I snatched it up and dully unlocked the door. Kicking the key back under the mat, I walked into the house and slammed the door shut behind me. The house was actually clean this time. There where still a couple of dirty plates here and there and the dust motes where simply unavoidable but all in all Stephen seemed like he was living an almost normal life without me. As I numbly walked through the house and towards my desired destination, a sudden wave of déjà vu washed through over me. Just a couple of weeks ago I was in here doing to exact same thing I had been doing now. I held my breath as I reached the basement and opened the door, silently praying that my beloved instrument was in the same spot I'd left it. I released the breath caught in my throat; it was there in all of its glory.

My brow furrowed as my head tilted in speculation. Apparently I had left my piano exposed so now over the coal black patina there was a thin coating of dust. I shrugged and kept my eyes locked on the wondrous instrument, as if at any given moment it would disappear, much like Bella. They where my equal getaways to another world, a world where people would smile at me for a change, a world where I could almost essentially take pleasure in and look forward to an alright future. Warmth and energy was coursing throughout me like a blazing wildfire, searing through my veins heatedly as I slid onto the burnished stool. I arched my back in and sat ramrod straight while cracking my knuckles promptly and elevating them above ten keys. My eyes fluttered shut and I allowed the notes and tones vouched within my memories to flow through me and into my insipid hands. My fingers barely came in contact with the keys as I played them; they flickered over them quickly, filling my head with new ideas and inspirations. Bella's sweet tune began to develop out of the arbitrary notes I had been playing. New lyrics began to conjure themselves up inside of my head, placing themselves in the perfect order.

It pained me once again to be here. Maybe even more than it did a few weeks ago. Now I was creating a composition with affection and a purpose when before I had played in confusion, in an attempt to sort out my pathetic life. Another verse of libretto's attacked my brain from different directions at that instant, weaving and fitting themselves into the melody flawlessly. My fingers loitered gradually on the keys and picked up yet again at the moment I began to recite the lyrics in my head. I vaguely modified them and switched them around to draw the lyrics to a close smoothly. I shifted my full and undivided attention back to the piano beneath my reflexive fingers, altering and removing the unwanted kinks. Once I felt that it all flowed together in a way that fit, I played it all simultaneously to myself, humming the lyrics lowly under my breath. Smiling to myself, I knew it was complete. Removing the same ballpoint from the piano's stand that I had used last time, I scribbled down on my palm a quick piece of the composition in knowing that I was likely to overlook how to recompose that measure.

***

The not-so-old saying goes that 'time flies by when you're having fun'. And it's in fact accurate; time does fly by when you're having so called _fun_. Due to concluding my symphony victoriously, I raced out of Stephen's house. Memories of his torturous nature began to flood behind my eyes, plunging my thoughts like a crash of waves. So now I was currently driving down the familiar street towards Jason's house. I fished my cheap cellular phone out of my pocket and flipped it open, pressing down the first speed dial button until it displayed the dialed call symbol. The phone clicked after four rings, "hey, Eddie. Wassup?"

I chuckled into the receiver, "Don't ever say that again, Jay…and nothing, on my way to your house. What are you up to?"

"I'm watching the best movie in the world with Kathers. Its brother and sister bonding day," he said with a smile in his voice.

I switched the phone to my right ear, so that I could drive with my left, "fun. What movie?"

"Ghost. I know you love that movie so I'll keep a seat nice and warm for you next to poppa."

I laughed but nodded in assent, "you're right. That is a great movie…wait, hold up I have another line." The low beeping my ear signaled me for an incoming call, so I switched lines without bothering to check who it could've been first.

"Hello?" I questioned into the phone.

There was a long silence on the other end of the line when I thought they'd hung up, but then her muffled and broken voice spoke into my heart, "Edward..."

Bella needs me. Fortunately I neared an intersection at the moment I heard her voice so I instantly popped a U-turn towards her neighborhood. "I'll be right there, Bella."

And then she clicked.

I sighed, switching back to Jason's line and breathing into the phone, "Jason?"

"Yeah, Ed?" I was positive he could hear the sudden distress in my voice that wasn't there before.

"Change of plans. I'm going over to Bella's; I have to be there for her right now."

Jason was instantaneously alert, "why, what's wrong?"

"Her father was murdered. He was shot on the job and she just found out…I don't want her to be alone, Jay." I replied desolately.

Jason gasped, "Holy shit, poor Bella…oh fuck. I hope they're all doing okay after this. Keep me posted, will you? I'll stop by tomorrow and see if they need anything because it's a little late for that now." I glanced at the digital clock on the dashboard and it was later than I formerly presumed. It was 9:40 PM.

"Sure thing, Jay, I will. Talk to you later." I replied sincerely.

"Bye, Eddie." I shut the phone with a whip of my fingers and had it in my pocket a few seconds later.

I reached the Cullen house in a matter of minutes due to my reckless driving. Stomping on the brake and setting the car in park, I turned the key out of the ignition and clambered out of the vehicle, pressing the lock button on the key as I neared the porch. Instead of knocking as usual, I rang the doorbell and the door swung open almost instantly. Alice was standing there with unkempt spiky hair and puffy red eyes. Sympathy washed through me for this family, this must be so awful for them. Without giving it much thought, I leaned forward and gave Alice's hand a gentle squeeze and kissed her cheek lightly. "How're you holding up, pix?"

She chuckled at the nickname despite the state she was in, "I'm dealing, we all are. It's horrible but there's nothing we could've done. And how're you, Edward?"

"Sad that you all have to go through this," I gave her a sympathetic look and she punched my arm lightly. This little chick sure had a spirit. I mentally scorned myself for ever thinking badly of her.

"You're a sweetie, Edward. Really, you are," Alice half smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes, "oh, and she's in her room if you're wondering."

I nodded, "I figured she'd still be in there. She seems to be a suffer in silence type."

Alice nodded and fiddled with her fingers as she sidestepped out of my path. I turned in her direction before walking past her and much to my surprise embraced her in a one-armed hug, "Hey, it's all going to be all right. Just give it time and it'll all get better, okay?"

She nodded against my shoulder before releasing me. I shot her a tight lipped smile before bounding up the three flights of stairs and up to Bella's bedroom. I ran a hand through my reddish hair and gave a low knock on the wood before opening the door and shutting it behind me. I turned towards the spot where I had left Bella hours before. Instead of seated at the edge of the bed, she had thankfully curled over the comforter with her back to me. Before even considering my subsequent movements, I kicked off my shoes, dumped the contents in my pockets on her bedside table and peeled the thermal long sleeve shirt off of my back. I slid the covers out from underneath Bella's form, and swathed it over her body, whilst effortlessly tucking my body in behind hers. I scooted behind Bella's body, pressing every line of her clothed back against my bare warm chest and draped my right arm over her waist. But as soon as it came in mere contact with her waist, she seized my arm in her hands and clutched it to her chest strongly. I stretched out my torso and positioned my head above hers on the pillow. "Edward," her voice was thick and tight from crying, "Can you sing to me?"

"I'll sing for you if its helps keep the hurt at bay," I alleged, before softly humming the tune I'd created earlier and inundating us both in darkness.

_Intense sleet and vicious wind speed chilled me to the bone as I stood at the top of a cliff. I glanced around wildly, trying to orient and familiarize myself with my surroundings but my eyes halted when they met Keith's sardonic and icy blue ones. He grinned at me disturbingly and balled his hands up into tight fists, repetitively clenching and unclenching them to make them crack. I narrowed my eyes at him and waited for his primary utterance, but he just stared back at me, with an almost amused expression plastered onto his face. "What do you want, Keith?"_

_He mocked and acted as if he where taken aback by my words, "What do I want? You're the one that showed up here, Masen."_

_Why would I follow Keith when I wanted to have nothing to do with him? Instead, I veered off on that topic and took a different approach. "Why are you having some of the guys follow me?" I had to shout, I could barely hear myself from the downpour cascading overhead, drenching my hair and the clothes on my back. _

"_Eh, your bitch is pissing me off," he shrugged nonchalantly, "I don't know, she's just so in the way, don't you think?"_

_A loud and guttural rumble began to crescendo from deep inside of my chest, "that's not a reason for you to follow me. Why are you fucking spying on me, Keith?"_

"_Fine fine, there's no need to go all soap opera mode," He rolled his eyes at my abrupt demand. "You came to us because you had nobody left in your life. You came to us seeking guidance and companionship, which we willingly gave you and Cooper both. So we practically accepted you with open and eager arms, I accepted you with open arms. I set you two best friends as my main flanks, thrilled to see what we could all accomplish together. But then she came into the picture and all of that changed in the blink of an eye. She changed you, even if you don't see it. We all see it, you think you're better than the rest of us but you're not. You're more fucked up than half the guys, just because you have a new girl in your life, you think you can just get rid of us and your past so easily? Well think again, soon enough she's going to get tired of your ass, and when she does don't you dare try coming back to us. Because I swear to fucking God that I'll kill you if we just look like your second choice, your back up plan when all goes downhill with your bitch."_

_I struggled to keep my temper in check. My entire form was shuddering violently from the fury and irritation coursing through my body. "Bella's not like that. She's different; she wouldn't do something like that to me. And don't worry; I would never come crawling back to you if things do end up badly between us. I would never endanger my life again for the torture and pain of others. You guys are so fucking callous; I'd be living under a bridge before ever going back to you."_

_Keith clasped his hands together and brought them to his lips as he contemplated my words. His hands then dropped to his sides and he took three long strides towards me. I stood my ground, its time I fucking defended myself for once. "You know, for some strange reason, I can see through that little lie of yours. You need us, Edward. You need to fight to work out your frustrations, much like your step father. How is he, by the way? I haven't heard about him in quite a while."_

"_I moved out," I replied, my jaw clenched as I battled to not ram my fist into his face._

_Keith's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "well well well, Edward here's all independent now isn't he! Leaving his past behind and leaving the only ones that can help him. Now, if you ask me, that's not a very smart thing to do. What're you going to do now that you don't have fighting as a release? You going to hit Bella?"_

_I roared in anger and shoved him away from me as hard as I could, "I would never fucking do that! I would never hit her, so shut the fuck up you bastard!"_

_Keith's eyes narrowed for the least bit when his ensuing movements stunned us both. He retaliated and shoved against my chest with a greater amount of force. I threw my left leg out behind me to catch my fall, but it was met with air, not earth. Before I knew it I was tumbling and soaring through cold precipitation and wind. I rammed my eyes closed and took a deep breath before plunging deeply into the awaiting freezing black sea beneath me. My body crashed against the waves fiercely, heaving me around in different directions as I fought against them to reach the surface. But it was all a wasted attempt. I sunk deeper into the dark frigid water as the crashing tidal waves continued hauling me, crashing my weak body against what I felt where boulders and pinning me to their sides. My head was racing as I allowed my instincts to take control of my movements, in hope that they could break me through the surface that seemed to be miles away. My legs coiled behind me, pressing up against the boulder, before pushing off forcefully._

_I soared upwards through the arctic waters, keeping my eyes trained on the thin line between suffocation and breathing. But another crashing wave assaulted me from behind and I tumbled downward once again, into the bottomless black pit of never-ending stream. My lungs where ablaze, they where searing from the lack of oxygen that should have been flowing to my blood and through my lungs. My eyes stung form the saltwater pooling in them; I shut them tight so that I wouldn't have to see what was evidently going to be my demise. A sudden voice was calling and shouting from the back of my mind. "Edward!" It yelled in utter anguish. My eyes shot open as I ignored the familiar voice and kept flailing my arms and legs around brutally. "Edward, please! Fight against it! You're stronger than you think!" His voice was closer now, as if it where right by my ear, coaxing and reassuring me that I could battle against this, that I could prevail. _

_An unexpected vivid and fluid movement before me made me want to wrestle against the malevolent waters all the more. I disregarded Jason's pleads and cries to save myself, for my mother was here with me. The beautiful woman in black with bronze ringlets spewed out around her still face was floating beside me. Elizabeth's striking emerald eyes where inert and hard as I gazed into them despairingly, her face equivalently masked in one of serenity and tranquility. My limbs halted in the center of my struggles. My vision suddenly began to obscure despite my exhausted commands. My numb and blue lips parted indistinctly, but that diminutive slit forced a mouthful of water to plunge deeply along my throat, finally collapsing and breaking down my lungs._

* * *

**So yeah, here is your update guys. For some reason, I have nothing to say about this chapter. Hopefully it was successful. It's been a horrible day and week for me. My family and I are dealing with a lot of shit right now. I just can't deal *sigh* whatever.**

**Review please, they'll make me update faster and I just like hearing from you all.**

**So REVIEW, thank you.**

**Lori**


	20. when the waves are crashing

My throat was tight and constricted as my heart hammered furiously against my ribcage. My eyes remained closed as I fought to catch my breath, inhaling, exhaling. It felt like the most difficult task in the world. These fucking nightmares are frying me, most likely programming my stress level to an incredible high. I shied away from the thoughts circling my anomalous dream as the oxygen began to finally flow easily through my lungs. I gradually opened my stinging eyes. They flitted around Bella's room momentarily before landing on Bella herself, curled in against my chest. I didn't even take notice until now the positions we where in. I had my arms around Bella's waist as her hands lay fisted against my chest. Her legs where situated almost as a barrier between her body and mine, but I could tell she had subconsciously positioned them that way throughout the night. My eyes scanned up from her legs and towards her face. She had worry lines between her thin eyebrows and dried tear streaks falling along her cheeks. My heart was aggrieved for her, she'd cried in her sleep. I unwound an arm from around her waist and reached up towards her face, brushing away a few strands of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes. I lightly traced the contours of her face with my fingertips, relishing the striking magnificence and smoothness of her pale skin.

Bella stirred beneath my soft touch. Her small fists on my chest tensed and pushed against me strongly, but I curled my fingers around her much too skinny upper arm and disregarded her protesting actions. When she finally surrendered and realized that I wasn't going to budge and leave her, her legs stretched out and she fell limp against my body. She burrowed her head deep inside my chest and a low, heart wrenching whimper escaped her. I ran my hand down her arm and wove it around her back, sliding her body even closer to mine, if that where possible. Sudden moisture on my chest as Bella controlled her ragged breathing began to trickle down against my skin. Knowing it was her tears; I buried my face in her silken hair and breathed in her heady scent. "Bella," I sighed, lacing everything I was feeling in that sole word, in her name.

"Why did this happen?" Her voice was thick and pained as her short nails skidded against my chest and traced the lines of my many battle scars. Her mindless and gentle touch caused a shiver to ripple down my spine and I gritted my teeth together, suppressing a moan. This was definitely not the moment for that. Bella didn't deserve any of this, this shouldn't have transpired, she's ideal, she's perfect. Her life should be perfect.

I ran a hand over her lush hair, calming her with my actions. "That's something that no one can answer, love. It just happens."

Her body trembled against me and I kissed her hair, unconsciously stroking the nape of her neck with my palm. "It's not fair."

"Life isn't fair." That was the second time I've ever said that to Bella, the foremost being when we where at Jason's house. That was the first time she told me to be careful, the first time I grasped the fact that part of her essentially cared for me. My attention was snapped back towards the present as Bella sucked in a long and shuddering breath and unwound my arms from her around her back. I reluctantly released her from my embrace and she pushed against my chest with her small hands, rising towards the edge of the bed. Watching her as she stood from the mattress with a slight waver to her footing, I tensed, instantly prepared to soar out of the bed and catch her if she collapsed. But she regained composure quickly and walked towards her dresser, slowly grabbing clothes out of half open drawers. She made it towards the entrance of her bathroom before turning around to face me.

"I'm going to go shower. You can leave if you want," she whispered, her voice withdrawn and coarse.

I swung my legs off of the side of the bed and bounded over to where she stood, her eyes sweeping over my form when I remembered the attire I was in. Faded ripped jeans, that's it. Despite the condition she was in, bless her heart, an inviting flush covered her cheeks. And I couldn't help but smile as I reached her, cradling her face in my hands and kissing her softly. "I'll only be gone for a moment. I'm just going to go take a quick shower and change, I won't be gone long."

She nodded her head against my lips when she suddenly pulled away and disappeared inside of the bathroom without a second glance in my direction. Breathing loudly, I quickly collected my things scattered around her bedroom and left. The moment my foot connected with the last step on the staircase I cursed myself for not putting my shirt on before. Standing there in low conversation was Carlisle and Alice. They both glanced up at me when they saw me appear there with eyes as wide as a deer's caught in headlights. I immediately met Carlisle's red rimmed eyes and words began to spill out of my mouth without consent from my brain, "I just…we didn't-"

He sighed and raised his hand to stop me mid-stammer, "its fine, Edward. I understand."

I nodded slowly and swallowed thickly as I kept my eyes low and nearly ran out of the house. Once I was safely surrounded by the Volvo's leather interior, I dumped everything in my hands in the passenger seat and sped towards Jason's house. Upon arrival, I scampered out of the vehicle and entered the house with the spare key beneath the flower pot. I gratefully didn't run into anyone as I stalked into the guest room and collected clothes for the day whilst heading into the empty restroom for a quick hot shower. The complete routine felt like a haze as I quickly lathered my body in foamy soap and then washed my hair thoroughly, allowing the hot water to pound against my skin and wash away the soap afterwards. I finished hastily and threw on my only pair of dark wash straight jeans, and a white v-neck. The moment I had my phone, wallet and keys stuffed in my pockets, I shrugged on a black hoodie and sauntered towards the front door. "I hear you back there, Eddie. Get your ass over here for a second." Jason's voice rang loudly from the living room.

I chuckled and ran a hand through my damp hair, shaking it out after so that it won't slick back. When I turned the corner towards the living room, Jason was seated lazily on the couch pushed back against the wall and a foot perched up on the coffee table. I kicked his foot off of the wood before plummeting into the love seat beside the couch. "So, what do you need?"

He glanced at me and smirked, his bright blue eyes teasing and mischievous as he turned back towards the TV. "Why do you think you're here, Edward?"

"Why do I think I'm on Earth?" I asked in confusion. Well, I could conjure up many reasons why I _shouldn't_ be on Earth.

Jason scoffed and lowered the volume slightly with the remote control, "no you dumbass, why do you think I called you over here?"

"I don't know. To talk to me about something, why else?" I asked in a bored tone to piss him off.

He rolled his eyes and settled them on me once again, "okay really? You suck. Yes, I called you over here to talk, but what do you think it's about?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? I don't read minds," I chuckled, leaning back against the seat.

He stared at me intently before finally switching off the TV and giving me his undivided attention, "you really can't figure it out?"

I raised my eyebrows at Jason, a mock expression covering my features. "Oh wait, let me guess! Bella."

"See, I knew you weren't a compete idiot," Jason shot me a half smile and his eyebrows furrowed together before his demeanor went entirely serious. "How is she with her whole father passing away?"

I exhaled and pinched the bridge of my nose briefly, "to tell you the truth, I have no fucking idea, Jay. She hasn't said much since yesterday and it's scaring the shit out of me. I don't know what to, I have to help her. I have to be there for her. She can't be alone through this; she'll rupture beneath the weight of it all. She's too breakable…" I trailed off, lost in the confines of my frazzled head.

There was a following silence that wafted the air between Jason and me. I stared down at my clasped hands in my lap as I battled with my screaming thoughts. "You're in love with her, Edward." At first, I believed I had said that in my brain, but I realized it wasn't me when the voice didn't match my own.

My head snapped up and I met Jason's penetrating stare observing me, "what?"

"You're in love with her." He repeated in an assured tone.

My hands flew up from my lap and ran themselves roughly through my hair, "it was a rhetorical question. Why would you say that though? I barely even know her, Jason."

Jason shook his head slowly, leaning forward and resting his forearms against his thighs. "Because you do, Edward. You love her and you don't even see it-"

"Of course I _care_ for her, but-"

"Let me finish and then you can talk all you want," He cut me off before I could continue. "When you look at Bella, what do you see? No forget it, don't answer that question. I'm going to tell you what I see in your eyes when you're looking at her. I see a man who hasn't really smiled in more than a year until she came along. I see a man who now cares for what happens to himself, who wants to live to see the future. And I see a man who's happy, who's content and overjoyed with emotion despite any other shit that could be happening in his life. Edward, listen to me when I'm telling you this, you may not know every smitten detail about her, but you're willing to learn them over time. Time isn't even much, it all narrows down to the way you feel, the way you feel in your heart…all you have to do is listen to it."

My thoughts where obscured. I couldn't think, I couldn't speak, I couldn't even form a coherent thought. It took me a few long moments to realize that those words had escaped Jason's lips, the same Jason who used to stick straws up his nose because he wanted to look like a walrus. I flexed my jaw and attempting to speak but when I opened my mouth, no sound surpassed my lips. Without thinking, I shot up from the seat and strutted towards the front door, muttering a 'call you later' on my way out.

***

I ripped though the streets with the preceding scene replaying over and over in my head like a broken record. Jason's words, the way he spoke them, was there sincere truth in them? I shook my head and ran a hand through my now dry hair, attempting but failing to clear away my confused and questioning thoughts as I reached the Cullen household. I patted my back pocket briefly, clarifying that I had my wallet and license with me, and leaped up onto the porch. I was just about to bang my fist against the door when a sudden burst of courage coursed through me. Shrugging, I turned the knob to the unlocked door and peeked inside. I could hear the family's voices, but couldn't see them. "Hello?" No one acknowledged to have heard me. I followed the sounds of their voices to the kitchen and stood beside the wall that leads inside. "-don't worry, sweetheart. We're paying for everything, so I don't want you worrying about it." Esme's voice was genuine but I could tell she was mourning inside.

"I don't know about this. I can fish out what I have in my savings to pay for it; I don't want you guys doing this for me as well. You've already accepted me into your home; I can't accept your money too." At the sound of Bella's sweet voice, my heart literally faltered. If I wasn't smart enough, I would've sworn I was going into cardiac arrest.

Carlisle's voice then filled the atmosphere inside the kitchen, "Bella, honey, listen to me. We have more than enough money. We're paying for it whether you like it or not. Charlie was my brother; of course we're going to help with this. We're going to pay for your plane ticket back to Renee's next weekend and you're going to go see her. It's your decision whether you want to move back to Forks or stay here. Just remember, you're always welcome in our home. You're like a second daughter to Esme and I."

My body immediately went immobile, my muscles where taut and mindlessly flexing beneath my skin as I quenched down the betrayal and hurt coursing its way through my veins. Bella's…leaving? The sedated organ in my chest was pounding furiously, pulsing boiling blood through my inert system as I fought to maintain the only peace of mind I had left. But before I could collapse due to the intense thoughts attacking and rattling my brain, I took in a deep breath and walked into the kitchen. Huddled around the counter together where Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Bella. I met each and every pair of eyes, except the chocolate ones I'd been yearning to see. I couldn't meet her gaze yet, knowing that if I did, I'd end up on my knees pleading for her to stay in Chicago, pleading for to stay with me. "I was…" I cleared my throat and held Carlisle's stare, "the front door was unlocked, and I had told…Bella that I'd be back soon."

He nodded in understanding and glanced back towards his niece, whom I still couldn't really see straight. I could feel her eyes on my face though, tempting me to glance at her but I couldn't yet, I wouldn't. "Bella, consider what I've just told you. We'll leave so you two can have some time to talk."

At that, the three Cullen's shuffled out of the kitchen. I kept my eyes trained on the wall behind Bella's head. I didn't know what to say to her, let alone how to fucking start. She placed her warm hand against the insignificant stubble on my jaw, "I'm sorry."

My eyes then finally snapped towards hers. Her beautiful orbs where glistening with tears, "why the fuck are you sorry?"

"F-for acting this way, Edward. I'm sorry for not being more appreciative to you, for not being good enough for you." She replied dejectedly.

I furrowed my eyebrows and gazed down into her eyes, searching them for the truth behind her words. Shoving my hands into my pockets, I narrowed my eyes at her. "You really believe that, Bella?"

She glanced down at her trembling hands and nodded slowly. I scoffed and spoke through my teeth, "Do you not understand the way I feel about you?"

"I understand…I just don't know why you do." She answered with a slight waver to her voice.

Not even bothering to explain and clarify things for her, I took a different approach. I had to know what she was going to do, it would forever pick at my sanity if I didn't confront her about it now. "You're leaving next weekend. Are you staying there?"

Bella captured her bottom lip between her perfect gleaming teeth. Distress flared upon her expression as she practically gnawed her lip off. It took her a while to meet my emerald gaze once again. "I-I don't know."

I clenched my jaw and my subsequent movements where all done on pure instinct. My mind wouldn't process my demands or my body just wouldn't receive them, but I seized one of Bella's quivering small hands in mine and tugged her body behind me as I fled the kitchen, making my way into the only narrow hallway that led towards the den. The first time I had been here, the first night when I was invited for dinner, I couldn't help but poke around when Bella was speaking with her aunt. Before observing the pictures along the wall, I had peeked inside of the den where a battered, but gorgeous nonetheless, upright piano was set. I was so close to playing it and creating new compositions when I remembered that it wasn't my house. It wasn't my instrument.

But now, heading towards that same mechanism, I knew I could do this. I would show Bella how much she meant to me, how much she's changed me, how much she's affected me. Once I'd led us both into the den, I walked straight towards the piano and slid over the bench before it. I whipped my head around to face Bella; she was standing there eyeing me warily. "Edward, what're you…"

I reached out towards her with my right arm and gently hauled her down next to me. "Since when do you…what're…" she kept on mumbling words along those lines, I'm not quite sure if she realized she was speaking them aloud though.

Then abruptly and all at once, the fear and anxiety began to trickle forward into my arms. The palms of my hands broke out into a cold sweat as I quickly ran them over my jeans and took deep breaths. The pulse beating behind my ears was deafeningly loud, inundating me in a constant concentration. I placed my fingers over the keys that etched into my memory and cleared my throat smoothly, "Bella,

_Watch your step, love is broken  
I am every tear you cry  
Save your breath, your heart has spoken  
You already have my life_

I took a deep breath between verses and gazed down at my hands as they moved faultlessly above the keys. Barely touching them, but filling the room with an intricate melody. My eyes fluttered shut as I commenced the chorus, belting out the diverse but beautiful emotions that I felt for Bella.

_For I am finding out that love will kill and save me  
Taking the dreams that made me up  
And tearing them away  
But the same love will take this heart, that's barely beating  
And fill it with hope beyond the stars  
Only love_

_Another day, another sunrise  
Washing over everything  
In its time, love will be mine  
The beauty and the tragedy_

Bella and Edward, the beauty and the tragedy. It described us perfectly. She's stolen my heart and taken it into her care, into her life and into her safekeeping.

_For I am finding out that love will kill and save me  
Taking the dreams that made me up  
And tearing them away  
But the same love will take this heart, that's barely beating  
And fill it with hope beyond the stars  
Only love  
Only love, love, love_

The emotions seeping into my words where implausible, it felt as if the remnants of my heart where going to shatter, fracture and never mend.

_For I am finding out that love will kill and save me"_

I held down the final key with my finger as my voice trailed off on the final lyric. I sighed and lifted my hands away, placing them in my lap.

Hesitantly conjuring the valor to face Bella, I took a shuddering breath and twisted my torso in her direction. But what I saw was farther from what I was expecting. She had tears pouring down her cheeks as she gaped up at me with confused but sparkling eyes. Did she like it?

I reached up with my left hand and brushed her tears away with the pad of my thumb, cradling her face in my hand soon after. Leaning forward slightly, I placed my lips against her forehead, "you already have my life, love."

* * *

**Um, hit or miss? I think this chapter came out like shit. I hated it -.- Feedback is much appreciated since I rarely got any for my last chapter! *glares* (I'll shout out to the two readers who always review in a second).**

**Song: The Beauty & The Tragedy by Trading Yesterday. They're amazing, and their songs are all beautiful, especially this one. Well, I decided to put this as the song Edward composed for Bella because it sounded right for them, it described them and the way he feels for her. I love that song so much, and IF you want to listen to it, there's a link to it on my profile and just imagine the song with only a piano accompaniment. It sounds pretty c: ahaha. OH, and you saw where it says "But the same love will take this heart, that's barely beating"? Yeah, that's how I got the title to this story c: 3**

**Anyway, I know it was a kind of short chapter, but it was important as you read. Bella doesn't know what to do. Stay in Chicago, or go back to Forks with her grieving mother? No one knows, except Bella…and me lol.**

**Poor Edward :/….AND JASON! Omfg. *arm flails* he's so fucking adorable, fucking love him ;DD**

**Oh yeah, and the shout outs go out to, **_**Moonlightdarkness724, Tinker03 and WerewolfLvr. **_**You three are wonderful and always review! So I sincerely thank you for leaving me your thoughts! (:**

**So, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter…and the last one which I worked real hard on -.- Lol I already have the next chapter played out in my head, so if you want it, review.**

**[Btw, sorry about being such a downer in my last author's note xD we're okay now lol]**

**REVIEWERS get a kiss from the smexy Jason!! C'mon, don't lie I know none of you can ever resist a kiss from someone as adorable as him. ;)) Well I sure can't lmfao.**

**So REVIEW, please. **

**Thank you**

**Lori**


	21. a beautiful ending?

It's Thursday and I'm in fucking pre-calculus. What the hell am I going to need this for when I graduate? It's not like I'm planning on using numbers and shit in a possible future career. The fucking school counselor realized a little too late that many students had not acquired a mathematics course. So they fucked up a shitload of our schedules and crammed it in there. But I'm grateful that I didn't get transferred out of any of the classes that I have with Bella, because if they would have, I'd probably be in detention right about now for cursing out the school faculty. In fact, we did get Biology and English switched around, but to the same period so we where satisfied. Four days have passed from when I sang to Bella, when I conveyed the way I felt for her. At first, I'd thought she despised it, but then she smashed her soft lips against mine and I knew then that she felt the same way. She was meant for me, she cured me when I thought I'd gone incurable. We haven't argued let alone disagreed on anything whatsoever these past few days. Neither of us could bring up anything despondent to speak of. I knew she was just burying her feelings deep inside of her, sheathing them with a confident pretense. But I wasn't going to just ruin her disposition and confront her about it, so I played along with it for her sake.

I haven't heard from the gang since the last fight. I remember reaching the bridge and ripping through the street the second Jason and Matt slammed the doors of the Volvo shut. I didn't want to be near them, I couldn't be near them any longer because I knew If I had remained and faced Keith soon after, I would have regretted it. Jason had stated that we should've spoken to him after the brawl, but a complication had ensued and well we haven't come around to it yet. None of them have called or contacted us, except for Landon asking Jason and me for permission to take Kathy out again. As much as I didn't enjoy the fact that they where together, I knew I couldn't keep them apart. Landon's good for Kathy, he makes her happy and we can't just take that away from her. But the fact that he's still connected to the gang doesn't make anything any easier; Kathy could be a liability, along with Bella.

I have also grown quite fond of her cousins and their other halves. I had spent Sunday at Bella's, learning more about her likes, dislikes and even the many years she spent with her parents. When I realized that the conversation had grown somber, I had dragged her down the stairs towards the living room to watch movies with Emmett and Alice. They had apparently invited Jasper and Rosalie Hale, who had arrived a few minutes prior to me making an appearance in the room. Much to my surprise, Emmett shot me a half smirk, Jasper literally bumped his fist against mine and Alice, that fucking random ass pixie, tackled me down into a bone crushing hug. Rosalie on the other hand, had remained secluded beneath Emmett's arm around her; I could feel her eyeing me warily as I sat on the ground and tugged Bella down to sit on my lap. I disregarded her gaze though and placed my lips to Bella's hair tenderly as Alice picked a movie from the DVD rack. At least I was accepted. Not that I cared much anyway because I would be with Bella no matter what they thought of me.

The shrilling bell chimed for my next class, breaking me out of my stupor and making me realize that I just missed an entire lecture on functions…eh too fucking bad. I leaped up from my desk and exited the classroom, weaving through other students towards my destination. I bounded down the long hallway and turned the next corner towards Bella's locker. By now, the hallway's where almost cleared but I knew she'd be waiting for me there; Bio was in the same corridor so we wouldn't be late. My eyes scanned the lockers on the left side of the wall, but when they reached Bella in front of her locker, my steps faltered and my hands instinctively clenched into tight fists. Standing there, with both arms outstretched and pressed against the metal on either side of Bella's head, was Sean. That wasn't what infuriated me the most though; the fact that he was caging her in and so fucking close to her is what really fucking pissed me off. I trailed my feet silently behind him and Bella's confident but anxious gaze flitted over to mine and then back to his. But before I could even react, one of his hands flew down and seized Bella roughly by the jaw and rammed his lips to hers, hard. My arms swung out in front of me, grasping the back of his leather jacket and heaved. I flung him back into the lockers behind us and he collided against them fiercely. I pivoted in his direction and could imagine what my face looked like because he was cowering away from me in obvious fear. Without thinking, I stalked up to him and rammed my foot into his face, blood spurted out from his nose and mouth as a loud wail escaped him.

I towered over Sean and knelt down, grabbing him fiercely by the neck and dragging him up to his feet. I dug my nails into the sides of his throat and brought his face inches away from mine, "If you get near Bella, let alone glance in her direction, ever again, I swear I'll do more than just rearrange your face. Got it?"

He moaned and his eyes met mine momentarily, they where filled with…humor? My choke hold tightened considerably, blocking his airways. "Got it?" I sneered.

He nodded quickly and I tossed him away from me, his footing abated resulting in him falling backwards. I was just about to step towards him again when he scrambled up to his feet and jogged off down the hall. I kept my stance, waiting until he disappeared completely and I instantly took deep breaths to subside my temper. Once I felt that I wasn't going to ram my fist into a damn wall, I leisurely turned towards Bella. I met her warm chocolate eyes and they where afraid, no afraid would be an understatement, she was terrified. She was terrified of me. Her back was pressed firmly against the lockers and I took a step away from her, keeping my arms down along my sides. They where aching to hold her. "I would never hurt you." I said softly, the astonishment lacing itself around the words. Could she really believe that I'd hit her?

Bella seemed confused for a moment but soon pushed away from the lockers and stepped towards me. She brought her arms up and wrapped them around my chest, burying her head in the crook of my neck, "why would you say that? I know you would never hurt me, Edward."

I wrapped my arms around her waist tightly, "then why'd you look so afraid of me?"

She chuckled into my hoodie and leaned back to look at my face. "Because I thought you where going to kill him."

"In a public place? I'm smarter than that, love…maybe while he's walking home I can lightly hit him with the Volvo." I grinned mischievously. The funny part was that I was actually dead serious, but Bella wouldn't like that very much.

She cocked an eyebrow and fiddled with the small hairs at the nape of my neck, "and your definition of a 'light hit' is knocking him into a river?"

"Maybe," I teased. I subconsciously furrowed my brow and stared into Bella's eyes, reading them. "Are you alright though? Did he do anything?"

"Besides shove his tongue down my throat? No." Bella's face scrunched up in disgust and she released her hold on my neck to wipe a hand over her mouth.

My arms where taut in anger as I struggled to keep my voice calm, "I should have broken his neck."

"No, Edward, no his neck will stay intact and…well not broken. Let's get to class already." She curled her fingers around my wrist in attempt to get me to move, but I wouldn't budge.

My eyes narrowed as I stared into hers. She seemed frightened, again. "Sean told you something didn't he…what did he tell you?"

Bella raked a trembling hand through her hair and averted my gaze, "he didn't tell me anything, let's just go we're late."

I crossed my arms tightly over my chest and read her like an open book, "you're lying, tell me what he told you."

"I'm not lying, come on let-"

I clenched my jaw, "Bella."

She sighed and placed her hands on her hips, meeting my eyes once again. "Okay fine, you want to know what he told me? He said that you don't really want me. He said that you're going to just toss me away when you get tired of being with me…that he'll be waiting for me when it happens. Happy to know now?"

"That motherfucker," I pinched the bridge of my nose in aggravation. "Bella, you know better than to believe him, right?"

There was a moment of silence between my voice and her response. But when she did respond, her voice was soft and almost inaudible. "Do I?"

I snapped my eyes open and gaped at her, embracing her almost immediately and pulling her against my chest. "Of course, Bella, how can you even think that way? After everything I've told you…after how much I've let you in, you…you truly think that I'll just leave you?" Astonishment was the only expression registering on my face at the moment. I composed a song about us, for her, the way I feel about her, and she thinks I'll just toss her away? "You know better than to believe anything any of the guys tell you."

"I'm sorry; I know you're right. I just wasn't thinking straight when he told me that. He just…made me nervous. He's gross, and I didn't like him so close to me." Bella huffed out quickly, her words meshing together.

I leaned away from her and cradled her heart-shaped face in my hands, "You know that I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You're safe with me."

Bella nodded wearily and closed the distance between us with her lips. She knitted her smooth fingers through my hair and much too soon pulled away from me. "Come on, we're really late to class. Let's go."

Ignoring her remark, I pressed my lips to hers again and gently grazed my tongue along hers. "What's the point in even going?" I spoke between kisses, our breaths mingling.

"Is that your way of saying let's just skip?" She pushed forward against my chest to grin at me.

I stared down at her briefly before a crooked smile crept up onto my face, "yes?"

"I don't usually make a habit of these things," Bella mused, "but what the hell, we only live once."

"Watch the langu-"

"Oh, shut up." She laughed before intertwining her small hand in mine and tugging me towards the double doors by the front of the school. We, meaning Bella, kept watch around corners as we passed hall after hall, to make sure we didn't get caught by any of the faculty. After successfully exiting the school, we bounded over to the Volvo and clambered in. Bella was practically vibrating in excitement after I pulled out of the parking lot and sped down the main street. "So, what do you want to do?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. I thought maybe you'd think of something."

She ceased jumping in her seat and glanced out of the passenger side window. "How would I know, it's not like I've ever ditched before."

"You've never skipped school before?" I asked bewildered. "Well great, now I feel bad."

Bella twisted towards me in her seat, crossing her legs over the leather. "Feel bad for what? You've skipped before?"

"A shitload of times, I wouldn't be surprised if they held me back a year." I chuckled, "and I feel bad because I'm ruining your 'good girl' streak."

"My good girl streak? Edward, I'm not as innocent as I look." Bella clarified whilst lightly skimming the veins on my forearm above the armrest with her fingertips. She's right though, she isn't as innocent as she looks. She has a fucking tattoo for crying out loud. But there's a reason behind it, an understandable one.

Without responding, I peeked through the rearview mirror and popped an immediate U-turn back towards the school. My foot gradually added pressure onto the accelerator and I stole a glance at Bella to make sure she had her seatbelt on. She did. Good. By the time I reached the school and skidded into the same parking spot beside the TT, I knew where I was headed. I climbed out of the Volvo and jogged over to the passenger side to open the door for Bella. Once she was out of the vehicle, I laced my fingers amid hers and tugged her towards the forest behind the school.

Subsequent to crunching leaves beneath our shoes and sidestepping overgrown ferns and bushes, we reached the clearing surrounding the massive tree. The sun was set perfectly today, illuminating brightly behind the twisted branches, creating an aura around Bella's silhouette. She released my hand and crossed her arms tightly over her chest, slouching in on herself. I turned towards her and raked a hand through her hair, resting it at the nape of her neck soon after. "Are you all right?"

Bella bit down on her bottom lip and locked gazes with mine. As she stared into my emerald eyes, hers began to instantaneously fill with tears. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

* * *

**Sorry, I know REALLY short chapter. But at least it's a chapter, and well stuff happened. Bella be leaving….leavin'…leavin'…on that midnight train to Georgia…leavin' on that midnight train…OKAY, that was totally uncalled for. But that song popped into my head when I typed she was leaving XD**

**Anyway, sorry if this chapter sucked. But too bad, it was important. Poor Edward, what's he going to do now? D':**

**Is Bella staying in Forks? O.O Hehe I hope none of you are too angry with me.**

**Hopefully you all enjoyed this chapter! Don't have much to say in this a/n, so yeah lol.**

**Thank you all for the wonderful alerts on the last chapter, they where great! :)**

**REVIEW this one and I'll update soon. **

**So yeah, REVIEW and let me know what you thought…please (:**

**Thank you**

**Lori **


	22. the lonely heart tonight

My left hand was clutching onto the top of the steering wheel as I bored holes into the stoplight with my penetrating stare. The moment it switched from red to yellow, I seemed like an asshole to the driver idling in front of me as I revved the engine impatiently. So when it reached green, I stomped on the accelerator and in my haste, swerved around the vehicle to reach my destination. I reached the Cullen mansion quickly and checked the time on my phone as I bounded up onto the adorned wraparound porch. Six-thirty AM, I still have time to drive her to the airport before school. I knocked lightly on the front door just in case Esme was still in bed and leaned against the wall, waiting. The door swung open soon after and there stood Emmett in a pair of basketball shorts and unkempt hair. Seeing his arms and chest unsheathed by a piece of clothing made me instinctively take a small step back. "What're you doing here?" He questioned, bumping his fist against mine.

I chuckled soullessly, "the reason why I'm usually here, Em."

"What do you mean?" He replied, leaning against the door frame.

I stared at him ineptly and ran a hand through my hair, which had grown considerably since Alice had given it a trim. "Uh, Bella?"

"You already knew that she was leaving today." He said, crossing his large arms over his chest.

Grimacing, I replied, "Yeah, I know. That's why I'm here…to take her to the airport."

Emmett's eyebrow's shot up and what seemed to be understanding settled upon his features, "Oh, well shit. She didn't tell you, did she…"

"Tell me what?" I asked, reflecting his movements and crossing my arms tightly.

He brushed back the curly locks of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes and sighed, "Dude, my dad drove her to the airport about an hour ago. She took an earlier flight and he offered to drop her off on the way to the hospital. I figured she would have told you, man."

My jaw flexed involuntarily, clenching and unclenching, "So did I."

"Sorry, Edward…but listen, you know you're still welcome here as long as Bella's gone, right? We can all chill and shit." Emmett said genuinely, "you can even bring Cooper around here if you want."

I nodded, despite the fact that I couldn't really process what he had just said. Bella left. She fucking _left _to Forks, without telling me. She didn't even say goodbye, let alone give me a call. Fuck. That's not the worst part though, what hurts the most is that she's literally gone and I won't see her until God knows when. She's probably just going to remain there for the weekend and return for school on Monday. Yeah, that's probably it. I glanced back at Emmett for a fleet moment and gave him a small wave before turning on my heel and walking back towards the Volvo.

I was barely conscious of my ensuing movements as I recklessly sped back to Jason's house. Mercifully, it was early in the morning and there weren't many vehicles on the streets at this time. Skidding to a halt behind the Integra, I stormed out of my car and stalked through the house like a hurricane, slamming the front door furiously behind me. I was just about to enter the guest bedroom when Katherine's door opened across the hall and she stepped out looking cautious and groggy. When her eyes met mine, she was instantly at my side, "Edward, what's wr-"

"Not now, Kathy." I interjected, stepping into the guest room and locking the door behind me. I toppled over the mattress and buried my head in the crook of my arm as I tried to control my slightly labored breaths.

I didn't even realize that I had fallen asleep until I heard loud banging on the door. "Edward, open up, we're going to be fucking late!" Jason's voice boomed from the hallway.

"Jason," Mrs. Cooper scolded, "language!"

"Sorry mom," he replied, ceaselessly pounding on the door. "All right Ed, seriously, I'm leaving now. See you at school if you ever wake up."

I groaned and slowly rose to perch myself on the edge of the large mattress. The unease of Bella being away was building; it kept mounting with every second that ticked by without her. I had recently grown accustomed to knowing she would be there when I needed her, she was the one that kept me away from the bad in my life. For lack of better word, she kept me sane. It was incredibly wrong on my part to have such a strong reliance on her so soon in our relationship. I have to keep my shit straight and stop worrying about this. I'll call her after school and she'll be fine. _I'll_ be fine on my own.

As soon as I'd brushed my teeth for the second time that morning, I shrugged on a grey hoodie, slung my bag over my shoulder and rushed out of the house. I reaching the school in record time and my eyes involuntarily scanned the busy parking lot. They halted at the Cold Ones' table, the members where all there except for Jason and I. Glancing over at both sides of the lot, I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jacket and sauntered over towards the guys. Why the fuck am I even doing this now? What exactly am I doing? Questions bounced around my head as I neared them but I couldn't find any reasonable answers. "Well, look who it is. None other than one of the long lost fuck ups!" Paul boomed, chuckling and smacking me on the back.

Rolling my eyes and resisting the urge to break his nose, I leaped up onto the table and sat beside Landon, who happened to be seated on opposite ends from Keith. I wouldn't dare meet his gaze yet, because then I'd truly know what it felt like when someone where to think the phrase 'if looks could kill'. I could practically feel the animosity radiating off of most of the guys here, I'm almost positive that my position in the gang is probably being battled for since I'm rarely ever with them. I took a deep breath and was just about to greet Landon when Keith's voice escalated over everyone else's. "Masen, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"This is where the gang sits. And last time I checked, I was part of it." I replied intrepidly, without glancing in his direction.

"I'm fucking starting to regret having you two with us," he snapped. I could tell that he had meant to say that under his breath, but it came out much louder than intended. A sudden wave of visions and memories began to flood behind my eyes when Keith spoke those words. The first time he had ever declared anything about regret, when not in my nightmares, was when Jason and I had been initiated into the gang. It was more than a year ago when Jason had led me towards the back of the diner, where we were to meet the Cold Ones together.

**Flashback**

_The dry wind speed whipping my hair and sweater around wildly was absurdly frustrating. Why couldn't we meet somewhere indoors? Or in some type of basement? I didn't make the arrangements, so I had no say in this situation as Jason walked at my side with a probable grin on his face. We reached the gang he was getting us into in a matter of seconds. Some of the members where leaning against the back wall of the diner, while others kicked around dusty rocks and leaves. Their heads whipped up as they heard our approach. As my eyes met all eight pairs of their sinister ones, a shiver rippled up my spine. But not from the chill breeze._

_One of the older looking men stepped forward as we halted a few feet away, wary of their reaction. The man had dark windblown hair and his piercing sapphire eyes where reading us, digging through our secrets with just one once over. "Do you know what you're getting yourselves into?"_

_Jason and I both nodded simultaneously, but I was the one to verbally respond. "Yes."_

"_In that case," he made a motion with his head and five of the seven men that stood behind him began to slowly make their way towards us. My eyes narrowed and the tendons in my neck where taut as I prepared myself for what was to come. A massive fist flew towards my face forcefully, knocking me to the ground in one swift movement. I retaliated and leaped up from the ground, instantly tackling the brick-like teenager that had punched me. But before I could even strike back, another body seized me by the arms and hauled me off of the 'brick'. I was tossed towards the ground and surprisingly felt sharp metal ripping at the skin on my chest and back as they kicked me around. The chains that I was being lashed at relentlessly with were tearing through my clothes because I soon felt liquid warmth seeping through my clothes._

_I gritted my teeth vigorously and figured that I had no chance against more than one guy, so I would lie here and sustain the striking blows that set my body ablaze. Unexpectedly, a muffled but agonized cry escaped a body beside me._

_Jason?_

_Rage coursed through me when I realized that they where hurting him the same way. It's not reasonable for him to have to undergo this type of brutality so soon. I had already grown accustomed to the physical abuse with Stephen, but my best friend hadn't. My eyes snapped open and I instinctively clenched my hands into tight fists. Swiftly situating my arms beneath me, I propelled my body upwards with the strength in my forearms and chest to knock the men off of me. They staggered around me as I hurdled onto my feet, disregarding my throbbing body and pivoted towards Jason. He was lying on his side, clutching onto his right shoulder as three men beat and thrashed him with everything but their fists. I roared in defiance and lunged forward, shoving the men away from Jason and taking a protective stance before him as I faced the men furiously._

_The two bangers that had pummeled me down moments before where just about to smash against me once again, but a sharp whistle rang around us, causing them to cut their movements short. I focused my attention back on the man who had given the signal, the one who had given us a stare down, the one whom I supposed was the leader, and he looked smug. He seemed partially proud but mostly arrogant, "boys, behind me."_

"_Can we bang them around a little more?" A nasally voice questioned, "That was fun."_

_The leader's eyes where frozen ice, "no. Just move."_

_The five guys scurried back to where the rest of the gang was positioned watching the scene play out. "You all right?" Jason's voice was beside me as I felt one of his hands on my shoulder. _

_I nodded and kept my eyes trained on the man that watched us in amusement. "I'm fine, and you, Jay?"_

"_Yeah, I'm chill." Jason replied curtly, hiding the pain in his voice nicely._

"_Sacrificing yourself for a brother? Very daring, we definitely need that here." The leader took three steps in our direction but we kept our ground as he sized me up. "Don't make me regret the decision in having you two join us."_

_My eyes searched his curiously, "what're you trying to say?"_

"_Welcome," he said, sticking his hand out to me, "I'm Keith."_

_I placed my hand in his and gave it a firm shake, "Edward Masen."_

**End flashback**_  
_

The piercing ring of the school bell ripped me away from my appalling memory. At the time, I thought it had been great, being part of something with others like me, but I know now that I was wrong. Oh, how I was _so_ wrong. Stepping down from the bench, I bounded towards the school with Landon at my side.

***

At last, I was inside of Jason's house after a horrible day at the godforsaken school. Dragging my feet towards the living room, there was Kathy resting her feet on her brother's lap as they watched television. I shot them both a tight smile and dumped myself in the loveseat beside the couch. "All right, spill. What's wrong with you, Edward? This morning you came in slamming doors and in a pissy mood. There's something definitely wrong." Kathy said, craning her neck back to look at me.

"Bella," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, "she left this morning."

Jason instantly leaned forward from the couch, knocking Kathy's legs off of him in the process. "What? Where the fuck did she go?"

"She went back to Forks…to be with her mother through all of this." I replied tersely.

Both Cooper's eyed me momentarily before stealing a glance at each other. "Why am I like the last one to know about this?" Jason inquired.

"You're not, I didn't know until now too." Kathy added.

Jason rolled his eyes at his sister and shook his head at me, "when did she tell you that she was going back?"

"Yesterday when we skipped."

"Is that why you where all pissed in the morning? Because you didn't want to see her leave?" Kathy asked me genuinely.

My jaw tightened considerably, "I didn't see her leave…she left before I could even say goodbye."

"Won't she be back soon though?" Jason asked.

I took a deep breath and held it before responding, "I don't know when she's going to be back."

"You don't kn-" Jason cut himself off, "call her, right now."

"That's what I'm planning on doing." I replied, rising from the seat and whipping my phone out as I walked towards the guest room, closing the door behind me. I sat myself at the edge of the bed and ran a hand roughly over my face. Shit, my life is spiraling out of fucking control. Why can't I ever have at least one calm and stress free moment in my life? Whatever, life's a bitch.

Dialing her number quickly and placed the phone to my ear, my arms began to tremble slightly from the anticipation to hear her voice. But before it even rang, a disconnecting tone cut off the signal. I furrowed my eyebrows and hit redial, the same thing happened, again. Something like that only happens if you change your number or cancel the line…did she do either of those and not tell me about it? Would that be her way of saying, 'leave me the hell alone'?

I shut my phone and tossed it onto the dresser beside the bed. I'm probably blowing things way out of proportion, she'll be back. Her mother needs her, so of course the logical reason is to go and be with her. I'm just being a paranoid.

***

It's Wednesday, and Bella's still not back.

Days are soaring by when they just feel like merely long hours. All hours feel excessively protracted without her in them. Why hasn't she tried contacting me?

Following Monday,

I haven't heard a single thing from her, or her family. It's as if my short time with her was all a dream, a breathtaking dream that I have now awoken from. But I know better that to believe something as ridiculous as that.

Well, don't I?

Three fucking wretched weeks have passed.

I've seen her cousins around school. Alice had come up to me a few times and had attempted speaking to me but I'd just ignore her or simply walk away as if I couldn't hear her tinkling voice. She'd given up after a while of persisting. Emmett seemed almost livid whenever he would see me, probably because I was hanging out with the Cold Ones more often, and he detested them.

I could clearly tell that Jason was also disappointed in me; he would still stick with me, though I knew he was beyond uncomfortable being there with the gang. I just don't care anymore.

***

It was Saturday, after the third week without Bella. I feel almost numb, I know that sounds so fucking theatrical, but how else can I describe not being capable of really feeling shit anymore? I don't think there is any other way. But if there is, enlighten me.

It was past two in the morning and I couldn't will myself to sleep. My eyes would close for hours on end but my thoughts would drift off to ones of Bella, or my mother, even hazy ones of my father before he left. The ones of him made me smile incessantly, they where of us playing and doing what father and sons do.

That asshole.

Bella was my newfound light. She lit up every inch of darkness in my world, but now without her, that light was flickering and threatening to burn out. Could she be gone long enough to make it diminish completely?

I could finally feel the lethargy creeping up on me. Closing my eyes, I cleared my head and allowed myself to be surmounted by the inviting obscurity.

* * *

**Hello everyone, sorry for not updating in almost three weeks. I know, I suck lol. But I always say if you guys review then they motivate me to write for you guys. I barely got any for the last chapter, but its okay. I know some of you, don't like reviewing and I don't want to get annoying with it so…yeah.**

**I have a question. Are the nightmares that Edward keeps having bothering some of you? Like do you just not want them in the story? Because I can keep them to a minimum though I have some important ones planned for the future. I was going to write one right before ending this chapter but decided not to because well, I don't know lol. Just thought I shouldn't. I'll keep it for the next chapter…if you want O.O ahaha. Wait, it's my story, I decide what goes in it. I'm a fail xP**

**Anyway, shit Edward's breaking down :/ this isn't very good. We don't want him going back to all stupid Fuckward again. That wasn't very fun xD **

**But what's going to happen with Bella? She has to get her act together and stop disconnecting her damn phone. That bitch. When's she going to come back? IS she going to come back? D:**

**Keep reading, you'll see.**

**[Heheheehe I wrote about their initiation into the gang ;P Hot stuff right there…not.]**

**Thank you all for being so sweet to this story so far, I loves you all! **

**OH, WAIT! I saw Percy Jackson last night and omfg, Logan Lerman *dies* is soooo fucking hawttt. I was all holy shit the entire time x]]] what a sexy boy. It was a pretty good movie too, the effects where whatever but its fine :P**

**Kays then, NOW I be done.**

**REVIEW, por favor. I love them, they make me happy (: and make me update faster pfft -.-**

**So hehe, thank yous.**

**Lori**


	23. too cold to shiver in this cold

**Jason's POV**

There's only one logical response to why I hadn't set an alarm for this, that being, I'm a moron. It's four in the morning and I'm here sprinting through a goddamn airport after finally rushing through the airlines security. If I would've gone to sleep earlier last night, earlier being before one in the morning, arising at this fucking hour would have been a piece of cake. But no, Keith just _had_ to have us go fight. Gritting my teeth, I figured it would be a bad idea to get heated at a time like this. I clutched onto my duffel bag firmly as I leaped over the velvet ropes and weaved between pedestrians in line that where to retrieve their boarding passes. Fortunately, I had already received mine in the mail a week prior thanks to my father.

Running headlong for the gate, I didn't take notice of a figure that seemed to appear out of nowhere in front of me. Not having the right amount of time to stop mid-step, I was forced to collide against them. The person lost their balance and began to descend towards the ground but I gripped onto their forearm to prevent their fall. I set them upright on their feet and yelled an apology over my shoulder as I broke out into a jog once again. I know that I should've made sure that they where all right and actually apologized face to face, but I'm in a hurry. "_Last announcement for Flight 1539, I repeat, Flight 1539 to Forks, Washington is now boarding._" The exceedingly cheerful mechanical voice declared over the intercom system. I cursed under my breath and finally made it towards the half open gate. As soon as I'd fished out my state ID and boarding pass, I had practically shoved it in the dispatch clerk's face until they read it over and handed it back to me.

Reaching the aircraft with just a few minutes to spare, I sucked in a deep sigh of relief and made my way down the aisle of tightly packed seats. Quickly finding my seat C18 beside a window, I sank down upon it and dropped my bag to the ground between my legs. My eyes shut involuntarily as I rested my head against the cool window when I felt someone plop down in the seat beside me. They cleared their throat and wiggled around in the seat until I finally couldn't endure it any longer. My eyes flew open in aggravation as my head swiveled towards them. "Oh look, it's the guy that crashed into me and made me drop my suitcase…making the zipper pop open and drop all of the contents inside." A striking woman seated beside me with sparkling dark jade eyes and long billowy black hair was more than livid.

"You're the one that I crashed into?" I asked, my angst kicking up a notch. "Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and slid down a few inches in her seat, "yes, yes, and no. But thanks to you, I had to run over here and almost miss my flight."

"Shit, I'm really sorry. I was in a hurry and I couldn't miss this. It's important." I breathed out quickly, hoping she'd understand.

The woman huffed and rolled her eyes, "and what? You think my reason for being here isn't?"

I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose, a habit I'd picked up from Edward. "No, that's not what I meant. It's just that I've waited too long for-"

"I've been planning this to you know and-"

I inwardly groaned in frustration and interrupted her, "you know what, forget it. I said I was sorry, and meant it. I usually get along with most people but not always all, you clearly being one of the exceptions."

Her eyes narrowed for the least bit before retorting, "So do I. I'm a people person, and you're totally killing my buzz right now."

"That makes two of us," I mumbled, mimicking her position and crossing my arms tightly over my chest.

She sighed and leaned her head back against the headrest, a worry line settling between her eyebrows. An awkward silence wafted between us and I was just about to shut my eyes when I heard her speak softly beside me. If she weren't seated in such close proximity to me, I probably wouldn't have heard her. "I'm sorry. I overreacted."

I sighed; it wasn't her fault to react the way she did though. If the situation had been reversed, I doubt that I would've been all chill. "Don't worry about it. You had every reason to, I'm sorry for knocking you and your luggage over."

"I didn't miss the flight, did I? So, it's fine." A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips, revealing two endearing dimples by her cheeks. "How about we start over? I'm Sophia McKnight."

She stuck her hand out to me and I took it, shaking it lightly, "Jason Cooper."

"So Jason, where are you headed?" She asked, flashing me a row of bright teeth.

"Um…Forks." I replied slowly, slightly confused.

"No I didn't mean it like that," she chuckled, "I meant is your final stop going to be Forks? Or are you going to connect to another flight?"

"Oh," I furrowed my eyebrows, "Forks is my last stop."

She nodded, "same here. Is that where you're from?"

"Forks? Oh no, I'm just going because I need to take care of something." I said, rubbing the back of my neck. "Born and raised in Chicago, Illinois. How about you?"

"On the contrary, born and raised in Forks. I go to Chicago for school." She responded, tucking back a strand of hair that had fallen out from behind her ear.

"Really? Lincoln Park?" I asked, immediately curious.

Her responding giggle was amusing and dare I say, cute. "Far from it, I attend the University of Chicago."

"Whoa, that's nice, my apologizes." I mumbled, humiliated with mistaking her to be a high school student.

She waved it off, "don't stress it, so I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you go To Lincoln Park?"

I nodded slowly, sliding a little lower in my seat.

"You hardly look the age to be attending high school. If you hadn't given it away before I would've guessed second or third year in College." She shrugged, grinning coyly.

I half smiled and propped myself up with my elbows against the arm rests, turning to face her. "Well, I did fail second grade."

She chuckled, "making you what age now?"

"Eighteen." I replied.

Sophia backhanded my shoulder teasingly, "you see, you could have so graduated already."

I nodded, "true. And what year in the University are you in?"

"My first and I already want to drop out." Sophia groaned.

"What a fail," I shook my head and laughed at her lack of endurance. "What are you majoring in?"

She clapped her hands together and rested them in her lap as she faced me once again, "Theater Arts."

"That's awesome, anything in particular?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied, fiddling with her fingers, "playwright."

"Get the fuck out of here, like a dramatist? The one's who actually write the plays?"

Sophia giggled, "Exactly that, yes. I'm in the process of writing my seventh play."

"Impressive, congratulations." I said genuinely.

She held my penetrating gaze for a split second until she glanced down at her hands and broke out into a wide smile. "And what about you? What're you planning on doing after high school?"

I brushed my hair out of my eyes and licked my lips, "my passion's medicine. I want to be a cardiac surgeon sometime in the future."

Surprise was written all over Sophia's face. Her gorgeous emerald eyes seemed to be boring into mine. "I would have never guessed you for the type."

"Well, thanks." I grumbled unenthusiastically.

She must have realized what she had said a moment too late because she instantly shook her head and flailed her arms out in front of her madly. "I didn't mean it like that! I meant like, you look more of the artsy music type."

"Stereotyping now are we?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow up.

She sighed and stared passed my head through the window, "No, it's just that…you know how when you see someone on the street and you automatically assume something about them? Like seeing a woman with a briefcase and a pant suit, the first thing that'd come to your head would be that they work for some sort of corporation or company, right? So with you, I see the shaggy blonde hair, tattered up Vans and ripped up straight jeans, the first thing that comes to mind is a musician or artist of some kind."

I watched her as she shared her revelation with me. The rapid blur of her lips as she spoke, the way her tanned hands flitted around in front of her, the occasional glance she'd share with me before eyeing the window once again. They where all equally riveting. I couldn't help myself from annoying her though, "exactly, stereotyping."

Sophia returned her attention back to me and glared, "you really suck. But did you at least get the point that I was trying to make?"

I laughed at her but nodded. "If you don't mind me asking, why is it that you're traveling to Forks?"

"Random, but I don't mind." Once again, a line of worry settled between her eyebrows and she seemed to distance herself emotionally. "Um, my parents just found out that my little brother has cancer. And I'm going to go and stay with them for a while until they get the full diagnosis."

"Shit, I'm sorry to hear that, I really shouldn't have asked." I replied genuinely.

She shook her head, "no it's fine, it's still in the early stages so the doctor's are going to do everything they can to prevent it from spreading."

"Good call."

She took a deep breath, "your turn. What's a Chicago bound going to go do in Forks?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, feeling it fall back into place against my forehead. "Let's just say, I'm not so sure."

"What do you mean you're not sure? You're just going to land in the airport and begin strolling around aimlessly?"

"No," I chuckled, "I kind of have to go find someone and talk to them face to face for my best friend."

Sophia tilted her head as her gaze never wavered, "and your best friend couldn't have gone instead? It kind of is for his benefit, isn't it?"

"Yes but…too complicating." I moped.

She straightened up in her seat and tucked her legs beneath her, leaning her head back against the headrest. "Now that's what you call one hell of a friend."

Neither of us spoke again after that was said because we probably both thought it'd best if we got some relaxation before landing, well I thought. I closed my eyes and tilted my head towards the window, so that the chill glass could cool me down as I rested.

"_Flight 1539 will be arriving shortly to your destination, Forks, Washington. Thank you all for awaiting patiently and do not remove seatbelts until the 'remove your seatbelts' sign has flashed_." The same mechanical voice that I had heard before inside the terminal woke me out of my deep slumber. I ran a hand over my face and realized that my arm wouldn't bypass my chest. I lifted my head off of the windowpane that had left the side of my face numb, and glanced beside me. Sophia had shifted around in her sleep because her head was now resting on my shoulder. I smiled faintly and decided to stay still so that I wouldn't disturb her. But unfortunately for her, the airplane began to skid and bounce lightly against the pavement as it landed, waking her. She groaned against my shoulder and lifted her head, stretching her arms out in front of her. She seemed disoriented for a moment before turning to me and remembered. "Have a nice nap?" I asked quietly.

She nodded groggily and yawned into her hands, "are we landing?"

"Yes, you can also remove your seatbelt now if you'd like." I filled her in since she hadn't heard the announcement or seemed to take notice of the bright orange light flashing a few feet above her head.

Sophia instantly reached down towards her waist and unsnapped the belt, Once she was free of the restraint, she was wiggling around much like how she had when she'd first sat down a few hours ago. "Do you have to use the restroom or something?"

"No, these seats are just really uncomfortable." She complained, scrunching her nose up in disgust.

"What? You used to flying first class?" I teased, nudging her with my shoulder.

She rolled her eyes, "ha-ha, very funny, Jason."

I shrugged and rose to my feet, grabbing my duffel bag beneath me in the same movement. I stretched and felt my bones popping a bit as I lowered my arms back to my sides. Assisting Sophia to her feet, we waited until the airplane had come to a complete halt before stepping into the aisle and walking behind people towards the exit. I accompanied Sophia all the way towards the baggage claim and knew that we had to go our separate ways from then on. As we neared the massive machine that spit out luggage, I seized her hand in mine and turned her towards me. "Well, this is as far as I go."

"You don't have luggage?" She speculated.

I motioned towards the duffel bag hanging over my shoulder, "this is it."

"Why so little?"

"I wasn't planning on staying here long." I replied, saddened that I'd probably never see her again.

She seemed to mirror my emotions because she gave my hand a tight squeeze and released it. "It was very nice meeting you, Jason."

"Pleasure's all mine, Sophie." I winked.

"Sophie?" She grinned.

I smiled at her with my eyes and lips, "it suits a sweet person like you."

"Thanks," she said softly, going timid in a matter of seconds.

I beamed down at her, "now's when you get timid? You're weird."

"Nothing new, weird _is_ my middle name." She played off, "I better get going then. I have to go get my stuff, my father's probably waiting for me in the parking lot."

"True," I nodded, "goodbye, Sophie."

"Bye, Jason." I gave her one last smile and kissed her cheek before pivoting on my heel and ambling down towards the electric double doors that led outside.

***

Everything that my eyes would perceive was concealed behind every different shade of green and browns. It was almost like being back in the forest behind the school in Chicago; only here the town was what was hidden in the wake of trees and bushes. It felt gross and unpleasant being here because of how damp my clothes where from the sodden atmosphere. People said it rained here every once in a while, but they clearly have never been here because it felt as if I where walking through a stream. Okay, maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but I don't like rain. I like wind; no I love the wind and cool breeze in the morning. That's why I live where I live.

After countless pacing and walking around the small town of Forks, I came across a gas station. _Finally, holy shit_.

I pushed the door open to the convenient store and shook out the diamonds from my hair before stepping inside. Once I did, my body instantly relaxed from the heated air escaping the air vents. Glancing around warily, I examined the people around me. They all seemed genuine and happy to be where they where, in their calm environment. I shrugged and found the front counter, quickly walking up to it and knocking on the wood. The elderly man that stood behind the cash register and reading a sports magazine glanced up, soon after adjusting the horn-rimmed spectacles on his face. "Yes?"

I nodded, "Hi, would you possibly know where I could find the family of Chief Swan?"

The man seemed crestfallen as he processed my inquiry. "Who wants to know?"

"I'm a friend of the family." I'm not exactly lying because Bella _is_ my friend and she _is_ part of the Swan family.

He sighed and scribbled the address down on a piece of scrap paper lying on the counter. "Here you are. I have a feeling you're not from around here, need me to call in a ride for you?"

I shook my head, "no, that's fine. I can find my way, this place is pretty small."

"Alright then."

"Thank you though, sir." I smiled thoughtfully at the man before turning away and exiting the convenient store.

Though it did take me more than a few hours because I didn't know the place at all, I finally found the address scribbled on the torn paper. Now, let's just hope the man gave me the accurate one. Sighing, I peeked both ways before crossing the street and bounded up what was supposed to be Bella's driveway. I adjusted the duffel bag slung over my shoulder and patted at my clothing and hoodie briefly before knocking cautiously on the door. As I waited, I ran my hands through my matted hair and combed it through with my fingers.

Hearing the deadbolt unlock, I quickly dropped my arms to my sides. A middle-aged woman with choppy short auburn hair and big brown eyes stood before me. She had dark shadows below her eyes and looked more than tired. But all in all, she resembled Bella. Was this her mother?

I cleared my throat and decided that it would be a good time to speak, "hello, um is this the Swan residence?"

The woman nodded, "and who might you be?"

"I'm Jason Cooper," I said awkwardly, "a friend of Bella's."

The woman seemed surprised, "I didn't know Bella had any other friend's here anymore besides the Quileute's down by La Push."

"Oh, um I don't live here."

The woman raised her eyebrows and placed a hand to her hip, "then how do you know my daughter?"

I was right, this is her mother.

"You must be Renee then, correct? I'm from Chicago, she's a good friend of mine and I really need to speak with her…is there any way that I could?"

Renee sighed, "You seem like a sweet boy, but she's not home at the moment. Would you like to know where she is so that you could go find her?"

I nodded urgently, "Please. That would be great."

She gave me directions to where Bella was located and informed me on where I could catch a bus so that I wouldn't have to walk there. After sincerely thanking her and telling her that I was profoundly remorseful for her loss, I was promptly on my way.

***

Standing before _'Black's Bike Repairs'_, I reread the address given to me countless times. This hardly seemed like Bella's hang out spot, at a repair shop…for motorcycles. I shrugged and stalked up towards the open garage and gave a loud knock against the concrete wall. I figure they fix cars as well because a suntanned young looking man slid out from underneath a vehicle at the front of the shop. The side of his face was smeared with oil and the deep set of his hooded eyes looked slightly menacing. He wiped his hands with a dirty rag on his lap and leaped up from the creeper, waving and jogging towards me. "How may I help you?"

I smiled at his kind demeanor and nodded, "I'm not here for a repair, sorry. Next time I visit, I'll be sure to bring in my car. But actually, I'm here looking for someone and was wondering if they where here."

"Hey, if Embry or Quil took your money during school, don't sweat it, I'll pay you back." The guy rushed, reaching towards his back pocket.

I shook my head quickly, "No no, it's nothing like that. I was actually looking for Bella Swan. Would she happen to be here?"

"Oh um yeah, she's here," the boy mumbled, craning his neck back, "Hey, Bells!"

"Yeah, Jake?" I heard Bella's voice belt out from behind a corner.

"Get over here a second!"

Soon after, Bella rounded the corner. She didn't look much different than before, given that it was only three weeks she was gone, but those where three weeks much too long.

Her gaze flitted over to the man whom I guessed was Jake but then her eyes met mine and her steps faltered. Her face had noticeably drained of its customary blush and she seemed ridiculously uptight. "Hey, Belly."

She stared at me for a while, as if a cat had caught her tongue. "J-Jason?"

"The one and only," I shrugged, "wait, you don't know any other Jason's around here do you?"

She shook her head.

"Then what the fuck are you doing over there? Get over here and give me a hug." I laughed.

She seemed to instantaneously relax as I wrapped my arms tightly around her. As I backed away, my lips lingered beside her ear. "We need to talk."

She sighed and glanced over at Jake before introducing us, "Jacob this Jason, a friend from Chicago."

"Nice meeting you, man." Jacob extended his hand for me and gripped my hand firmly; I reciprocated and exerted the same amount of force as I shook his.

I shot him a toothy grin, "likewise."

After the introductions where made, Bella led me outside of the shop and towards the side of the building. We sat side by side on a pair of monster truck tires and I waited for her to speak. "What're you doing here, Jay?"

"You know what I'm doing here." I countered.

She chuckled, "don't use that monk shit on me, it's not going to work."

We laughed in unison until the mood became a little heavier. "But really, what are you doing here?"

"Why did you leave?" I breathed.

Bella shrugged, "you know why. My mother needed me here for a while and so I came."

I was already shaking my head before she'd completed her sentence. "No, you where supposedly leaving for the weekend, _three_ weeks ago, Bella. Why haven't you at least called?"

"You're speaking on his behalf, aren't you?" Bella murmured softly, glancing down.

"Why haven't you called?" I disregarded her question and repeated mine.

She clasped her hands together tightly in her lap, "I didn't feel the need to."

"You didn't feel the need to?" I retorted, "Edward's been a wreck without you, Bella!"

"Please, stop." She sighed.

My eyes narrowed, "why? Does it hurt too much speaking of him or something? Well, want to know something? I think it hurts him more."

I could tell that she was so close to cracking; I just needed to push her limits a little further. "No, that's not it-"

"You know, almost everyone important in his life has left him, except for my family." I stated matter-of-factly, "And now you leave him without even saying goodbye. Don't you know how that makes him feel, to lose the people he cares about? How fucked up he is by all of this?"

Bella huffed and leaped to her feet, "No, I don't know how that makes him feel. But I lost my brother and now my dad, so I know how it feels to losing someone close to me. I didn't know that it was going to hurt him! I thought me leaving was for the better!"

I mimicked her movements and leaped up to my feet in incredulity, "For the better? What the hell, he loves you, Bella! He fucking _loves_ you and you just left. How was that for the better?"

"I-I was getting in the middle of everything. The gang hates me and I didn't want to cause problems for Edward or put either of you in danger because I know Keith was already having guys spy on him." Her voice shook with emotion.

I sighed and placed my hands gently over her shoulders, forcing her to look me in the eye. "Shut up and listen to me. Edward's a big boy; he can take care of himself. And second, you leaving is in fact making everything worse. Remember how Edward was going on about quitting the gang and putting that life behind him? Well, without you, that _is_ his life. And it fucking sucks let me tell you. That's all he can focus on clearly and whenever someone around him shows the least bit of affection to their loved one he gets furious and starts banging things around or picks a fight with the first guy he sees. It's horrible without you there. He loves you. He needs you, Bells. Please, just…see that."

"And I love him, but I-I don't think I can just go back, Jason…it's not that easy." She replied miserably.

I spoke extra slow in hopes for her to understand. She's so damn stubborn, "yes it is. It's called buying a plane ticket back to Chicago and voila."

Her brow furrowed, "What about my mother?"

"You where supposed to be here for a weekend not three weeks. So, I think she's holding up just fine."

Bella was staring passed my shoulder, lost inside of those crazy thoughts of hers when her gaze finally flickered back to mine and a teary grin broke across her face.

* * *

**Done. Jason cccccc: That was the only Jay chapter you guys will ever be receiving so I reeeeally hope it satisfied you guys. Does Bella's teary-eyed smile mean she's coming back already? Well, let's hope so. No Edward here, sorry :P**

**And Sophieeee. I liked her, she had spunk lmao xD Jason liked her too, but it was just a sweet meeting, make a random friend on an airplane thing. Fun aha.**

**And lookie there, it was Jake! Hot stuff ;) even though I don't like Taylor Lautner all that much (don't kill me). I'm still all the way for Edward, but I love Jacob too :D**

**Anyway, I saw Alice in Wonderland this weekend! It was so good! I love the way the White Queen holds her hands up all the time lmfao xD and the Red Queen with the, "Off with their heads!!" Awesomeness :PP**

**So yeah, hopefully I can update for you guys again soon. Thank you for reading, and por favor, **

**REVIEW.**

**Thank you**

**Lori**


	24. a shattered conscience

Turning into the parking lot of the school, I sighed and sank back against the seat, events from the treacherous past two days replaying like a broken record in my head. Jason had left me to my reckless self all weekend. I woke up Saturday morning and he was fucking gone. No note, no text message, nothing. Just an empty wrinkled bed. Mrs. Cooper had practically been breathing down my neck, and badgering me with incessant questions for the whereabouts of her son. But I had no response. I had no clue where he could be. Kathy had been acting reserved and distant when I questioned her about Jason. All she would do is mutter something incoherent below her breath and walk away. I knew for a fact that she knew where Jason was, but they're relationship had always been pretty tight, so I highly doubt she'd reveal his little secret. But, those were literally the least of my worries. Bella was still gone. I still hadn't heard a single thing regarding her. Her departure had left me hurt, stunned, and most of all, broken.

Setting the car in park, I yanked the key out of the ignition and scrambled out of the Volvo before my thoughts took on a wrong course, killing my mood for the entire day. I sucked in a deep breath of fresh air and turned towards the gang's table. Without taking much notice to who was there, I began walking until I noticed a familiar red Integra parked not so far away from my car. My footing faltered, nearly making me face plant with the concrete, as I realized who was leaning against the hood. Jason, with one foot against his precious body paint, and standing a few feet in front of him, fiddling with her fingers, was my Bella. My entire body went inert, my systems shutting down. I couldn't think straight, couldn't react normally. My breaths were coming out in ragged but deep puffs. She raked a hand through her long hair and began walking towards me. With every step she took, an unknown fury inside of me would slowly ascend, mounting until it was all that I felt. My form was nearly trembling when she was at arms length from me.

Perceiving my apparent discomfort, she halted and caught her bottom lip between her teeth. As I watched her, I couldn't manipulate the dissimilar emotions battling within me. I should be leaping in the air for joy; I should be wrapping my arms around her, be one with her again. But in its place, my fists clenched tightly at my sides and I glowered at my love. I didn't want to be angry with her, but I had every given right to be. She fled, without saying goodbye. Not once did she call me or even have the decency of sending me a message. She hadn't even fucking tried. And though I never deserved some one like her, let alone her, I didn't deserve to be ignored. So, before I could even process what I was going to tell her, words began to spill out of my mouth unthinkingly. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Bella seemed taken aback by my words. The evident blush on her cheeks drained from her face. Leaving her deathly pale in contrast with her luscious dark hair. "Jason, brought me back…I missed you…y-you don't want me here?"

My eyes narrowed considerably at the fidelity she automatically expected to find in me. She just believed that I would be waiting here with open arms despite the ache I felt with her gone. "You thought I'd be waiting here for you like a dog with its tail between its legs?"

"What?" The beautiful chocolate eyes that I'd longed to see for over a month where pooling with tears. "N-no. I just thought you wanted to see me, I thought you wanted me here again. Jason told me-"

I clenched my jaw in frustration, "well Jason was wrong, Bella. It kind of hurts a whole fucking lot when the person you care for most in the world just packs up and leaves."

"I'm sorry, but I _had_ to go. I told you that my mom needed me, Edward. Do you not understand that?" Bella had instantly gone noticeably stiff; her voice was edgy and filled with poise.

Her features had gone as stony as mine. They where reflecting upon one another. But I knew mine overrode hers. Mine had every right to. "I do understand, perfectly well actually. I had a parent pass away too, if you don't remember."

"Yes, but you at least had your step dad here. Unlike me whose mother was states away!" Bella's voice was firm, never wavering with the passion pooling in her eyes.

I shook my head slowly, "don't you dare mention my step father."

Bella feign pouted, "aw, why? Is he not nice to little, Edward?"

And then I lost it. It felt like a volcano had erupted inside of me. Boiling my blood furiously and making my pulse pound feverishly behind my ears. It drove my temper right over the edge. I took a large step towards Bella until I was directly in front of her face and enunciated the two words that I desperately wanted to suppress but couldn't. "Fuck you."

At the sound of my voice saying those foul words made her expression visually crumple. She looked almost heartbroken, crushed that I could ever say something like that to her. My body and mouth were functioning on autopilot, without my consent as I pivoted on my heel and began to stalk away. I would never intentionally yearn to say such things to Bella. Yes, part of me was beyond hurt that she left me for over a month to my careless self. That she almost took my life with her, but the other part of me was euphoric that she was back. I could feel the exhilaration that she was back in Chicago pumping through me, but the betrayal and my temper were both surmounting it, overpowering it.

I could feel the stares of the student body and bystanders boring holes into the back of my head. But I couldn't feel the one that I wanted. I couldn't feel Bella's. I halted in my tracks and whipped my head around. As she turned around, back towards Jason's car, I caught the pain and tears encompassing her face. I was immobile once again as I stared at her. A different emotion was coursing through me, one I hadn't felt in a long while: remorse. Then, like the force behind a ton of bricks, I had an epiphany. It washed through me, through every single thing I had been feeling. Bella _does_ love me, and she came back for me because of that. She wants me to be with her. She wants me in every way. Before I could even think another word, I broke out into a sprint. I reached Bella in less than three seconds and caught her wrist in on one of my hands as she continued to walk. But she stopped when she felt our skin come in contact, the electricity I felt whenever I'd touch her was back. It shot through me pleasantly; it tingled from my head to my toes. And I wanted to feel that current every second of everyday.

Automatically, I tugged on her wrist and slid my hand down to hers, twining our fingers together tightly. Giving her warm hand another strong tug, she spun around to face me. Without thinking, I reached up to cradle her head with my free hand and smashed my lips against hers. The moment our lips touched, I felt at home, I felt whole again. Any previous worries or feelings have been forgotten. All that mattered was that Bella was here with me, and in my arms. She was where she should be, where she should have been all along. My lips moved softly but firmly against hers, until I broke away and rested my forehead against hers. "I'm so sorry. You know I didn't mean what I said. Please, forgive me, love."

Bella sighed against my lips, her breath tickling the back of my throat. "I love you, Edward. I really do."

"You hold my heart, Bella." I murmured against her lips, "You're it for me."

**So. To start off, I know it was an incredibly short chapter. And I apologize. I know, after so many weeks of not updating that it should have been longer and filled with more stuff, but that's all I could work with for now. I've had writer's block for sooo long, so you all better be happy that I got something out :)**

**Hm. Bella's back. Edward was an ass at first, but at least he had his epiphany and then he got all cute again :P**

**I promise, the next chapter WILL be longer, and things will start to develop again with the gang and shit.**

**Don't have much to say right now, so I guess I'm off. Sorry, again, for taking forever to update. I'll try my best to post up another chapter soon.**

**Please, LEAVE A REVIEW. They make me happy. And I need feedback after going so long without writing -.-**

**-sigh- thank you all for reading. 'Till next time. Bye.**

**Thank you**

**Lori**


	25. never stop

Her soft, lithe fingertips trailed across the cool skin of my back leisurely. The harder she pressed against my skin, the more relaxed and unperturbed my muscles became. I lifted my head off of the pillow slightly to glance over at her. She lay on her side, her eyes following her hand as it moved up and down my back slowly. I removed one of my arms from beneath the pillow to place my palm against her flushed cheek, letting my thumb glide across her lips gently. Her lips parted faintly at my touch, resulting in a gust of her warm breath fanning over my finger.

A sudden desire to feel her sweet breath against my lips made me act on pure impulse. Using my other arm as leverage, I propped myself up on my elbow and leaned towards her. I scanned her expression quickly as she watched me close the distance between us, her eyes flitting to mine momentarily before I met my lips with hers. Moving my hand from her cheek to cradle the back of her neck, I added more pressure behind the kiss and parted my lips against hers. The moment I felt her tongue glide across my bottom lip, a breathy groan escaped my throat and any form of self-restraint I had left, deteriorated.

"_Bella_..."

Our tongue's danced hungrily together, battling for dominance that neither of us were willing to succumb to. Bella pushed against my bare chest forcefully, breaking the kiss in order for her to tug her shirt off over her head. Once she'd done so, I curled my hand around her waist and dragged her small body beneath mine, placing every line of mine against hers. A small smile played across my lips as I saw the unadulterated lust pooling in her eyes, but instead of kissing her again, I placed my lips at the hollow beneath her ear and gradually made my way down her neck, covering her neck and chest in small, wet kisses. I felt a sudden tremor course through her and I glanced up at her inquiringly. Her bottom lip was caught between a row of white teeth and her eyes were shut blissfully. I grinned to myself as I leaned down to place my lips against her skin once more. I left a trail of kisses around the curve of her bra, gradually making my way down past her bust and towards her smooth stomach. I slid my body lower above hers, making it simpler to shower her in kisses. Her skin was so soft and warm beneath my mouth and I abruptly allowed my tongue to slip past my lips and taste her skin. At that abrupt moment, a quiet moan reached my ears and it took everything in my power to not be one with her.

I let my tongue glide down the V shape of her hip until I reached the hem of her shorts, her moans escalating the lower I went. Biting my lip, I moved up her body swiftly and smashed my lips against hers. "Edward..." she moaned quietly against my lips.

"I've missed you so much, my love," I whispered, pulling out of the kiss to gaze down at her.

Bella's brow furrowed and she averted my gaze. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything. I know I should've said goodbye, I should've called, should've come back to you sooner-"  
"Bella, stop. It's okay. It hurt me, a lot. I missed you and I couldn't understand why you'd leave me that way. But...I understand why you did. Your mom needed you. I get why." I said, cutting her off and tilting her chin in my direction between my thumb and forefinger. "I have to be honest with you, I did some bad shit while you were gone. Many of which I'll regret sooner or later. But everything will be fine...everything will be fine as long as you're here with me, again. As long as you're home."

She nodded and stared up at me with apologetic eyes. I leaned down to press my lips to her forehead gently and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, crushing her to me in a tight embrace. "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you too, Edward," her sweet voice whispered into my neck.

Bella was here with me, in my arms again, she's my real home. I chuckled darkly to myself at the thought because we were in _my_ actual home, well Stephen's home now. Thankfully, he won't be back until a few hours because of his job. I brought Bella here because she'd never stepped foot in this house before and because she pleaded to be alone with me, so I unfortunately complied. I hadn't been here since the last time I instinctively showed up to play. A pang of deprivation and guilt sliced through me at the thought of not playing again. That was the one thing, apart from Bella, that kept me sane, that kept my feet planted solidly on the ground: my piano.

A sudden crash emanating from downstairs dragged me out of my thoughts. Every muscle in my body stiffened instantly, I could feel the vein at my temple pulsing vigorously as I quickly met Bella's perplexed gaze. I knew what it was that was making the ruckus downstairs, or better yet _who_. He was home early today. "_Stephen_."

Maneuvering robotically, I leapt to my feet promptly and kicked up Bella's and my shirts, catching them in the air. Tossing her hers, I pulled mine on over my head and waited for her to slip hers on.  
"Edward?" she asked, rising from the bed to stand in front of me, running a hand through her hair. "What is it? Is that Stephen, your step dad, downstairs? Oh, can I meet-"  
I flinched slightly, "I'd rather we avoid him. Let's go."

Seizing her hand in mine, I tugged her along behind me as I swiftly exited my bedroom and ambled down the staircase that led to the kitchen by the front door. I kept my gaze forward, locking it straight on the door as we approached it but a scuffed black boot stepped in my path before I could take another step. I dragged Bella's body completely behind me, blocking her from Stephen's line of sight, and gripped onto her hand firmly.

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here," Stephen slurred scornfully, "I was wondering who that nice silver car parked out front belonged to. How'd ya snag that one? And who do ya have there, eh?" he sneered, motioning towards Bella and taking a small step closer.

I shoved Bella back as far but as gently as I could and took a large step towards Stephen, leaving me inches away from his grimy, oily face. "Listen to me carefully. You don't speak to her, you don't ask about her, you don't even look at her. We're leaving now."

Stephen chuckled darkly, his reeking breath wafting across my face. "Oh, but I'd rather you stayed a while. I'd love to get to know your little friend here. What's your name, darlin'?" he asked her, beginning to side step me.  
Before he could make any other move though, my jaw snapped furiously, and I shoved my palms out against his chest, sending him soaring towards the ground.

Stephen's head snapped up in my direction, a menacing glint sparkling in his vile eyes as a slight grin spread across his face. "Not the smartest thing to have done right now, Edward."

**...yeah, I'm not even going to bother making up an excuse for not updating for over a year. Sorry, guys. **


End file.
